What do you do when your child continues to scream at you after you say no?

Question

Whenever I tell my daughter no she just continues to scream at me she wants something so I just stand firm on ignoreing her & let her scream. She thinks she doesn't have to listen to me cause she is a daddys girl. I usually punish her by taking privledges away but no punishments seem to work. Any suggestions? She is 6. Her brother doesn't act this way & he is 9.

Answer 1

Ignore her. Do other stuff.

The screaming will bother you more than it will anyone else. Just go about your business. If there's no reinforcement (positive or negative) there's no reason for the behavior.

I've been there. It's tough. Hang in there, OK?

Answer 2

One of the harder parts of being a parent is thinking of new and creative ways to get your kids to change their behavior. Punishments have to be constantly adjusted as they stop working. There must be consequences to persistent and deliberate bad actions, and those consequences must be ones that the kid really doesn't want to have happen. Physical punishment, like spanking, should be used very rarely if at all; the less it's used, the more effective it is. Most kids learn that one parent is more of a pushover than the other, and try to use it to their advantage - you've got to stand your ground, and you should certainly work with your husband to take care of this. For what it's worth, I found that loss of privileges or future actions wasn't very effective as a punishment. On the other hand, temporary (or sometimes permanent) loss of some valued item usually got the desired result, although sometimes it took a few episodes for them to understand how unpleasant it was going to be. Any punishment should be administered in cold blood and should be preceded by a clear (and limited) warning. The consequences must follow, and must be enforced by both of you, or there's no point to it and you can resign yourselves to raising a spoiled brat and being cursed about by your neighbors, friends and relatives down the road. I used to allow some negotiation at a later date, but not at the moment of punishment - there has to be a real lesson, and that usually takes time to sink in. Just remember - you're the parent, and she's the child. You're in charge. Make sure she learns that as well. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of coercive screaming, personally, and I don't see why you should either - it only lets her feel that she has the power to outlast you or beat you in a contest of wills. Pick your fights, but make sure that you win.

Answer 3

I have seen many parents with children like this. I'll tell you methods I have seen work, you choose the one you are comfortable with:

1.) Grab her arm and march her to the corner. Stand there and watch her until she stops and apologizes.

2.) Tell her if she wants to act like a baby, she will be treated like one. Then do it: example, babies go to bed early, it's bedtime. Babies don't watch TV, no TV.

3.) imitate her. Not yelling at her, just yell, nonesense sounds, flap your arms, whatever she does. When she stops and stares at you, tell her she looks equally ridiculous at her age.

4.) Of course, there are those in the spanking camp

5.) For an appropriate amount of time, whether that's an hour or a day, refuse her anything but necessities. Can I go outside? No. Can I use the phone? No. Can I have candy? No. Explain she will have priviledges when she acts her age.

If she respects her father more, enlist his help. Have him explain, if you don't listen to your mother, you get no sympathy from me. Have him back you up.

Ignoring will only teach there is no consequence to this completely unacceptable behavior. You must do something and ABSOLUTELY don't give in!!!

Good luck.

Answer 4

Don't ignore her. First of all decide on a consequence that you and your husband feel will be acceptable and then sit your daughter down and explain to her that if this behavior continues there will be a definite immediate consequence. Some ideas would be suspending priviledges such as favorite toys, television, video games, outside time or any combination of these. (Something that she really cares about and doesn't want to lose.) Or you could set a rule that if she has these outbursts she will immediately be forced to go to bed for 30 minutes. (Or whatever time you think is acceptable.) If you are consistant and she knows you mean business she'll stop.
But you can't let up. You have to follow through every time the behavior occurs so she'll know that it is NEVER ok to behave that way. (Instead of thinking its occasionally "ok" depending on moms mood.) The consequence has to happen every time she commits the behavior or it won't work.

Hope that helps.

Answer 5

You mention that she is 'daddy's girl', if there is a Dad in the picture, then maybe you could talk with him about helping to manager her behavior.

You also said you took away privileges. For a six year old, the only privilege that I can think of that carries any weight would be no TV. The length of time on a punishment can carry a lot of wieight, especially what you require her to do when she is not watching it.

This is a great time to build a relationship with her, sit down and play a game together. Have her respect you by loving you because you are there spending time with her.

If you want a 'magic' answer on what to do, there is none, its a work in progress behavior modificaiton practice.

Beating her will solve nothing, create more resentment and re-enforce the fact that you are out of control and possibly part of the problem.

Make use of your time with your child in a productive way and ask the 'daddy' to assit in encouraging your child to respect and listen as well as enforce any punishments that are in place.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

It sounds like you're doing pretty well by sticking to your guns.
There are various kinds of discipline you could use without resorting to corporal punishment:
Positive Reinforcement:
This involves giving her something good when she behaves. It doesn't have to be a physical treat; it could be verbal reinforcement like saying "I like the way you said thank you when I gave you a sticker."
Negative Reinforcement:
Taking away a punishment when she behaves. For example you could reduce a child's chore list when he or she exhibits positive behavior.
Positive Punishment:
This is what people typically think of as "punishment." It involves giving your child a negative outcome for their bad behavior. For example, you could give your daughter an extra chore each time she misbehaves.
Negative Punishment:
Taking away a privilege when a child misbehaves. You could not let her have dessert if she misbehaves.

Of course, you'll need to make sure the discipline is age appropriate. For example, chores are good for kids of all ages, but you wouldn't make a 6 year old vacuum the whole house.
If you decide to use treats or money or some other physical reward, don't get too carried away with it. Material rewards lose their effect quickly. You should use both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation with an emphasis on the intrinsic (verbal rewards to make her realize that behaving well is the right thing to do).
Whatever you choose, make sure you follow through with your words. If you are going to revoke a privilege, don't give in later. You may also want to make an arrangement with the father so that you're not playing good cop/bad cop.

Answer 7

Dont just straight out tell her no, kids hate that, When a parent says no it comes off sound like " Im the mom and I say no you have to obey me! " And well yea thats true but even little kids like to feel there alittle individual. Give her a reason why and/or an alternative. If she wants to throw a ball in the house tell her " I dont want you doing that because the ball might break somthing or hit somone, if you want we can go outside and you can throw it out there " (or somthing to that effect) Try to avoid accusing her or making it sound like your blaming her. Sometimes she might not understand why its bad and get frestrated as to why your telling her no.
" No you might break somthing" Sounds alot more harsh then saying "No the ball might break somthing"
Taking away privledges might be working but she doesnt want you to know they are. Instead of showing shes upset with the punishment shell pretend to not care when really she does.
I'd say continue to ignore her when she screams she'll learn eventually that screaming wont sold things. Just try not to show her your upset or that what shes done/said has gotten to you or shell continue to do it because she knows shell get a reaction. When she first starts screaming tell her as calm as you can " When you finish screaming we can talk about it"

Answer 8

If you want your daughter to stop screaming all you need to do is tell your daughter that "I will take the most precious things that you have forever" and if she dont stop you have to really take something away from her. then you have to make her happy by having a nice mother and daughter day or playing with each other then once she gets better you can give her back the precious things u got from her. I used to be like that until when my dad travels around the world. My mother always told me that "im the one who brought you to this world and i had a bad time doing that so should respect too." that all i know

Answer 9

Now this is where a smack on the bottom comes in handy, and it is not classed as beating your child. With some kids taking privledges away doesnt always work so i would give her a smack on the bottom take all her things away and make her go to her room until she can behave herself.

My mum had the same problem with me and that is how she handled it and it worked!! If i have any problems with my son when he gets older and wont listen i will handle it this way.
She needs to know who is boss!

Answer 10

Does she eventually get her way? Then it doesn't work to say no. You must stick to your guns when you say no. Another thing you can do is to tell her ahead of time, when she's not screaming, that there are consequences for throwing a fit. Not only will she not get to do/have what she wants, but she will be isolated (in a safe place, such as her room, or a corner of a room) for a certain amount of time. Another option is to let her know what the rules are in the house about screaming. For example: Darling, we have a rule about screaming. If Mom says no, and you scream, you will not be able to ________(fill in the blank). If she knows the consequences ahead of time, and you actually carry them out when she screams, she'll eventually see the futility of her actions. Stand firm and love her with clear boundaries for her behavior. She's depending upon you. P.S. Do you scream?

Answer 11

Tell her to stop and when she doesn't send her to her room and close the door.If she is going to act like that she shouldn't be allowed to do it around you.Give her some time to chill out and when she quits crying , go get her and explain that her actions were unacceptable and you don't like it when she acts like that. Get down to her eye level when you talk to her and make sure she understands what your saying.
Stand firm and NEVER give in. They never forget when you give in and it only reinforces her bad behavior because she only needs a little glimmer of hope that you will give in to continue asking for what she wants.Good luck ! I have been through this myself and she is now wonderful 14 year old young lady.And when Daddy is home witnessing this behavior let him be the the one to say no.She needs to understand that mommy and daddy are a team and mommy is not the bad guy.I've had to go to my husband plenty of times and tell him[ to this day and she is 14] that it was his turn to discipline, he is a parent also and it is wrong for me to always be the bad guy.