Ok, I have recently asked alot of questions about problems I am having with my step daughter.And I have gotten some wondeful advice. So thanks to all of you for the advice.But I do have another question. Heres a link to my last question
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqPyJ9Dm2myT_fSan0jaBWPsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071211121631AARwQ2u
Besides everything thats going on, my step daughter trying to pysically harm my son I have done all the advice people have given me. But, my step daughters Mom will not let her call me her step-mom. Ok, everyone has told me to include her and treat her as my own, and I do and always have. But her Mom is telling her different. Her Mom doesnt want her to be close to me, she doesnt want me to include her or treat her as my own, or as family. She convices her that its not right, and she doesnt have a step-mom. I cant talk to her Mom, she's impossible to talk to, all she does is yell and scream, and no matter what shes right. CONTINUED>>>>>
2007-12-11 16:14:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well my step daughter is very direspectful to me, my parents, grandparents, brothers, etc. the whole family. I have 2 handicapped brothers. Her Mom told her to stay away from them because they are retarded and cant talk right. My step daughter is even very disrespectful and cruel to my 80 year old Grandmother. People tell me that its me, Im the one that needs to change, and I need to include her as much as possible. But how is that even possible if her own Mother is telling her different?? I have done evrything possible. But its not me, its her Mom and Dad. She had started calling me Mom, and her Mom lit into her and told her to never do it again. Well, I can understad that her Mom doesnt want to fell replaced, which is not the case, but she should be happy I would treat her daughter that way. So what am I supposed to do now?? To all you people who tell me to include her more and treat her as my own, if I do its almost like it gets worse because her Mother tells her its wrong.
2007-12-11 16:20:03 · update #1
So what now??
2007-12-11 16:20:14 · update #2
My husband works, and doesnt do anything about it. No matter what I do, it doesnt work, as far as disapline, trust me, Ive tried everything, and he wont disapline.he lets her get her way
2007-12-11 16:21:26 · update #3
Oh, I wont let her harm him, thats why I refuse to watch her now if hes not home. I will not take any chances.
2007-12-11 16:23:09 · update #4
Sorry about it being so long, but Im in desperate need of help.
2007-12-11 16:31:15 · update #5
That is a lot of information to read and take in! I read Loraine's answer from the other post, and I have to agree with you! My husband and I have discussed this many times since getting pregnant, once the baby is born he or she becomes #1 in both of our lives. No matter what! That's the way it should be, because like you pointed out, that baby needs you. He can't defend or protect himself. That being said, you have to put your foot down. Tell your husband that you absolutely do NOT want her at your house unless she can behave and be nice. It is natural to take care of your own and worry about your own children first. I cannot blame you at all. If your husband doesn't like it, then that's just too damn bad. He should be worried about the safety of the baby as well. Honestly, I think it's more the other mother's fault then the girl's though. I believe she is being "brainwashed". Her mother has her thinking that both you and the baby are terrible, terrible people. I don't think your stepdaughter is jealous about the new baby, I think her mother is. Your stepdaughter is NOT going to stop acting like this unless her mother stops feeding this garbage into her brain. Her mother should appreciate the fact that you do welcome her daughter with open arms instead of abusing or neglecting her like some stepmothers might.
Honestly, my opinion is this:: Don't worry what your husband will think, your son needs you, so tell your husband you cannot have his daughter at the house because of the way she is acting. Be nice about it, but be firm. He needs to have a nice firm chat with his ex-wife as well, because she is most likely confusing the hell out of his daughter. It even sounds like borderline mental abuse.
Something needs to be done, and you have EVERY right to protect your baby.
Good luck, and I wish you the best!
2007-12-11 16:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Mikey's Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The thing that alarms me the most is that your husband stands by while this happens. If that does not change the situation is doomed. If you are expected to accept your stepdaughter, she must be expected to accept you. She doesn't have to love you. Your husband cannot put her before you and your son and expect it to work.
It is normal for the girl to dislike you, and since her mother obviously hates you, she feels it is loyalty toward her mother. It will get worse.
Bad enough she doesn't respect you at least as an adult. But if it has progressed that she is trying to harm your son, there is only one thing to do: explain it very clearly to your husband (it is by far more his place to discipline HIS child than you) that you cannot continue to abide by this. The situation must change or you will have to leave it. Of course this is exactly what the ex was angling for and he fell right into the trap. The lack of concern for you and your family is a HUGE RED LIGHT!! You have done the right thing by trying to include her (I did that too). But there comes a time when you realize you are the only one playing by the rules. If she cannot respect the sanctity of your home, don't allow her in it until she does.
As far as her mother goes, don't waste your breath. She will always be hateful and resentful. Unfortunately, it is not illegal being a horrible parent or a spiteful (beep).
2007-12-12 14:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by BillyTheKid 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon.. the solution is not to "treat the child as your own"... the solution is for her FATHER to take charge of this matter.. and talk with her first... secondly she needs HELP!!! she is obviously distressed about the presence of this baby and perhaps feels ABANDONED by her father...
it's not about you or the baby, it's about emotional upset she's experienced because of her parents' divorce, her mother's stupid talk about you and her father. The girl is a wreck... plain and simple...
I know that many mothers downtalk their ex's wives in front of the kids.... but i will never understand it... i guess it's all about bitterness.. and your step daughter's mother is one piece of work.. ugh...
please have your husband take her to the doctor or pediatrician.. let him go in and talk to the doctor about her behaviors, and then she should be able to talk with the doctor ALONE after that... the pediatrician will probably make a referral. And for good reason.
Being "nice" to her and treating her like your own is wonderful, but you need to put your foot down too... she needs to know that harming others is not a way to solve her problems or feel more loved or part of your life. and no, don't watch her when her father is not home... she's not your kid...
Her father needs to let her know she's important (her father telling her this would be preferable) and LOVED. He also needs to spend time with her doing things one on one.
Your step daughter's behavior is not unusual for a child who feels abandoned, neglected and left out, and whose mother acts like a toddler.
2007-12-12 02:08:36 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you think her mom is telling her to do these things? I bet her mom tells her she doenst have to listen to you and to be as "active" as she wants. Dont watch her anymore and if it comes down to were you can't say no to watching her put a lock on the door way up high.
Does she act like that when your hubby/her father is home?
2007-12-12 00:49:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your problem seems to be with her mother
have your husband talk to her in a forceful manner
he should tell her that he is her father and if this doesn't stop he'll take some sort of aggresive course not violence, but going to court or some thing that will get her attention
but it comes down to he needs to handle this
2007-12-12 00:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by earthgirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
unless you can get the father (your husband) involved there is no solution to your problem. under no circumstances should you allow your step daughter to harm your son.
2007-12-12 00:21:32 · answer #6 · answered by dulcrayon 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
okay..she is harming your child..where is the husband in all this?? why isn't he putting his foot down..that mess has got to stop!
2007-12-12 00:18:36 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋