You meet a twenty-year-old with two kids. What is your initial reaction?

Question

I was in this situation the other day and was just curious as to how other's would answer it.

You are at a function for moms to get to know each other or another function that would bring mothers together. You meet a twenty-year-old with two kids. They are two-years-old and six-months-old. What is your initial reaction? What are your initial thoughts?

Then, after time, you get to know this mother. You find out that she is married. She is a stay-at-home-mom. She is not on assistance from the government. She isn't assisted other then by her husband with the upbringing of her children. She actually has completed upper-level education. She is a good mother and wife from what you can tell. If at all, how does your opinion change? If you judged her previously does your opinion change?

Thank you for your honesty, thoughts, and opinions when answering question.

brian--Who said she was ever pursuing a career? You can have an education without ever having a career.

I forgot to add that neither of the children were accidents or 'mistakes.' They were both planned. Neither were suprises as far as I know.

The children were and always are very nicely dressed. She was dressed nicely too but you could see the tiredness in her eyes. She was a very friendly person as well as her children. Her son was very loving to all the other children there and gave everyone hugs as well as listened to his mother when she got on to him.

kleighs mommy--I didn't judge her and she was seventeen when she was pregnant with her two-year-old. Thanks for assuming.

kleighs mommy--This was ME many years ago. How can I be jealous of myself?

kleighs mommy...and I was seventeen when the baby was born! Would that honestly change your answer?

Answer 1

My inital reaction was what were you thinking? However it doesn't matter how she raises her kids, the fact that she has an interest in doing it right makes her a great mom in my eyes.

Answer 2

I'm 30 and my best friend is 27. She has 2 daughters - 13yo and a 9yo.The first child is from a rape, the second is from a one-night-boyfriend. So, when I hear a mother at 20 having 2 kids, no matter the ages, I think of my best friend - a great person who understands me better than everyone. We live together (we are both not married - I divorced my husband a few years ago and he left me a girl, now 6yo). We raise the kids together for 4 years already.
Let me explain you what a mother of 2 kids at 20 could be:
The greatest person that has ever happened to enter my life, the one who listens, advises, helps when I need. She snuggles with me to comfort me whenever I feel bad. And so I do all for her. She is the best friend anyone could ever have.

Answer 3

I was that mom years ago and I can tell you that your answers here are all very nice, but I heard all the nasty remarks made behind my back! People say that they think it is ok, but when you see that mom at your kid's open house or school play, I bet you'd make a remark to the mom sitting next to you! I bet if someone made a rude comment to you, you'd go along with it. Who among you would stand up to that person and remind them that we don't know their personal circumstances, and as long as the children are cared for it is none of our business??? Not many.

I am now 36, my oldest is 16 and I still hear it. People come right out and ask me how old I am at school functions, in the grocery store, wherever we go. "You look too young to be her mom" they say. "How old do you think I should be?" I ask. Rarely do they have an answer.

My child is on the honor roll, involved in several activities at school, and is very popular with both students and their parents. This means little to some. Of course, they are the same parents who have kids that come to the prom drunk.

Age has little to do with parenting ability, or class.

Answer 4

My initial reaction would be WOW... someone else who sleeps just as little as I do. Toddler and baby = no personal life. I would probably invite her for playdates so we can have some adult interaction. I know all about the tired look in her eyes. If her children are dressed properly and look healthy I would assume they are cared for. I would assume nothing about how, when or why her children were conceived nor make a judgment on her marital status... I would just ask...not that it matters either way. Sounds like she has her life together. Rare at that age. Good job!!

Answer 5

My first thought honestly, we know she is fertile....which is a good thing right :)

After that I would pass no judgement on her age it would be based on if she seemed to be a good mother, were her intentions in the best interest of her children, and how she treated others.

I dont believe age has anything to do with how great of a parent someone could be, also I still would not pass judgement if she was unmarried and relying on government assistance, if she was using it for good reasons and not just abusing it. Government assistance is there for a reason....you can't judge someone by what they appear to be because you never know the circumstances that landed them in that position.

Answer 6

At first I thought of my youngest sister, since she is also 20 with 2 children. The more I read the difference there are between that woman and my sister.
My sister is irresponsible, dependent on my Mother and she gets government assistance. Our parents worked hard in raising us to get away from all that and to have a successful future. She chose to be stuck where she is at instead of moving forward. She is a High School dropout. She may love her kids, she's just not a very good parent.

Answer 7

I think my first reaction would be wow, she's young to have two children, but everyone younger than me is young. I was married at 18, had my first at 20, my second at 23 and third at 24. I wouldn't immediately think she is on welfare, but my initial thoughts would be on she was dressed and how the children were dressed and cared for. It doesn't matter how old or how young , how wealthy or poor, your children don't have to look sloppy, or have runny noses pouring down their faces.
Even if she wasn't higher educated, it has nothing to do with how she cares for her children. They don't have courses for motherhood.
I think I would judge her by her children- how they look, act, are cared for rather than her age or education. I believe too many people judge others by looks and education rather than what is inside.
Even if she was on assistance, that should have no bearing on her. There are people out there that do not make enough money regardless of education.
I do wonder where this stereotype came from, young mother, children, must be on welfare and uneducated. I beg to differ. I was young, 3 children, a husband who worked his butt off non-stop and was on assistance, it had nothing to do with my intelligence, it was circumstances. I am no longer on assistance. It isn't as easy to get on as you think.
Don't judge a person by age, or color. Look a little deeper. I find myself judging people and I remind myself, that could be me.

Answer 8

NO THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!! In order to be considered a sex offender you have to be over the age of 18 and have sex with a minor, but in most states if you are 18 and your partners age is within 2-3 years of yours it is not considered anything. Do not let him scare you into having an abortion, maybe he is not ready to have another child, which is understandable at his age. If you are ready to have this child and care for it, then it is your decision to make. I am sure you know how hard it is to raise a child. There are many 16 year olds that can be excellent mothers. Do not let others discourage you, but you definetly should talk with your parents or others you are close to. Good luck.

Answer 9

Initially I would think this a girl who made a few mistakes. Maybe the babies have different fathers. I would think she never went to college, uneducated, on government assistance, or lives with her parents. I would think that father(s) aren't around.

To the second part of your question, I obviously misjudged her. My opinions OF HER wouldn't change, because she can still be an amazing person despite all the things I previously thought of her.

Answer 10

I would think nothing of it as I want to have a family and get married by the time I'm 20 So I would think she was married and had education, I try not to judge, I get to know them first and even if she wasn't married and had assistance from the government I wouldn't care as we all make mistakes and I would except her as she is

Answer 11

that you should never judge a book by a cover because you don't know the person and you can't know what kind of person they are by looking at them. you never know what you will find unless you get to know the person first. if I was judgmental and judged people by the way they looked then I wouldn't be married to a wonderful husband and father. most people would think he was just a punk and nothing more because of the way he looked. so I wouldn't judge before hand until after I got to know the person.