Am I a bad girlfriend because of this?

Question

I tend to put my cell on silent because I'm either in class/studying/work. My boyfriend gets angry because I don't pick up and this happens often. Today, we had a major argument because of this phone issue. He always accuses me of being 'bad' and that he does everything 'good' for me (i.e.quiet smoking, went back to school, etc.) He emphasizes a lot on his feelings and how he is the one feeling sad-I make him sad. But the fact that he always blames it on me, that I'm a 'bad girl', makes me cry. I told him this but he denies ever making me sad. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm impatient and inconsiderate sometimes but I always apologize and want the best for him.
What is a good way to deal with this?
When we have an argument, I tend to cry because I'm tired of being called the 'bad' person in the relationship or the 'bad girl'.
What should I do?

Answer 1

Honey I am in this kind of relationship now. My advice to you is to sit down and start talking about your expectations. The reasons why you and him are not happy is because expectations are not met. They probably were'nt even ever discussed right? By setting rules on what should/could be done about the darn phone issue, sex, your insecurities, his expectations can be managed. Dont leave his just because you feel sad cos' its not going to help! Managing expectation is part and parcel of EVERY relationship

Answer 2

Honey I actually think you are doing the right think. Look at how much interest he has on you. If you were calling him a lot and chasing him, do you think he would care so much? On the other hand, I am sensing a little bit of a potential emotional abuser in action here. I think you should stop crying, put some make up on, keep your phone in silent, and tell him next time, very sweetly: "You know honey, if I make you feel so bad when I am focusing on my studies maybe you should find somebody else who doesn't have so much going on in her life and can be your personal phone receptionist 24/7." And you say that and you walk "bye bye"
Oh, and tell us all what happens OK!!?? :) Good luck and read the men love bitches book.

Answer 3

Well first of all, if you are putting your cell on silent only because of class/study/work, then that is perfectly fine. If he has a problem with it then that is kind of his issue. If the above is true, then it sounds like he is trying to be controlling. I am a college student and I know that our professors DO NOT like cell phone calls interrupting the class. Studying is for you. This is your future, so if you need to focus, then he either understands or get over it. Those are his choices, otherwise he can move on. Work, everyone knows that you will lose your job if you answer your cell constantly at work. Maybe that is what he is trying for. I wouldn't allow it. You are right for what you are doing. If you share with him the reasons for it and he still wants to be a jerk and start a fight, perhaps it's time to move on. On the other hand, if you are doing it all the time just to avoid him, then I think the relationship is already over and you need to get the nerve to tell him so. You shouldn't avoid someone you are dating. You should WANT to spend time with them.

Unfortunately, these things you are questioning, are some classic signs for someone that could potentially become abusive. I know it sound like I 'm jumping to it. But it does start very subtly. It starts with making you feel like less, to bring themselves up. Also, it great that he made changes, don't get me wrong, but the changes he made benefit him, not you. Your studying, going to class, and having employment, is what you are doing for you. And it's great that you are. It sounds like he feels like you are better than him, so he has tried some things to make himself feel as good as you. Apparently that hasn't worked, so he is resorting to dragging you down to him. I could go on and on, but I think there is potential for this to become abusive on several levels. Look up things about emotional, physical, and mental abuse. Then watch and see how much he fits into it.

Oh and answer to your question, NO this DOES NOT make you a "BAD GIRLFRIEND".

Answer 4

Don't you understand,he's the bad guy.Okay you may be inconsiderate or impatient and all((not trying to be judgemental)). He's controlling you.He's trying to pull ypu back.If he really loves you,he should understand whats best for you and your relationship with him.I don't think he's the right guy for you.Okay you put your cellphone in silent it's because you are trying to concentrate in class. He sounds like he wanted all of your time.You need time for yourself.Your not bad.Why not break up with him and tell him that he's doing too much and tell him your suffocating because he's too strict.If i were you,i would break the relationship so i can be free of him.Find a guy that's totally understandidng and will respect you.

Answer 5

You're busy with legitimate, real world obligations. He feels like you owe him something because of the changes he's made for you, and apparently they are primarily emotional needs. Just give him a list of times where you're busy and he shouldn't call you. He's being selfish and inconsiderate if he can't accept that people can't be there for him 24 hours a day. Life takes priority. Be accessible to him when you're free if you feel obligated, but he has problems if he's not seeing how infantile his behavior is.

Answer 6

I was in the mans shoe at one time with the calling part. He wants knowledge of your well being. He gets jelous. The one I still love had to leave me alone. You need to do the same. Call it a test of faith. just have everybody and their brother tell him to stop calling you, get over you. another good one is you were my frend. If he loves you, he'll make peace with the knowledge of the truth. Its what you say that matters. Its a risk. but I think its what you need to do.

Answer 7

tell him to bugger off. he is a control freak and wants to change you to fit what he thinks is the perfect girlfriend. and if you change it still wont make a difference because he will always find something to ***** about. get out of this relationship now and find a guy that will let you have some space when you need it.

Answer 8

I think you need to find someone who doesn't make you so sad, and who you don't make so sad.

Wouldn't it be great to be with someone who naturally made you feel happy, and you could make happy without feeling resentful that you're compromising too much?

Answer 9

I would have dump him fast..What a waste of tear.you must be young ,to care for a man that make you believe you are bad for a stupid phone.Any heartacht are good for you in the long term.

Answer 10

one way to compromise is to put the phone on vibrate. but it sounds like he is controlling you and disrespecting you by putting you down all the time, a guy should not make you cry, a good guy that is. Good luck!