I am 27 years old and there is this guy that went to high school with that I recently (about a year ago) reconnected with online. Shortly after high school we attempted dating but it didn't work as i was away at school. Now 10 years later, i have told him that i always liked him and he says the same!
Problem: He has a girlfriend that he has been with for 4 years. She has 2 children (not his) and they all live in a house HE just bought! I have heard numerous stories about how she cheats on him (small town) from others and how she just uses him. He calls me and he has told me that he thinks we are more on the same level than him and her. He makes arrangements to see me and backs out at the last minute. He says she is not "the one" and he doesn't really feel for her anymore. He says financially he can't put her out right now!
We have never had sex or even kissed but he is a really good guy!! Should i hold out or leave them be??? Should I keep talking to him on the phone?
2007-12-12 03:13:53 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is very concerned with the kids and he says he would feel bad to put them out! I think he feels obligated to not waste the 4 years!
He is a good guy in the sense of hard working, honest, and nice to everyone!
We have not done anything because he says it wouldn't be right, but the desire is still there? So does that make it just as wrong?
2007-12-12 03:29:57 · update #1
two choices....don't see him until he leaves her....or be the other woman.
2007-12-12 03:17:57 · answer #1 · answered by My Sharona 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be friends. If he is seeing someone then he is not really interested in you for anything more than a fling. You are 27 and should know this by now. Do not be a part of this drama. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be with HER. You are setting yourself up for heartache and sadness.
It doesn't matter if people say that she cheats, the fact is, they are still together and living under the same roof. Wait until they split to make a move.
2007-12-12 03:17:56 · answer #2 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I say keep talking to him on the phone, but don't limit yorself to just him. Have fun! He has to decide what is best for him - he already knows you are into him so just wait and see. In the meantime, go out and meet other people. Don't fall for his little games either. If he really thought she was cheating, he probably wouldn't have bought a house for them. If you really want to hold out, go ahead, but keep your options open. He may come around, he may not - give it like 3-6 months. If he is still giving you the runaround, I'm sure someone else (a man! lol) in your life will give you some TLC.
2007-12-12 03:21:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun he backs out at the last minute for a reason ... maybe knowing living with her and sneaking around talking to you and trying to see you is wrong ... don't be the reason he breaks it off with her ..if shes not right for him that's the reason he should end it ..he may be a nice guy but would you trust him knowing he would cheat on his gf ...as far as her cheating on him and using him im guessing they are rumors .. which makes them just that rumors unless he knows for fact ...maybe you should consider telling him that you cant continue talking to him than more than just a friend right now until he decides what he wants and goes the right way about it ... good luck.
2007-12-12 03:20:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your place, I'd stop all contact with him b/c..... in many states he is in a "common law marriage." Regardless, he is with someone else. They are living as a family. That makes you the "other woman." Btw, who initiated this reconnection? It wasn't him was it? Let it go. You also said he makes arrangements to see you and then backs out... (as he should as long as they are together). I don't think you are seeing things too clearly in regards to him. He's off limits, Hon.... he's not in the picture! Leave them alone; no more talking on the phone. If you continue this, you are playin' with fire; you're gonna get burned.
2007-12-12 03:26:07 · answer #5 · answered by wildflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To your first question, leave them be.
Because its a small town things might get around that your a boyfriend stealer. If he really wants to be with you than he would follow you. But dont get invovled until you know everything for sure.
To your second question, Of course. Talking to him on the phone isnt a bad thing at all. That is your time to talk and maybe figure out stuff. But dont bring up his girlfriend.
This same thing happened to me. But if he feels obligated to stay with her. Leave them alone. :)
There are more fishys in the sea!
2007-12-12 03:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by betta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. You don't want to be that girlfriend down the road.His relationship with his girlfriend has to end before even considering him as a possibility. You could represent so many things to him like nastalgia and freedom from his relationship. That can cloud true feelings. Sometimes its best to cherish those feelings that we have had for people in the past but to also remember that those feelings are in the past. If you meet up with him again and he is single then perhaps its destiny, but at this point you may be opening yourself up to heartbreak.
2007-12-12 03:22:26 · answer #7 · answered by jc2006 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They way i view it is.........he goes behind her back when he gets tired of you he will make excuses about you love life and do the same to you! He should take care of his like a man first then attempt something with you! I would stay away from it. Remember people always want what they cant have! Walk away while you still can and find a decent guy that has not strings attached!!
2007-12-12 03:19:40 · answer #8 · answered by victor 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it would be wrong on your part to pursue anything with this guy.Whether he still loves or not, it would still be cheating.So, if he cheats on her, its not unlikely that he would do the same to you.He'll end up fixing this worth her and you will end up either getting played or used as a sidekick.Is this worth it? Your respect comes first.Let him break up with her first.The more you talk to him, the more you'll wanna be with him.He wont reject you for fun and sex unless he's gay.He's not obviously. So think of the consequences.Is it worth risking your self respect? Financial reasons wont keep a guy from breaking up with a woman . He still loves her .They are just confused or having rel. problems.
2007-12-12 03:25:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think a man living with a woman for 4 years with chilren involved and telling you he likes you is a good guy??? I guess that's how you would like him to treat you after you two get together, right? You are getting involved in someone elses relationship, is helping him, hurt her and her children really what you want to be doing? To me a man that would do that to someone who's spent 4 years with him is nothing but SCUM, and you are jumping into the SCUM POND!
2007-12-12 03:23:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hun in personal opinion I got to see it to believe it in this one. If he is telling you all this why does he not do it now. It sounds to me like he just wants something on the side. It is not like he is married to her and the children are not his responsibility. He does not have any baggage with this but I understand that it must be hard for him to basically find a place to stay but if he really wants things to get going for the both of you then he needs to do something. Good luck and I hope that this works out for you.
2007-12-12 03:19:05 · answer #11 · answered by bnm0044 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋