We're very serious, so my only option is to find a way get over it. I go to relationship counseling once a month for a variety of reasons, but I need something that I refer to a little more often specific to this topic. Any suggestions?
2007-12-12 01:48:14 · 23 answers · asked by AZES81 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is jealousy. Its the worst thing to have in a relationship. It will be a cancer that eats at you until you realise that there is nothing you can do about her past. What you need to concentrate on is her future. Remember, right now you are creating her history yourself. Its going to be whatever you make it.
I found out that once I got over the jealousy part with my girl, I began to realize that the reason she had a past was that other found her sexually appealing and desirable. I took that as a compliment that others wanted her but she was with me.
2007-12-12 01:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by K B 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you are really serious, you need to get over this, or your relationship won't last. If you are upset by her number of former lovers, or things that she did with them, that is your issues coming out. I would look for a book on jealousy, or on having to have control in relationships. Her past is her business. You have the right to know if she's had any STD's, but that's it. If her values and your values are really very different, it will be (almost) impossible for your relationship to work. But in my honest opinion, if you are having so much trouble in the dating stage that you need counseling, it's not going to work even if you read a million books. I'm sorry. It's very hard when 2 people love each other but can't make a relationship work. It's best that you deal with this now than 10 years and 2 kids later.
2007-12-12 02:01:26 · answer #2 · answered by tawniemarie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a history. Including your girlfriend.
You need to focus on the here and now and where you and she are headed. Be thankful that she is able to be so honest with you, thats a really good thing.
You do sound that you could be jealous that other people have been with her - there is no need, they are not with her now, you are. You seem very insecure about it.
Maybe there are reasons for her having so many sexual partners in the past (ok you havent stated how many exactly) but maybe shes had low self esteem and needed that to make her feel better....this is of course all heresay, I dont know your girlfriend, maybe shes just been out with lots of people or done things you dont find appealing?
Try these links for further info:
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
http://joe.bi.org/jealousy.html
http://www.davidbonham-carter.com/jealousy.html
2007-12-12 02:09:58 · answer #3 · answered by sweetnlow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't about her, it's about you. Why would something she's done in the past bother you? Are you concerned that she's going to repeat the behavior? If so, why? What has she said to you about how she feels about it? Are her actions consistant with her words?
If she says that this is all in the past and will stay there, and all her actions back that up, then why is it a problem for you? You have to decide what you really want and what you really care about. You can't change her history (and neither can she, even if she really wants to). So, do you really want to be with her because of the person she is, or because of the person she would have been if she'd have been "perfect"?
Look within yourself. And ask your counselor for books or such, most of them know of several good references.
2007-12-12 01:56:27 · answer #4 · answered by El Jefe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can you be a little more specific. What exactly is your gf's sexual history and what is the top you want to discuss, and what's the problem? Seems you are so vague that your counselor will keep you coming back forever. Get more specific so you can get the matter solved (and save yourself some money).
2007-12-12 01:52:42 · answer #5 · answered by sophieb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why spend valuable time thinking about the past? Let it go and move forward...in the future, don't talk about this stuff! The past is the past and not relevant to your relationship with a girlfriend.
2007-12-12 01:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by Gin 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Accept her for who she is or move on...
My husband had a number of encounters with numerous partners b/f we met. I can't judge him for that. I can't hold it against him or be jealous. I must accept the past is what it was and move forward. He tho't I'd run off from him when he told me about it. I didn't. I respected his honestly. i told him my history was merely a matter of him and my ex husband... so be it.. that's life..
2007-12-12 01:53:07 · answer #7 · answered by JerZey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what? here's a suggestion.. be a man, and get over it! so what, your girl took it hard-core from like 60 dudes? what's it mean? nothing, she's just a filthy sauce box.. she's letting you plow her at least, right? so... move on, plug away, and just try to remember to forget that you're 1 in one million to hit that! Sweet, sweet rank puduss.
2007-12-12 01:54:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know of any books or things bro; but maybe you could try talking to her openly about it to try and get a better unerstanding of her sexual history. I don't know fi this will help but it may make you feel better about it and you can move forward in your relationship with her. :)
2007-12-12 01:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by adrian b 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For your next relationship, DON'T ASK!!! That is just something that is better to have left alone.
If you can't get over her past, then you won't be in this relationship much longer.
2007-12-12 01:51:14 · answer #10 · answered by Jo 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋