Please help me.. I'm 21 yrs old, and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. We don't/haven't lived together and had planned on getting an apartment as soon as I got a job. I'm Hispanic and he is too. Our parents are the traditional Mexicans that would prefer us get married through the church before moving in with each other. I love the idea of getting married- we had talked about getting married, and i know he's the one... but I'm tired of living with my parents and he is too. He's 23. Should we do the traditional way and marry then live, or go along with what's normal nowadays and live together - then plan a wedding. I know that financially - it'd be better to marry then start buying a house... cause if we get an apt, live together for 2 yrs or so.. then marry, --- idk? help...suggestion...
2007-12-12 05:42:15 · 11 answers · asked by pam3la 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There are a couple of things wrong with this picture. First off, you are only 21. Second, you say you will get an apartment "when" you get a job, which implies that you do not have steady employment. Third, you say you love the "idea" of getting married.
These are all big red flags to me. Marriage is so much more than just a nice idea. You are both young enough. Take the time to live out on your own (not together) so you have an idea of what it's like. Take some college courses. Start a career. You don't even sound like you have the financial wherewithal to pay for an apartment, much less a home or a wedding.
If you truly love each other, waiting a bit before getting married and living together won't be a problem.
2007-12-12 06:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I personally feel that all engaged couples should be required to live togther for at least a year prior to getting legally married- there is just so much you can't possibly know about someone until you share the day-to-day household responsibilities and routines. However, if both your families' beliefs are so strongly rooted in marriage before living together, it could cause an all-out war if you go ahead and find an apartment without being married. Also, I want to say, it is NEVER a good idea to get married just because you don't want to live at home with your parents anymore. Is there maybe a happy medium you could reach? Maybe each of you could move out of your parents' house, but move in with a same-sex roommate instead of with each other? That way you get the freedom you're craving without disrespecting your families' beliefs about marriage and all that. Think about that as a solution.
2007-12-12 13:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Just because living together before marriage is more common nowadays doesn't mean its the way you need to go. You say you love the idea of getting married and as long as he also loves the idea, then that is what you should do. Its a wonderful experience and makes the transition of moving in with each other more special because its not like you get married and then go back to living with him and nothing has changed. You get married and it represents a whole new exciting life where you first begin living together and its super special. I actually wanted to live with my bf before we got married but his parents wouldn't allow it (they said they'd stop paying for his tuition if we got married or moved in with each other before getting married before he graduated and we couldnt afford that). While I hated that they did that, I think in the end, it was so nice getting married and then finally being able to live with him and enjoy that new experience right after the wedding :)
2007-12-12 13:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa L 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's really your decision, but don't EVER get married because you're tired of your current living situation. My brother did that and was the biggest mistake of their lives - and they both admit that. And they were the same age as you. I personally recommend living together. You can't live out your parents beliefs if you don't believe in them yourselves. You can only do what's right for you.
That statistic of couple living together before marriage isn't quite accurate. Couples open enough to live together are the ones who typically believe divorce is an option.
2007-12-12 14:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by Peace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's really a personal choice. I decided to live with my fiance and I am really happy with my decision because it allowed me to learn about not only him, but the way he lives his life. Now I feel much more prepared for marriage because I know the good and bad about him and I know that we can live together peacefully and happily. However, I do know about Hispanic culture and the way that the traditions work. I am very against the idea of getting married just so you can move out though, that would be a lifetime commitment to solve a temporary problem.
You need to do what is best for you, is it important enough to you to move out to risk upsetting your family. If so, and you are ready to defend that, then do it. If you think it is going to upset your families too much, it may be better to wait. Good luck.
2007-12-12 13:48:44 · answer #5 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋
i think its whatever you prefer because i personally would wait til marriage to move in together, or at least find a decent job and then get married and then live together, i mean its really just a personal choice
2007-12-12 14:09:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think it's best to live with someone before you get married. There's so much more you get to know about a person when you have to share the same space with them, and share responsibilities like paying bills, making repairs, and so forth. (Btw, don't worry about buying a house just yet, you have time for that.) But I understand your parents clinging to their traditions. I think they'd eventually get over it though. You might have to pay for the wedding though. Also check with your church to see what their policy is on co-habitating before marriage. I knew a girl who's evangelist pastor wouldn't marry her because she lived with her fiance first.
2007-12-12 13:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by my brain hurts 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Although I understand your families desire for you to marry first before moving in together, marriage is not something to enter into lightly. You might be very sure that he is "the one", but the question is whether you are ready for marriage yet. With marriage comes responsibilities: finances, children, work, home, family....etc. Are you ready for that?
2007-12-12 14:25:16 · answer #8 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're both too young to get married. Do what's truly "normal" and get an apartment with a friend or two while you GO TO COLLEGE, and he should do the same. If you're still in love at 25, AFTER you've lived on your own AFTER you've become and adult and AFTER you have an education, then start planning the wedding.
2007-12-12 13:59:28 · answer #9 · answered by monicanena 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Statistically, your chances of having a divorce are much, much higher if you live together before marriage. Although it is very common, it really is not the best choice if you want to have a life-long marriage. It can be difficult to stay with your parents, but tough it out a little longer and plan for a wedding, no need to rush!
2007-12-12 13:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by livewithoutfear 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋