How can I stop feeling like this?

Question

Over the past few years I have heard of many cases of men cheating on their wives, commiting adultery. Even Muslim men. They don't seem to care that adultery is a sin in Islam, they just go and do as they please to satisfy their urges. SICKOS.
The problem I have is that because of this, I have developed a hatred towards men. Sometimes I think to myself that ALL men are cheaters and they are all bad but deep down I know this isn't true. I know there are some genuine men out there that would never cheat on their wife but unfortunately these kind of men are extremely hard to come by nowadays. People have said to me that if the two people truly love each other than they wont ever commit adultery but the problem with males these days is that they can't seem to control their urges. I feel as though no man is ever to be trusted, they are cheaters. If you trust a man he will break your heart. I would never even trust my own husband.
How can I stop feeling this hatred towards men?

@ Job - I know Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was a great man. I am NOT including him or any of the prophets in this.
I'm talking about the men of this day and age.

Answer 1

well if ur a good person and a devot muslim thn allah will take care of u. Inshallah he will match u with a perfect muslim guy so have faith in Allah and dont be dishartened by what u see every day
Asalaam-u-alaikum

Answer 2

Asalam Alaikum
You know why I trust my husband dear sister. Because his main reason for not cheating has nothing to do with his love more me. He doesn't cheat because he fears Allah.

It is sad to see so many men and women committing adultery and zina. SubhanAllah what is wrong with these so called Muslims? Did you know at the time a person is doing this they are not a Muslim?

The best thing to do sister is find a brother that will stay loyal for Allah. No matter how much a man loves a women he may still cheat. In the Quran it says the biggest trial of a man is a women.

Also sis put your trust in Allah before the man. InshaAllah sis you will find a pious husband that will love you and be loyal to you.

May Allah give you a pious and loving husband. Ameen

Answer 3

Well it's kinda like trauma, it takes a while to heal.

I honestly feel the same way towards guys, and I am a guy, I am often ashamed of men for the things they do, so in a way we're in the same boat.

You just have to separate yourself from the places that you hear and see bad things about men (I.E.- TV channels for women (lifetime, etc)), and if you hear it from friends then ask them not to talk about that type of stuff near/with you.

It is pretty sad that the majority of guys are like that, but just keep reminding yourself that not all of them are cheaters/perverts, etc.

I know of a lot of women that have cheated and committed adultery, so it really goes both ways, but I honestly only know 2-3 guys that would never cheat on their wife, so it is a "problem with men".

It doesn't look like you're married, so hopefully when you get married inshAllah you'll have an excellent husband that will help you with the problem of having a hatred towards men.

I pity men that cheat on their wives, especially if they have a wife that loves him and is "loyal" to him, the men that cheat definitely do not deserve a good wife in my opinion.

Not sure if I helped or not :S.

Answer 4

i have many friends like that, and it's true, righteous men are EXTREMELY SCARCE nowadays. yea me and my friends all thought that it would be a miracle to find a man that would be trustworthy, but there are men out there that still fear Allah and work hard to be like the Prophet and the Sahabah.
i pray to Allah to make young muslim men and women out there from Al-Muttaqeen.
and remember that : "Verily some cases of suspicion is sin", this ayah is from the Qur'an, and that tells us that we should not suspect anything because we do not know the unseen.
to stop feeling hatred towards them is to find the good qualities that men have, and just leave them alonr to do what they please; i'm surprised that men dont hate women as much even though women are the most cause of divorce these days, and will be the majority in the hell fire!

salam

Answer 5

Perhaps you need to find a more religious community. In my community, it is something I've never heard of. If a man is really a devout and knowledgeable Muslim AND he doesn't put himself into situations that he shouldn't, he's not going to cheat. So you just need to make sure you find a husband that has these three things going for him. It's not THAT hard.

Really, there is no comparison between the average guys in society with a good Muslim man on this issue. Ask Allah to soften your heart and to put a good, faithful Muslim in your life as a husband.

Answer 6

People's /human/mankind , men's and women's heart is not like a goat or sheep which you can tie to a trunk.

ACCEPT that reality of NATURE then you know it does not matter , then you will find that to a man.woman with an attitude like that, no man or woman will betray her/him.
Because for that particular person , That does not matter, it's nature.

People/mankind/ human like to adventure and to "move" around, but to a steady personality other people like to hold on.

So, if you can't accept human nature , you'll live in limbe and you will never be happy because you will force others ( realize it or not) to follow your heart , ----- which is full with doubt.

I dont know how to stop feeling hatred towards man/men because I dont feel that way and I never depend on them. I dont care if they like or dislike me, in fact I am almost popular among males, young, old , maybe even since i was only 10 .
Why??? Because I like them as friends, they are not picky, they are stronger (phisically) so I can ask help to any of them who are available and capable to help.

Males are easier to deal with.
I can be straight with them, unlike the females, they are easily get emotionally upset. It's tiring .

So, that's my thinking and i am happily married with a devoted husband .

Answer 7

Umm Ali gave the best answer in my opinion. Think about what she told you it is so true.

I felt the same way about men. In my heart I know better, but my personal experiences have told me otherwise. There are good men out there, just be patient and seek refuge with Allah.
Pick someone who fears Allah.He may not be the most attractive or the richest, but he may have a good heart. He may be the one for you. Those type of men tend to get overlooked. There is someone out there for you.(Insha Allah)

Answer 8

Remember that the Prophet Muhammad (sallahu 'alaihi wasallaam) was a man. When you brand all men with your assumption, you are also branding the Prophet (saw).

Insha'Allah, I am certain that many men do fit your description however, there are men who never cheated on their wife while they were married and now, even though they are divorced, have still remained faithful to the committment they originally made.

Insha'Allah, we are not all "pigs" nor are all women whores.

Let us judge each person individually, insha'Allah.

Ma'a salaam

Answer 9

Then don't hate men, don't keep hate at all. For hate will only hurt yourself more then it does any good. Forgive and forget, instead and try not to thread the path twice.
I'm a man who've been through a bad divorce in a case much similar to yours. so, its not always men who did this. "people" would be the correct term.
I don't hate women for what one woman did to me, but I tend not to trust any more of women nor having close associates with them, even if, as you said it, the urges are getting that bad. I get to lose weight pretty fast now since to minimise that urge is through less intake of food.

Acquaintances colleagues, acceptable, but up close and personal, I don't know if I can get over the mistrust I have for women. No matter how kind I treat them, no matter how gentle I'm with them, they saw it as a leverage to step on my head. I'm up to my nose buried in debt because of her, for years I didn't get a taste of my own income, even my food is a gift from my parents for I can't afford to pay for my own meal. All my earnings goes to payoff her debts.
I don't hate her, but I'm angry with her, never will I trust a sweet smiling girl, who is keeping a very sharp razorblade behind her back. On top of that she carried off my son, to Allah knows where, a son I love more then anybody else in this world. You tell me, whether women are very much better then men. To me, its the people, not men, or women in particular.
I'm sorry for getting emotional, sister, but I'm not sorry for what I wrote here. This have to be said. Now, no more hate and no more anger, but mistrust is all that is left, and it tends to colour my judgement when it comes to women.
So the same question the same answer, how can I stop this mistrust towards women? Answer this, you will get your answer clearly.
I miss my son the most, though, we were very close.

Edit: Is this question appropriately belong in this section? woudn't F&R would be suitable?

Answer 10

You sounds like my cousin, she is a big men hater, lolz and of course thats only because of the facts you have mentioned. but then again what you have mentioned about genuine men, so its really so difficult to know who could be real honest. Man of dream is truly difficult to find today. who should be religious,educated,having a good job,responsible,caring,honest,kind, you know all such natural sweet actions.
But I believe that Allah has already made our couples. If we are to get married to Mr.A then we will get him. so what you can do is, pray to Allah for a good husband. Love him,respect him obey him. If he cheats on you (God forbid)Allah is watching, you can take your decisions too.

Just be positive, until and unless you see or experience anysuch thing. Its not good to have negative thinking about someone, especially if its your husband. You have to have a trust in him, inshAllah he will be honest to you too. Prays can change fate, so no big deal :)

We have met so many nice men in our lives,right? so not all men are equal. just believe in that, what ever you are having for now, live with it happily. if it gets bad, deal with it accordingly~!

Answer 11

Keep in mind that not ALL men are cheaters. Look your self in the mirror, how would you feel if everyone thought you cheated on men? (ps If you know in your heart men are NOT cheaters, Isn't that enough?)