The guy i was seeing for about 4 months is married, and i just found out about a week ago. it turns out his wife and i have the same hair dresser, infact i found out through my hair dresser. i've actually met his wife before, you know passing in and out of the salon and having brief conversations, she seems like a doll and i was going to tell her but it will kill her, he doesnt know that i know he's married, i've kinda just been ignoring his calls, should i let him know that i know he's married. or just continue to ignore him. i know it might be dumb of me to just let him slide. but i dont want to be the one to break up a marraige. i will let someone else do it. i feel like screwing his life up, but if i do that he wont be the only one affected, she will feel it also. so should i just continue to ignore him. or let her know. since we were only seeing each other for such a short time does it even matter? .. im sooo confused i dont know!!
2007-12-11 21:29:13 · 12 answers · asked by Cami♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
to those of you who read my question correctly and answered correctly thank you. but to the rest of you. i DO NOT want him anymore i.e me ignoring his calls. i was saying should i just let it go meaning not even mention it to his wife because we were not seeing each other for long anyway, or just ignore him all together. i do not want this loser, just confused as to how to go about resolving the issue. i am not an idiot who dates married men thats not my character.
2007-12-11 22:27:24 · update #1
I'm of the opinion that all in love and war is fair provided that you're up front. The problem here isn't so much that he's married. It's that he was dishonest and deceptive to you and to his wife. And people who display such characteristics are not to be trusted.
Trust is the underlying principle in any relationship, whether it is a business or an intimate relationship. It's a critical factor.
There are plenty of guys out there. It's not in your best interest to choose the one who is deceptive and dishonest.
Everyone has character flaws, but there are flaws that you shouldn't tolerate. A relationship built on deception and dishonesty cannot stand. It's a waste of time and there will be a lot of heartaches that you'll have to tolerate in being with him. That's a guarantee.
2007-12-11 21:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by darcy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face the issue, get rid of it, and move on. There is certainly someone out there who is just PERFECT for you.
First make SURE that he's really married, i.e. if the hairdresser is telling the truth. THEN when you are sure, find a way to let him know tthat you know, and I suggest completely avoid him.
It is not your job to save his marriage. It is HIS job, and his wife's. Neither is it your responsibility IF it is completely destroyed - UNLESS you choose to continue with your "relationship." It is his responsibility.. and maybe his wife's.
IF you completely back off, he may just stop and pursue someone else. (So it might be a good idea to let his wife know, if she does not already- say, through the hairdresser? BUT fixing him or saving their marriage is not your responsibility, and there is what you call a "conflict of interest" if you even try.)
IF you back off, he might also continue to pursue you. IF he persists, find HELP to keep him away. And do not believe him. He cheats on his wife, he can cheat on you. Remember, such men who cannot (yet) face up to marriage commitments and responsibility for whatever reason, may just be using you (1) to feel the excitement of fooling around, (2) to feed their egos or (3) sexual urges, (4) OR for no reason at all.
It does not matter. Continuing the relationship courts MAJOR DISASTERS for you, most especially, if not for the family that will be destroyed. It doesn't help him either, if that matters at all.
Do not be confused. He is taken. And you have other things to do. ;-) ;-)
2007-12-11 21:49:19 · answer #2 · answered by Gladiator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi just to share to you my experience, i was 19 when i fell inlove with someone whos married and 8 years older than me...I had fun and he made me feel so secure everytime were together but you know what, it kills me everytime hes not around and his with his wife. I let go of him and moved on. Im 22 now, single and im very happy with it. My point is, you shouldnt waste your time with a guy like him because it makes our life more complicated as it is. You should just move on..and let him know that you know the truth BUT never try to see him again, because if you do, you might change your mind and see him again. Another thing is that it is not your job to tell his wife about it, he should be man enough to do that on his own.
2007-12-11 22:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by vampyrejynx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Imagine this
You are married to him. One day, you found him cheating on you from your hair dresser. Not that lovely now, is it?
Mens are not suppose to cheat, if he could cheat on his wife this way, he could very much do the same to you. In fact, he's cheating you right now, as he doesn't tell you about himself being married already.
How can you not feel cheated?
How can you wants a cheating man?
Its up to you to let his wife know about everything or not. But don't mess up your own life by wasting time on this scumbag. He doesn't deserve you, or his wife. The only thing he deserve is being burn in hell.
2007-12-11 21:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by Hornet One 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly, i'm no longer so particular you additionally could make her see something. it variety of feels she is going to could desire to be taught the hard way. So, so unhappy that there is a baby in contact in this. She could get the guy yet then what has she have been given. a guy that should leave his spouse and baby for yet another lady isn't any solid and he will teach that to her sometime. i'm hoping she would be ready to no longer have a baby or toddlers herself whilst he does. She somewhat needs to get out mutually as she would be ready to...there is not any longer something yet greater heartache for her down the line. it is so hard to confirm why she keeps to be and spends a million/2 her time crying whilst she ought to locate a single guy that should like her and have the prefer to make a existence along with her. I had a cousin that spent lots greater years than your pal has in a similiar relationship. She ultimately wised up and ended it yet she ought to by no ability recoup all that wasted time. regrettably, she by no ability married. i'm hoping it would not take your pal as long to confirm this guy is a huge 2 timing jerk.
2016-11-26 00:16:19 · answer #5 · answered by rushford 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a jerk he is! I really would hope if a woman was seeing my husband and found out he was married that she would let me know. What if he finds a new girl and she has some kind of disease and then gives it to his poor wife who has done nothing wrong. Its so sad when people get cheated on and have no idea its going on. I would also tell him off after telling his wife everything, he is skum and doesn't deserve the love of his wife a day longer! Good luck to you.
2007-12-11 21:38:11 · answer #6 · answered by Jenniferann88 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This IS a tough situation.
Firstly, let him know that he's a crappy person for not telling you and that you know. Dont call him. Just send him an e-mail. Then when you get his reply, tell him that if he doesn't leave you alone, you will tell his wife and ruin their marriage. and just get him out of your life. then go to his wife and apologise for what has happened and tell her he doesn't deserve her cause he's an A** who is cheating on his wife.
2007-12-11 21:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by Valia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont answer his calls - he probably has worked out that you know he is married and it will be less painful for you in the long run. As for telling his wife . . maybe she already knows too she just does not need to be confronted with it - good luck
2007-12-11 21:34:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just ignore him. If that would not help, I'd tell him just that I don't want to see him. You don't need to explain him anything.
I know it seems unfair that she does not know, but you should not be the one to tell her. It is not your responsibility. Think about the saying about the shooting the messanger. Maybe your hair dresser could tell her too.
4 months matter, if he is married.
2007-12-11 21:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just tell him what u are saying right now. and let him know maybe he is on his way out of the relationship and found something good in you. there is no good and wrong answer in love, everything counts in love and war.
2007-12-11 21:42:55 · answer #10 · answered by LA SHORTY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋