I had been dating a guy for 4 years and found out a week ago that he has been cheating and lying for at least 11 months, We planned on marriage 8/8/08 My ex husb did the same thing my son and i left when he was 2 wks old and i finally learned to trust and love this guy with my whole being. I got cell phn bills and asked what was goin on, he said yeah I am f*&#ing her, now he has been at my house 4+ nights a week and doing family stuff and for him to lie so easily, kills me. Yesterday he said, I know I hurt your feelings, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? My son is the only reason I am still here. He said I am a good woman that stays home and takes care of her son and was not out in the streets. So why get a b*tch out in the street if you had everything at home?? She even knew about me and my son. I don't know how to pick up the pcs. He has had no problem moving on with her the past 4yrs don't even matter. Its like I don't even know him. He played with my sons heart promising to adopt. so f'd up
2007-12-12 03:30:06 · 10 answers · asked by spellbound1122 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know thats the sad part.. thats why u got to date them when there young and your young so u know this guy and u can "train him" lol... but anyways its too late for that.. my best advise is to be straight up and honest because the thing with men is that they get away with so much.. no women ever seems to tell him that what hes doing is wrong.. we leave him ya.. we tell him what a jurk he is ya.. but we dont tell him are true feelings how we felt .. why what hes doing is wrong.. clearly he doesnt know that.. confront your boyfriend.. and tell him EVERYTHING.. how much u sacrafised.. that u would do anything for him and that you would never even think about doing such a thing to him.. tell him about his promises to your child.. ask him what made him think to do that.. (go to the root of the problem... but dont make yourself seem as though its your fault cause its not he screwed up.. and he may blame u so be prepared).. let him know that he had everything at home and that u know that he knows u would do anything for him.. so why he had to go out there "looking" for love is beyond me.... (in your case you.. lol) .. tell him that your not the kind of women who tollerates being played like this and that your mamma neva rased no fool lol! tell your son that the person u thought ur boyfriend to be is different and people change sometimes for better or for worse.. and tell him that ur leaving.. pack your bads ASAP and get out! YOU deserve better and YOU know it.. and NOT all men are complete jurks and do that.. its not YOU who attracts them so dont do the blame thing.. its like this "you teach people how to treat you".. i know u never asked for it.. but im sure he thought that he could get away with it and do anything.. i dont know what made him think that but obviously there was something.. so with that thought in his head.. he acted on instict.. he probably had a thought of u pop up in his head while he was seeing u but again thought that it would be "nothing" because you will never find out and he will be able to talk his way out of it.. or convince u, u wont do it again if u foudn out. Because again he thinks he can get away with it.. because ur not upfront and u dont let him know in the beggining stages that your not one to mess with.. dont beat yourself up with that in mind but use it for knowledge and for your own benifet when u enter your next relationship.. you can teach people to treat you right if u let them know your not one who will get screwed around with.. and that comes from the early stages when you enter the relationship.. let him know.. and that is what i learnd from my own experience.. see i too have experienced something similar and now in my new relationship i let this guy know that i dont put up with that ****.. and i let him know where he stands ... and he knows that he cant get away with anything cause i will find out and i will confront him and he HATES it when i do that so hes a good boy lol he listens :) TRUST ME!! it does work! LEARN from your experiences.. GROW with your knowledge.. and TEACH it to others.. thats what life is about! and im sharing this with you on that thought :)
good luck
kesha <3333333333
god bless!
2007-12-12 03:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I am sorry to hear about all that. Unfortunately it's more about what kind of person he is than him being a man. (Though men can disconnect easier than women.) There's not much you can do if he wants to let go.
My ex back stabbed me all the time and even hired a lawyer 4 months before we separated, (while i was pregnant!) so he could plot for the divorce ahead of time. He would lie to me about where money was going, about where he was at, he wouldn't be home for days at a time and would not answer his cell. I suspected her was cheating but never found proof. He approached the whole situation with the same kind of coldness your BF did.
It sucks but there is nothing you can do but get out while you can. you can't get back the 4 years you spent with him but at least you can prevent yourself from spending your entire life with someone who is going to betray you. The bright side is, at least you found this out BEFORE you got married to him and he adopted your son. At least now you can make a clean break and not have to hash this out in court and prolong the whole ordeal.
Just make the break the now. It's his loss and hopefully you can heal and find a good man.I wish you the best of luck. Take care. and hang in there. At least you know the truth now. Him and his side dish deserve each other.
2007-12-12 04:23:37 · answer #2 · answered by Rei-Rei 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear your situation, but you are not alone. Unfortunately people tend to be attracted to the same "type" of person in new relations. The problem is not that all guys are unfaithful, rather that for some reason you are attracted to that "type" of person. Keep looking, there are a lot of caring men out there, you just haven't met the right one. Hint: don't look so hard, let the relationship build on its own.
Happy Holidays.....
2007-12-12 03:38:17 · answer #3 · answered by Jim N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've really been burned. I'm sad to hear that.
All men aren't "deceptive" and "don't care".
I wish I knew how to answer this question better. I don't know you and I don't know him.
This is never a popular thing to say (I'm expecting lots of thumbs down) but here we go: it sounds like there's something up in your life that's attracting this sort of men to you. The good news in that is if you can find it and change it, you'll quit having bums show up.
2007-12-12 03:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course as you know, it's not only men that do this. You poor thing, I'm so sorry this happened. It happened to me recently and she is a woman. She did it in an absolutely heartless manner (she left me for some dude she ****** on a cruise). There are just some cruel, heartless people out there.
2007-12-12 03:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by toochp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men like him, give men like me a bad name. You obviously are attracted to the wrong kind of men. So before you plan on marrying another man, make sure he is right. Try and find out about his past and you might learn something.
2007-12-12 03:37:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
men that cheat are scum sucking dogs and obviously that is the only way of life they know. Lose the jerk, you can do better. There actually are good men out there, but finding them is the key. good luck in life!!
2007-12-12 04:52:26 · answer #7 · answered by Gypsy Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look what he even promised your son and the way he did
you. he makes it sound like he is doing you a favor to
even be with you.
you deserve far better, drop this man and find a good
one. i know you will. good luck.
2007-12-12 03:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by Jerry S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough situation, sorry. Think of what's best for yourself and your kid and move on. Drop the bastard.
2007-12-12 03:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they r inconsiderate punks didnt u know
2007-12-12 03:33:13 · answer #10 · answered by iluvmeeee 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋