out of control kids, what to do?

Question

my b/f has two boys 4&8 from his ex. their mother isnt the greatest of moms. she seperates them all day and keeps them gated in their rooms so they cant get out. the 4 year old isnt even potty trained or know colors abc and has a hard time with speach. the main problem is they are crazy! constantly hitting punching pinching bitting eachother. if we ask them to stop they tell us mommy says we dont have to listen to you,no. and they climb all over the furniture, jump off it. they curse, they know everyword. scream all day long throw things, break things purposly. we cant control them. and we cant talk to the mom because she doesnt care about them. when we sit them in time out it might last for 5 minutes but its the same thing all over again. what can we do? we only get them on weekends n wesdys. she has them the rest. my bf tried getting custody but she has effed most of the township cops. and always aeems to get her way in court... what to do to straighten out the kids while their over?

no, we dont spank them.

let me make this clear. the mother would be estatic with joy if she knew they were that way with us. she is a user. conceived a child with another man b4 leaving my bf. also the oldest boy we are almost positive isnt my bf. but we dont care at this point, we love him too much. we cannot work with the mother she does not care about the children just the child support.

we called child services, when the 8 year old 6 1/2 at was sticking objects in his butt. they came up with nothing.

they tell me all the time when she says bad things about me. like i stole daddy from her(which is so not true) i am a liar, she hates me and for them to be bad so i leave daddy. her opinion doesnt matter to me. but its only messing with their heads.

they locked there father out of the house, he went out to smoke a cig, we dont smoke inside. and i had to drive home from a baby shower a half n hour away to let him in. they wouldnt unlock the door.

the mom n my bf have been apart 4 years now. ive been living with my bf 1yr n 1/2. and together for almost 3. she is just a horrible person. she called 2 days ago thrilled to death because the 8 year old beat up a kid at the bus stop.

sorry peter, i cannot just give them coal.

When i was younger my dad spanked me for things i did. and yeah i think if they were mine i would spank them. but really thats his decition, and he wont do that. and maybe if it were a differant situation and the mom wasnt it the picture, they would be spanked. but he would be in court so fast for laying a hand on them. she takes joy in his misery. trust me.

bronco, yea its all true. the cops would come into the house, pick her up at the house while leaving the kids inside. the neighbors told my bf after he got her to leave. we dont have evidence on paper stating this and we cant drag the neigbors to court. my bf best friend screwed her all the while the 8 (5 at the time) year old was up stairs for 5 hours with no bathroom. he peed himsself and when she let him out he was hyperventalating. the 4 year old was only about 1 in his crib. he was suppose to show up to court to confess with my bf. but didnt. its so hard to gather these kind of facts and win. expecially with her she is a good actor.

oh and they dont eat normal food. no chicken, pork, steak, hambergurs, hotdogs, nothing. no potatoes vegetables. all the mother feeds them is cerial and poptarts.

its just so frustrating. any lawyer wants 3000 to go to court with this. we tried a few places. theres no garentee.

Answer 1

If what you're saying is true, she shouldn't have custody.

What you should do is take them to a psychologist and have him/her check the kids out and get thier opinion. If what they say agrees with what you're describing, get them to testify and she'd be screwed in court.


No, I get it. Life is sometimes f-ed up and the system doesn't always work the way that it should. She absolutely sounds like a crazy b-tch and should be thrown into rehab or something. I still would talk to a lawyer. The only other real way that I think you could nail her would be to have the two boys start talking to someone in position that could help you take action, if you'd want to put them through it.

Answer 2

Next time they act up, put them in the car and start driving them to their mom's house. Tell them that their behavior is unacceptable if they want to stay. (You don't have to necessarily make it all the way to the mom's house. Chances are they may apologize before you even get there. In which case you turn around and go back home with them. make them stick to a promise to behave.)

It sounds like you treat them well, better than what they have at home. They need to appreciate the difference. Otherwise, no matter what you do to correct their behavior, things won't change. At best, it will change towards the end of each visit, and you will have to start from square one every time they come over.

ps We had tried the child protective services thing. Believe me, from experience, it is a whole can of worms you don't want to open. It truly can make a bad situation much worse. We did get awarded custody in the end, but the weight it bore on the children was too big. You can also expect random drug testing for yourselves if you do that, since drugs were involved with one of the parents. You will be required to take parenting classes. if you miss one because it conflicts with your work schedule, it counts against you. You are treated like a criminal. Case workers can range from sweet to completely apathetic. The kids also had to spend a few days in the children's shelter until we could prove ourselves that we were good parents.Take caution!

Answer 3

Your boyfriend should work with the ex in order to develop a consistent set of rules/discipline. Perhaps the mom is overwhelmed, maybe she has some other problem- but very few moms actually just don't care.
I think the bigger concern right now would be that the children are living with a mother who can't properly care for them- their behavior is a symptom rather than the main problem. Your boyfriend should try to work with the mom to see if there is anyway he can work with her so the children will have a better upbringing. It isn't always easy to take the high road, be civil and work with your ex for the sake of your children, but that is what a parent has to do.

Answer 4

contact the school and see if they can help. then i would call child proction services and ask them to do an un announced child welfare check. she is seriously neglecting those kids.
or you could ask your boyfriend to talk 2 their mother and c if she will let the kids live with him, and that he will keep giving her the money. if she agrees to this then you could use the time 2 put the kids in therepy, and use the therapist to help get custody. no mater what you have to do whatever it takes to do what will be the best for the children.
when they r with you tell them that when they r there there r rules to follow and give them the rules. have dad tell them this, then when they disobey put them in time out or a corner, or have them write sentences.

Answer 5

well you've got one thing right these children are like this because of there mum they may be like that at home but its time to change that when they are in your home they can do whatever they want at home but they have to learn they have to abide by your rules when they are with you they will soon learn they cant act the same as they do when there with their mum. first things first you have to be stern when they misbehave dont shout though but make it clear your being serious, when they say mum says not to listen to you clearly state thatthey are in your house now and not with their mum and while they are here they will behave and not be silly, back this up by implementing a silly step everytime they misbehave they are sat on the spot if they get up calmly sit them back and explain why there there but still be stern, 1 minute on the spot for every year of there age always make sure they appologise for what they have done its good to be consistent with this, last thing i can advise is to reward them when they are good let them know at the start that if they are good they will be rewarded e'g a sticker chart for everytime they are with you if they have all their stickers at the end of the month they get a gift stuff like that good luck

Answer 6

Thats a tuff spot u both are in.
I suggest that u find some activities for them that they can channel their energy in. And perhaps seek a proffessional in child mangement and get their advice. Continue to be stern.
Also, u can document their behavior with witha video camera and seek the advice of an attorney on ur options of seeking custody directly from the courts by petitioning them due to neglect. U may even need to go to social services and report this. Hope that helps and God Bless.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Try giving them rewards for good behavior and spanking or reward removal for bad behavior. There is something, be sure you time with them is fun and exciting and productive. That will make them want to be there more and behave when they are. It takes persistence. And I can tell you locking me out would have been a automatic butt whooping, Big time! This is where their father comes in. He should step up, really.

Answer 9

The kids are acting out because of MOMS! So, when you and your boyfriend get custody..move out of that township...to the closest city and get them help when they can absorb it. Right now mom's is too much an influence. I would get a cam corder and have their behavior at your home on tape for the judge when you go for custody. Little town cops don't have a Judges good judgment as it were.....so if you document well, you will win, and try to get Mom's right revoked or at least supervised visits. If mom acts up around you get that on cam recorder too. Just document as much as you can. The kids will calm down when not around Mom's bad influence. You can get them separate counseling...and family counseling to help them bond and respond to you and your boyfriend. Be Strong...Good Luck! Take care of those poor children!!!!!Happy Holidays...

Answer 10

I would call a social worker. Or a better lawyer. You can go way above the "township". You also have to fight the urge to be the "cool" parents and lay down the law. Show them that you respect them, but you are not going to put up with their crap. Your boyfriend needs to step up and do this. It really isn't your reponsibility.