Toddler hitting Mama?

Question

My Fifteen Month Old just started throwing major tantrums anytime he doesn't get his way. I notice that he is especially naughty to me. He hits me and pulls my hair. I asked my sitter if he does this to them and she said no. I only work 20 hours a week and spend the rest of my time with my baby. I give him a lot of love and care. Is it normal for a child to be MORE defiant to the primary caregiver?

Answer 1

Oohhhhhhhhh yeah. He is beginning to assert his independence. They start doing this at the age when they figure out they're a separate person from you, which is usually around 18 months, sometimes a little earlier.

You are going to get the brunt of this, because he is not nearly as dependent on someone like the babysitter.

Don't worry: be loving and consistent, learn how to deflect the tantrums and pick your fights (showdowns won't work for either of you), and it will pass. Then you won't have to deal with it again until he's 13 or so.

And I hate to disagree with these other very wise answers, but hitting him will not make anything better. People will swear on a stack of Bibles that they were spanked and it made them perfect people.

I never once laid a hand on my children and they are now intelligent, kind, loving young adults.

Answer 2

Wow, I can't get over how many people are telling you to hit him back! What is that teaching him - that when you're angry, it's OK to hit? Oh, please! My son went through this stage, and yes, time - out DID work! Once he realized he couldn't be around Mommy if he acted that way, he stopped doing it.
Yes, it's normal for a child to act that way toward the primary caregiver. He feels more comfortable around you, which is why he does it. My son was a little angel for Daddy whenever he got home from work. I, on the other hand, and a full - time mom, so I got to see the devilish side. But with some consistency, he'll learn not to hit.

Answer 3

Absolutely, even at this age your child is aware of who is in charge, that is why you have been especially chosen. He is trying to dominate in the relationship in order to have his own way. Best advice? Stamp this out right now, ignore his tantrums, walk away if at home and tell him you will be back to him when he calms down. If not at home, stop whatever you are doing and take the child home. Sounds like a pain in the a**e but If you fuss him when he is having a tantrum he is getting attention for bad behaviour, definitately not something you should encourage! Under no circumstances must he be allowed to hit you or pull your hair, when he does this hold his hands or arms quite firmly and say NO, you do not do that!. I know of so many mothers who have failed to deal with these issues at this age and the kids have progressed to being horrible nasty brats not to put too fine a point on it. Then when the child gets to six or seven the mothers are pulling their own hair out and wailing "what should I do?" There is but one answer to that..... You left it toooo late mate. Take it from one who knows, deal with this now, you may love your child beyond belief but it is not called "spoiling" for nothing. You are in charge and your child needs to know this, it is one of the best lessons you could ever teach him. Good luck x

Answer 4

it is very normal for him to be more defiant with you. he feels comfortable with you and knows no matter what he does you love him unconditionally. you could almost take it as a compliment! lol. the best thing to did is to not give into his tantrums and to not draw to much attention to them. any attention, even negative attention teaches him that he will get a reaction out of you when he throughs a fit! a lot of times tantrums are based out of frustration. your son needs to learn that while it is ok to feel frustrated it is an unexceptable to hit, etc. and that there is a certain way to handle himself. even at 15 months. find a designated melt-down place (i.e. a certain place in the room, a naptime mat, etc) and anytime he begins to throw a fit, take him there, stay nearby so you can keep an eye on him, but ignore him. if he trys to get up, put him back and say he can come off the mat or at of that spot when he is done with his fit. i have used this in daycare. i used a specific mat that was different then the "time out spot" so they knew the difference between getting in trouble and having a melt down. it worked so well that i had a two year old who would feel a melt down coming on, go sit herself on the mat, cry, get up and join in with what we were doing. i have used this with my two-year old daughter too. when ever she throws a fit, she knows she goes to her room until she is done. there have been times that she has been mid fit, i go to move her, and she yells, "done" and gets over it :)

good luck. the toddler years can be the most trying, but they are the most fun. continue to give him lots of love and care and realize there will be a day when he won't through himself on the floor because you said no! :)

Answer 5

It is best to firmly say no when the child is hitting, and holding his hands to keep it from happening. I don't have a child, but I am a teacher, and it seems that's the best thing. I don't know though, that's just my opinion! Time out at that age doesn't work, so my normal answer is out. Time out is great! Also, don't give in to his demands just because he is throwing a tantrum. That only teaches him that if he has a fit, he will enventually get what he wants. Good luck!

Answer 6

Yep this is normal- children always act worse for the mommy's and daddy's then they do for others. My son is very defiant and went through this at about 15 months and then for a short time at 3 1/2.
When he was 15 months and hit me I would tell him NO in a stearn voice, set him down and walk away from him. He didn't get my attention when he hit.

When he was 3 1/2 he tried it again. He smacked me in the head, so I smacked his head (not to hard) he was SHOCKED! I told him if you hit someone you should expect to get hit back. He tested this theroy the next day with my 2 year old neice and and she let him have it!. It worked - he stopped hitting.

Answer 7

The best thing you can do is intervene.

Don't give him a chance to hit you... or stop him in the process.

Grab his hands and look him right in the eyes and tell him in a stern voice, "No hitting, be nice to your Mommy."

Show him that you are the boss... I know he is only 15 months , but it sounds like there is a little bit of a power struggle going on... especially since he only does it to you.

Sometimes we just need to understand from their point of view as they cannot fully express themselves.
There are useful information to understand and how to deal with other similar situations

Answer 8

It's very normal. He knows you love him no matter what, so he knows he can behave a little worse with you. The saying "we hurt the ones we love the most" is around for a reason.
I also have a 15-mth old who tries to hit out of frustration. When he does, I look him in the eye and firmly tell him "no, you do not hit". Then I put him in time out (a stool in the hallway). I slowly count to ten, tell him again not to hit, then tell him to go play.
I think hitting is definitely an instinct. My son has never seen anyone else hit...he's not in daycare, no siblings, no tv, etc. It's just something they go through. Stay firm and consistent and like most toddler things, it should pass.

Answer 9

good grief mom know this is not normal. when he has his Lil hissey fit,tell him no firmly sit him down and let him scream him self horse if need be. you must maintain control now or you are headed for absolute destruction.be consistent in your No's do not say no this hour and the next let it slide cause you are busy or tired. he is testing you to see who will give in.you have a strong willed child there,it may take six months or more of consistently being on top of him. do not let him see your anger and that he is getting the best of you. good luck you'll come out the winner and so will he in the long run.firmness and discipline and sticking to it is what parent's do. you are not his friend you are his mommy to teach him to make it in a society where he will need to function in as a successful working adult.

Answer 10

My son went through a similar phase around that age. He started hitting me on the face and pulling my hair. I got the impression he was just testing me to see how I was going to react.

Every time he hit or pulled my hair, I calmly grabbed his hands, told him "no hitting" or "no pulling hair" and I sat him on my lap (still holding his arms) for a minute or so...until he had settled down. Then we went back to playing. Occasionally he would try to hit me again immediately after his "time out" and in those cases I just immediately repeated the same discipline.

It took about four weeks of consistent discipline and then the behavior stopped completely :)