We started planning our wedding 17 months in advance. My parents offered us $15000, His parents said "we had already discussed paying for the reheresal dinner and alcohol. I'm confirming that we will pay BUT (there's always a but) we want to know pricing -- no surprises." sounds good right??? WRONG. So we visited the last hall on our list and they were the cheapest we found $16000 just for the reception. so we proposed this to his parents broken down to food costs "X" Beer costs "Y", hall costs "Z" and so on... their beer costs were $2200, and they said "wow thats alot of money for a simple bar service, why dont you do a firehall wedding"
Am i wrong for wanting to flip out because they have an issue with $2200.. HELLO my parents are paying $15000 and thats soposed to be OK???
I have no clue what to do.
P.S. they got married 2 years ago (second marrage) their reception was at a firehall and it only cost them $5000
P.S.S. they already told us the Rehersal dinner is a Pizza Party
2007-12-12 02:33:17 · 13 answers · asked by Tea 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are totally grateful for what they are offering us. any little bit we get is great. and we are already expecting to spend $10,000 ourselves for our wedding. I just dont agree with them saying they will pay for something THEN give me a hard time about how much it is going to cost. I am really pinching pennies with everything we do. i honestly am not planning a big elaborate wedding it is really Basic.
2007-12-12 02:42:40 · update #1
trust me his family has MORE money then my parents know what to do with... but i guess i just wish they would say here is $3000 for your wedding do as you please. like my parents did. i feel like i have to beg and plead to make them happy. i should be bending for what my parents want or dont want.
2007-12-12 02:50:24 · update #2
I would just ask them what they thought was appropriate for a bar bill and tell them you'd appreciate that, and you'll pay the rest for the bill yourself. Tell them you appreciate their concern for your wedding, but you really don't want a firehall wedding, and that if they still would be interested in helping, you'd the thrilled, but that a firehall wedding is not what you're doing.
The pizza party will be a nice and relaxed thing. Don't sweat that. Your guests will actually appreciate it being so informal.
2007-12-12 02:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's something to think about:
A bottom line car costs about $12,000, but will usually last about 10 years. You're going to pay $16,000+ for ONE day? It would be one thing if you could afford it, but obviously, you cant' since you have to ask other people for money to do it. I understand that a wedding is (maybe) a once in a lifetime event, and it's supposed to be beautiful and wonderful, but maybe you should focus on spending the rest of your life together and getting off to a good start than an over sized, overpriced party.
Yes it's wrong to expect your in laws to match your own parent's price. It's not an auction. Traditionally, the parents of the bride are supposed to pay for the wedding, so be grateful they offered anything at all.
My wedding was $800, dress included, at Christmas time, in my parent's home and absolutely perfect. I didn't care about the food, or the decorations. What I cared about was that the most important people in the world to me were there to show their love and support for me and my new husband. Getting upset with someone for not wanting to fork out $15,000 for a wedding is pretty shallow, and selfish. Perhaps it's time to think about what a wedding really means.
If I were you, I'd spend less on the wedding and save some of the $16,000 to pay of the inevitable debt most new couples run into.
2007-12-12 11:35:21 · answer #2 · answered by yummy1400 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you are upset. You need to learn one thing. Not all feel they need to have a wedding in a hall. I would not want a reception in a fire house or pizza for a rehearsal dinner. I would pay for the rehearsal dinner and rest of the reception myself along with the groom. I would tell his parents thanks but, you do not want to settle due to funds you only plan on getting married once and will handle the rehearsal dinner and bar service. Even though your parents are gladly paying the 16000 and feel his parents should do something you really can't force someone to do the right thing.
Just so you know my in laws gave 0 towards are wedding. In addition I paid for mother & sister in laws hotel, hair, car service, rehersal dinner just to keep peace and have things go smooth. My advice is do the same and enjoy the day, in the end you will be glad you did as if they pay they have control and it's better to have control of your own wedding so you do not look back with any regrets.
2007-12-12 10:44:08 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all your husband should be discussing any of these issues with HIS parents not you.
Usually when someone pays for something you just accept the offer. My only suggestion to you is to find out exactly how much his parents are willing to offer. If your parents are giving you $15,000 - you only need to come up with $1,000 to cover the $16,000 right? So see if they will offer the $1,000, but let HIM do the talking - not you. It's his responsibility to discuss money with his parents, not you.
Lesson in life - when anyone offers to help financially find out UP FRONT how much they are willing to offer so you don't run into this problem later on. Many people offer to help pay but that could mean $500 and you have no idea what your budget is because it wasn't laid out on the table.
Your only other option is to find something that you can actually afford that's within the budget you have been given. Find out how much his parents are willing to offer, add that with your parents contributions and keep looking! There are many places much cheaper than $16,000! If you aren't paying anything for this wedding - you can't complain.
Good luck.
2007-12-12 11:46:59 · answer #4 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they said they would like pricing from the beginning, then you shouldn't be surprised that they are not will to just shell out for whatever you want. Everyone isn't in the same financial situation and just because your parents have the money to give doesn't mean they do. Try to compromise with them. Maybe if they understand all the reasons that you want this hall, etc., they will understand the cost more. That doesn't mean they will give you the money but it sounds like your ideas and their ideas are very far apart. Maybe you can bring them together a little.
2007-12-12 10:45:46 · answer #5 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my advice to you is you are going way overboard for a wedding to begin with. If you are going to spend the 15,000.00 on it, my personal opinion is that is just way too steep!!! And, I do indeed think you should be grateful for what they are offering, because most couples who get married don't have parents who can afford to pay for it or even offer them this kind of money. So consider yourself a very lucky individual and be happy for what you have. At 15,000.00 you should be able to have a wedding, go on a honeymoon, and come back with plenty of money to last you for your first few months.
2007-12-12 10:53:19 · answer #6 · answered by Sha-Na-Na 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you pay the difference between what your parents are offering and what it will actually cost?
Personally, I would have wept with joy if someone had offered me such an amount to pay for my wedding. We paid for the whole thing ourselves, and it was over 30K. We also paid for our own rehearsal dinner.
Stop being so ungrateful, they owe you nothing.
2007-12-12 10:37:21 · answer #7 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I can understand exactly what you are feeling, my in-laws are skin-flints as well. If you can get it for $20 they will insist they can get it for $10, it gets old fast, especially when you are not used to that kind of mentality. I am all for saving money, but I think there is a line that exists and on one side it is "smart with money" and the other side is "Cheap". It sounds like your future in-laws reside on the "cheap" side.
What you should do? I have no idea, I let my husband handle his parents and I dont get involved. BUT I do understand how you feel.
2007-12-12 10:53:29 · answer #8 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take whatever they are willing to pay and put it toward the bar service. Don't get all b*tchy because they aren't giving you 'enough'....be grateful that they are giving you anything.
2007-12-12 10:37:08 · answer #9 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Pay the extra expenses yourself. You are getting plenty of money from your parents. If that's not enough, it's up to you to pay.
2007-12-12 10:42:20 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋