Well I've been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs and I love him alott! But our sex life isn't the best. I don't orgasm by sex... just by being touched and by receiving oral. He has a problem with the fact that I can't 'get off' while having sex... he thinks it's because I'm not attracted to him, or because I'm getting 'it' somewhere else. I love to masturbate and do it regularly (about 3-4 x's a wk). We don't live together so when I'm in the mood or just watching a porn (girl on girl is the only thing i get off too though) - idk... any advise on how I could possibly start cumming with sex?
2007-12-12 05:48:39 · 37 answers · asked by pam3la 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay..here's what I would want to know. Are you using a vibrator? If so, then you should know your spot well enough to be able to postition yourself when you're with your man to achieve an orgasm. If you're not using one, then maybe you should get one and practice..and hopefully you will find your spot and be able to tell him how to hit it. Good luck girl!
2007-12-12 06:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by Somebody's Afta Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay well, the more you masturbate, the more difficult it will be for you to finish during sex with your boyfriend. So try doing that less and it will probably help.
Also, if girl on girl is the only thing that makes you go, and your boyfriend feels you're not attracted to him, maybe you're a lesbian...or at least bisexual currently wanting a woman rather than a man.
Also, four years can be a while. Maybe you need some new sexual techniques. Try new things.
I know many people might disagree with me here, this is how I feel personally. I think by watching porn too much, you're judgment on sex may be impaired in a way. Like, you're expecting your boyfriend to look, work, and act the way these movies are. They might be sex, but you have to remember they are just movies. They try to use the best looking people they can find for those movies, a lot of digital editing and enhancing, along with surgery and makeup... and not too many "real" people look that way. So by sleeping with someone who may be less attractive because he isn't fake, might turn you off a bit since you are so used to the porn. Some might disagree there, but thats how I see it. So think about it and maybe you are the same way.
2007-12-12 05:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend needs to stop being so sensitive and do some research because you are 100% completely NORMAL!!!! Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
Knowing this, I often "assist" by stimulating myself with my hand or a vibrator during intercourse. I have never had a man that was threatened by this because they still get to share my awesome orgasms with me!
Also, I am sure if you were to ask some of your closest female friends you will find out that what I say is true. And if your friends say they always get off they are one of the lucky few......
Check out this website where this is actually one of the TOP 10 sex myths!!! (It is number 9!)
9. Most women orgasm through intercourse. I'm not going to harp on about this one because anyone who's ever read any of my other articles practically has it written on their forehead in felt tip marker pen that only 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone. But it is worth repeating. Most women need stimulation of the clitoris by a hand or a vibrator during intercourse in order to climax. It's not anyone's fault that the penis isn't enough; it's a design fault in the female body. The clitoris is outside the vagina, rather than inside it (not terribly helpful of whoever has the female body patent, I agree). True, some women claim to have fabulous orgasms through front vaginal wall stimulation. But the good old-fashioned clitoral orgasm is far more common and reliable.
2007-12-12 06:02:29 · answer #3 · answered by msnite1969 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is a little naive about the physiology of the female or he would know this, too: The stats vary, but many, many women cannot climax solely from intercourse. Have him try to stimulate you with his hands while you are having sex. Sometimes that works, but you often have to work up to it to be comfortable with it. If it doesn't there are other things you can try, but understand that it's not you. It's just how we're built. It's possible that that's why the GonG porn is sexier to you, because oral and being touched is what works for you. Have you tried watching one of those with him? Guys usually love that sort of thing, and it might help you, too.
2007-12-12 06:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by lisawithcats 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
EDIT--
WOW. I can't believe how people don't read questions very carefully. From what you said, I understand that you CAN orgasm with your boyfriend (through touching or oral) but CANNOT orgasm through penetration. Disregard all those comments about not orgasming with your boyfriend, or that you're bi, etc. I think the girl-on-girl porn is just either a fantasy or nice for yuo because you see girls climaxing, and you want to be a girl climaxing. (After all, guys' anatomy isn't that interesting to see...)
---
You probably can't. Something like 50% of women cannot have an orgasm through Penis-in-Vagina sex. Freud believed that clitoral orgasms weren't "genuine," but he was full of s***. Be thankful that you can get off through touching and oral. If your boyfriend has only been with women who can get off through penetration, then he's just gotten very very lucky.
Some people believe that slowing down the masturbation will affect orgasms, but that's not the case here, because you may not be able to orgasm that way.
The only other thing that I can think of is to encourage your bf to try other positions that might either (a) stimulate your clitoris more during penetration (there's one in Cosmo this week I noticed while waiting for groceries, but there always is) or (b) stimulate your "g-spot" (if you are able to have g-spot orgasms). If he curves downward, doggie may do it. Woman on top sometimes works to, as you can more easily control the angle of the penis while inside you. You can also touch yourself while he's in you, or ask him to, to get the "clitorial + penetration double shot."
But the last thing you should do is "try" to climax... that almost always leads to zilch. :)
And then you have to tell your boyfriend these things. Find websites that prove that few women climax through penetration and show that it's not because you're not attracted to him, but it's because you just may not be built that way. (If anything, it's his fault for not lasting long enough or stimulating you in the right way.)
good luck!
2007-12-12 05:57:38 · answer #5 · answered by Perdendosi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well from what i'm reading i think that you have some type of fantasy that you want to pursue or something. I think that if you really did have sex with a girl that things would be a lot better for you and him. This is something that you have to agree to though. Just try it or even a three some if you get off that way then i'm sure you'll love it in real life. Other wise your just going to keep on doing it and he's going to keep feeling bad about it. Just let him know you love him and that you appreicate what he's trying to do.
2007-12-12 05:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by prospectprincess_2004 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A lot of women can't orgasm during intercourse. The body parts usually don't rub together in just the right place.
I recommend a lot of foreplay, a lot of fantasy (I'm talking about what's going on in your head during intercourse, not role playing--but please do role play if that floats your boat) and he's going to have to stimulate you in other ways during intercourse for you to orgasm then.
If he continues to make an issue of this, then take him for a visit to you gyno and have the doctor explain the facts of life to him. If that isn't good enough for him, then he's just looking for an excuse to fight you.
2007-12-12 06:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Practice makes perfect. How is it you only orgasm to girl on girl porn? Do you feel sexually ambiguous? Bi-curious? That could be part of it, but the truth of the matter is there a millions of women just like you who DO NOT orgasm through penetration, but through manual or oral manipulation. Tell him to read a book or take a class or to try harder to find out what makes you tick.
Good Luck!
2007-12-12 05:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by outspoken 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
75% of women can't have an orgasm during sex, so you're not alone.
Maybe try and masturbate less...I know it's hard, but it will probably improve your chances of having an orgasm. Or try and increase the amount of foreplay. Or get him to touch your clit (or you do it) while you're having intercourse.
2007-12-12 05:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by EllaBean33 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm 25 years old, I've been having sex for 11 years, and I have never ever ever had an orgasm from penetration. The only way for me is by oral or masterbation. Some women are just that way, tell him he has to live with it. Don't give him any unless he gives you some first.
2007-12-12 05:51:55 · answer #10 · answered by Emily Rugburn 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋