My daughter had three bridesmaids. Her sister is the maid of honor, her cousin (they have been close in the past) and a friend. Anyone that has read my previous posts knows that the groom will be arriving the day of the wedding (USAF). Brides cousin and friend have not been very active in helping with the wedding. Although my daughter pretty much let the girls pick out the dresses they would wear, the cousin ordered it a little small, then had to have it altered. Then we had a seating issue and the cousin wanted to sit in a certain place, now the cousin has informed my daughter she will not be at rehersal because her boyfriend can't get there in time. My daughter is getting a little frustrated, and is worried that the ceremony is going to be chaos. Oh ya, the cousin and friend also arrived 1 1/2 hours late to her bridal shower last weekend, no excuse was given. Is my daughter being oversensitive or should I sit down and talk to the cousin and friend before this gets out of control?
2007-12-12 01:13:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ask your daughter is it ok if you talk to them first. She might be fine with it, but she might think it will cause too much tension! Either way, the cousin and the friend should be told that if they are late for the wedding, they are starting without them, and they can not walk up during the ceremony! Also, the cousin should be told that her BF doesn't need to be at the rehearsal, but she does- it's part of her responsibility as a bridesmaid!
2007-12-12 03:23:58 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette seems to mean very little to people today. It is simply the golden rule in action. Consideration of another person's feelings is not rocket science...especially when it comes to something as important as a good friend's/relatives wedding day.
The Maid of Honor and the Bridesmaids should have been given their marching orders at the get go, so there would be no question about what their duties are. This would give them a chance to say "No thank you." before things get out of hand.
Below is a site of interest to you and yours. Maybe you could print it out and have a meeting with the parties involved.
The Bride is supposed to be the center of attention and the Maids don't seem to (or want to) get that. Good luck!
2007-12-12 01:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by TatersPop 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is absolutely not being over-sensitive. Your daughter only gets married once, and she picked three (only three!) people special to her to be with her on her big day. Not only should they BE there when asked, but they should be going above and beyond, because that's what friends and family do. Not being at the rehersal because her "boyfriend' can't make it is unacceptable- this day isn't about her boyfriend, it's about your daughter! I am in the process of planning my wedding, and my bridesmaids have been ALL over me looking for jobs and things to do to help.
Make sure when you talk to the girls you are gentle but firm. You don't want to upset them and have them pull away even more, but let them know that this means a lot to your daughter, and it's not something to be taken lightly!
2007-12-12 02:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a gentle word might be useful in this case. The cousin should be at the rehearsal ceremony with or without the boyfriend, he's not taking part in the ceremony so he doesn't NEED to be at the rehearsal! As to the seating arrangement, I'd put my foot down and tell the cousin she has to sit with the bridal party which is where she should be. Your daughter has enough pressure without this selfish little madam shouting the odds!
2007-12-12 01:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Tammy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I gasped!
No, I'd say bad bridesmaid. How rude to show up to your friends bridal shower an hour and a half late when your the bridesmaid. How rude!
Not to mention the bridesmaid's "boyfriend" getting there late has nothing to do with her making it to the rehearsal on time! She's in the wedding, not the boyfriend.
I would sit down with the cousin, oh yeah! You should definitely address that!
2007-12-12 01:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
For a wedding, you need a bride, a groom, a withness and an officiant. Everything else is icing on the cake.
Yes, the BM seem unconsiderate and seem to be putting their persona agenda ahead of the bride's. In my opinion, your daughter should concentrate on planning the wedding on her own and don't rely on those flaky bridesmaids anymore. They are adding more stress to an already stressfull situation, If I was you,, I would simply stop trying to please them and accomodate them and plan to do with out them. The least that you need now are BM that are late for the wedding or whipering about their stupid boyfriends. Do not set your heart on them being stellar on their duties, youc an'te xpect that from flaky people. If they show up fine, if they dont, then fine too... your daughter is getting married and that's all that matters...
Good luck
2007-12-12 02:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you think your daughter is being oversensitive by the way you question was written. It sounds like you already know in your head who is in the right but if you need to hear it I will say in my opinion your daughter's cousin is in the wrong. When you take on the responsibility to be in any ones wedding party then your job is to help the bride and always be punctual. My boyfriend is running late is not a excuse for her to run late. She is holding up progress.
2007-12-12 01:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by Shavon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter has enough to worry about right now. I would sit down and talk with them. I had problems with a bridesmaid in my wedding and I made sure to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand. I told her that if she couldn't or didn't want to be a part of this day with me then she needs to resign so that I can find someone who does care. It worked. Not only did she change, but she was the most helpful one in the bunch.
2007-12-12 02:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by wif_a_tude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a small confrontation with a few of my bridesmaids and it made things worse. In retrospect, the issues that I thought were a big deal weren't and our friendship was more important to me than the planning of my bridal shower. What I'm trying to say is make sure that this is handled gently and that the most important thing - the friendships - are maintained.
I suggest that the bride talk to them about how she is being hurt by their actions. No mentioning of bridesmaid duties or responsibilities should enter that conversation - these are her friends, not hired staff.
2007-12-12 01:43:12 · answer #9 · answered by Ray 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should sit down and talk with them. Let them know that this is a really important day for your daughter. They agreed to be in the wedding and part of that commitment is seeing it through to the end, attending the rehearsal and helping out. People turn down being in weddings all the time because of the commitment it takes, but they said yes and it sounds like they need to be reminded for that. It is just a little extra effort on their part to make this day so special and stress-free for your daughter.
2007-12-12 01:18:55 · answer #10 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋