My MIL and I DO NOT GET ALONG! So its the same old story, but the children keep asking about her(and my sister in law). My MIL will only accept the children AND her son if I am TOTALLY out of the picture. She is manipulative, controlling, verbally abusive and one-sided. She "has the right to say whatever she feels" including comments about my deceased parents. What is the right thing to do?
The children have contacted her in the past(including while hospitalized-not her but our Diabetic 11 year old). She did not even bother to send an e-card or call his cell phone? What kind of Grandmother and Aunt are these people. They go around telling everyone that "they care so much....it's all HER fault that SHE tainted the children's minds against us".
We have gone over board to "suit" THEIR needs(MIL&SIL)but the blame is always dropped into our laps. The inlaws do not go "out of their way" for anyone except themselves. I refuse to allow their mental, emotional and verbal persist.
2007-12-12 08:45:42 · 11 answers · asked by wlknwtr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This relationship is TOTALLY TOXIC, especially for the children. They claim that I am "the reason that everything went wrong with their brother/son." Let us not forget that my MIL was the Enabler for my Alcoholic father in law(whom has since passed away 5 years ago). Now my SIL(sister in law)maintains the co-dependant relationship w/ her mother. Everything is based on guilt. Should we "let the children learn for themselves" or just maintain the distance (which is already established)for another extended period of time?
As a mother, I am filled with some sort of hope and resolution. I have given them MULTIPLE chances to improve the situation. Please understand that our children have medical needs(which require constant supervision); all of which the inlaws go against. One child is a Type II Diabetic(oral meds, diet, exercise, and glucose testing 3x or more per day). Our other child has Tourette syndrome which requires a medication regime of 24 hours around the clock, so she is able
2007-12-12 08:54:10 · update #1
to function throughout the day/night. She has full body "Tics" which prevent her from sleeping. Currently, we take various shifts with the medication routine.
The inlaws DO NOT abide by any of the doctors orders, regulations, or demands. They come bearing bags CHOCK FULL O'CANDY which interact with their glucose levels/tics(due to artificial sweetners counter acting the meds). I am asking for YOUR HONEST OPINIONS.
2007-12-12 08:58:48 · update #2
This is easy to answer!
1. Don't let your kids stay over their grandma or aunt's home. ONLY allow visits at your home - so you can supervise and ensure they get their proper medication.
2. While your MIL or SIL are at your home - MAKE SURE that you give them boundaries/rules to follow. If your MIL or SIL insult you or do something bad toward the children - then immediately kick them out.
3. Your kids want their MIL and SIL in their lives - and that is normal and is healthy as long as your MIL and SIL are NOT abusing the children by badmouthing you or your husband. Encourage their visits and be a gracious hostess. Don't put up with any BALONEY from them though - set rules and consequences if they don't follow the rules.
2007-12-12 09:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by Dina K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation with my MIL and I totally understand. But I also have the ability to see from from the child's point of view because my mother did not get along with her own mother and in turn did not allow my brother and I to have a relationship with her. I more or less resented my mother for making that decision for me. With that said my brother doesn't really care one way or the other. But, as for what I do, I allow my MIL to have short visits with the kids and I do not allow her to have them without myself or my husband present. I don't trust her as far a I can throw her.
2007-12-12 09:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like they are hurting your kids, just you. Rise above the situation and make sure your kids have a relationship with their grandmother. Kids are smart, they will know what is the truth and what isn't, you don't have to say anything. Stop using your children as a weapon against someone you cannot get along with. You are all adults and should be setting a better example but you don't have control over what they do, just yourself. So do it, and be the better person for your children.
2007-12-12 08:56:52 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much you dislike your mil. The high road and the right thing to do is to let your kids have contact with them. Its not easy but in the long run its what is right, and you come away being the better person
2007-12-12 08:51:00 · answer #4 · answered by Love the west 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not bring your children around these people. One, if they do not respect you and your home, they do not respect your children. Two, if they ignore or just don't care about your children's health problems, they don't need to be around them. I understand you want your children to know their aunt and grandmother, I also understand that you want a healthy relationship with your in-laws not only for your childern's sake but for your husband to, but you have to draw the line. They have to understand that if they want proper treatment and respect, they must show it first. Meaning, you will not tolerate them talking mess about you and blaming you for the problems they create,then expect you to let them be apart of you and your childern's lives. It does not work like that, there is equal respect given both way's first. You sound like a nice women and a wonderful mother, you have taken on a responablity most women with childern with special needs, would have just given up on. Do not let some mess like mean and disrepectful in-laws bring you down. Kepp your head up and keep doing what you do best: taking care of your kids.
2007-12-12 09:12:40 · answer #5 · answered by ashley m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, dont bring the kids around these ppl...I am currently going thru the same thing...that makes no sense to just want to be bothered with the kids and hubby but not YOU...these ppl are obviously too silly and need to grow up...your kdis deserve better than a couple of losers...god bless
2007-12-12 08:52:13 · answer #6 · answered by God Bless America!~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised that your husband lets this go on. He is the one you should get rid of if he lets this continue. He is the one letting them do this to you and your children.
In my opinion, you, your husband and your children should not have anything to do with your mil or sil. Do not let your children contact them for Christmas unless it is to mail them a card or gift.
2007-12-12 09:01:23 · answer #7 · answered by Blessed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Terminating his rights would be perplexing while you at the instant are not married and the guy on your lifestyles would not elect to undertake your daughter. baby help is your daughter's good and the courts are reluctant to do away with that good. yet, what i could do is beat him to the punch. record a parenting plan and visitation time table with the courts as we talk giving him supervised visits on your county for a pair of hours each week. additionally, lay out his skill to call, digital mail, and so on and so on your daughter and lay out regulations for college get entry to, scientific get entry to, and so on and so on. particularly, without parenting plan, if he's on the start certificates and takes her for an in one day, he can refuse obtainable her lower back till the court docket comes to a decision, as you the two good now have equivalent custodial rights. placed the ball in his court docket with this checklist. Make him pay for supervised visitation for a minimum of six months and then enable unsupervised on your county for a minimum of two years. do no longer enable overnights till you sense preserve and till you have a checklist for custody. If he fails to take place, you are able to then use this as a foundation for removing all rights to visitation, it extremely is diverse than his parental rights and accepted jobs. you will desire to be granted supervised visits consistent together with his previous. in case you are able to no longer arise with the money for an lawyer, the courts often have a facilitator which will instruct you ways to with the place of work work besides as community legal help classes.
2016-10-11 03:54:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think to discus open with our husband, they are his family at first.if he knows what kind of people they are he would not have a problem not contacting with them again!
and don't send your children alone with them , they will find way to turn them against you!!!!
2007-12-12 08:57:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jule B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
same for me but just let them visit bcause it is their gma
2007-12-12 08:59:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋