Big wedding vs. small wedding--how do you decide if...?

Question

You want a fairly small wedding but have a HUGE family?

If I invite everyone we'll be in debt for life, but I feel pressured to invite everyone because it's a fairly close-knit family. People who I wouldn't invite to my wedding DO get invited to my sister's baby showers, etc., and all went to my siblings' weddings. (we're talking 2nd cousins...) I want to invite who I want to invite but I don't want to insult anyone. What would you do?

Answer 1

There are all kinds of suggestions for this at The Knot. I wish you luck... My wedding was a lot larger than I had wanted it to be because my mom was really concerned with not offending anyone. But...she paid the bill, so I was more than content to let her invite whoever she wanted.

If you want a small wedding, have a small wedding. Make a list of the people who you know you absolutely want to attend. Then ask your fiancee and all of the parents who they would like to add to the list, and roll with it. Generally speaking, people aren't going to be too offended if they aren't invited as long as their "family equals" aren't invited; if you invite a second cousin, you are more or less obligated to invite their siblings and parents, unless you have an unquestionably strong bond with said cousin.

If it turns out you're saddled with a larger wedding than you want, there are a lot of other concessions you can make to save on cost. You can have an afternoon wedding as opposed to an evening wedding, and save aproximately HALF on the catering (for the same food, no less). You can have your wedding on a week day as opposed to a week end, and save almost half on everything.

The fact remains that it's YOUR DAY. If your family is as close knit as you say, you might have a few catty relatives at the begining, but your immediate family should have your back and be more than willing to explain that it's a very small, intimate wedding.

Answer 2

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Yes, this is a hard decision when you have a big family. Personally, I am a fan of SMALL weddings. I think they are more intimate and fun.

Or...possibly you can have a medium sized wedding? I would NOT invite second cousins. Keep it to family, aunts, uncles, and first cousins only! Or...even cut that down further. It is YOUR wedding. Maybe people will get their feelings hurt, but like you said, you don't want to be in debt forever for one day!

I know others have suggested to have a small immediate family only wedding ceremony and then a larger reception. But, I really don't see how this would save, as the ceremony itself is not the big money killer...it's the reception!

You CAN possibly save on the reception if you were to do something really low-key....like a BBQ or a "potluck" type of thing. Sometimes a potluck can work out especially if you have lots of family as family is always willing to help out! That is an option to think about.

Otherwise, I would definitely go with the SMALL wedding. Good luck with your decision!

Answer 3

I would only do what I could AFFORD to do. It's unreasonable for your family to think you need to throw some huge, lavish affair just so they can attend. Usually if this is a big concern, the PARENTS step up and help pay for the wedding because, let's face it.....this type of thing is usually only important to parents. If you feel you MUST invite your entire family, you only have 2 choices:

1) Have a large wedding but you'll have to do it on the cheap since you don't have much money. So, it might be a big wedding but it might not be everything you ever wanted in terms of all the details.

2) You have a tiny wedding that only involves your immediate family but then you can have a large family bbq after the honeymoon so that the entire family can help celebrate the big event.

Answer 4

You can have a huge wedding at a 'small wedding'-price. A wedding is not just the joining of two people, but their families as well---plus, the more the merrier, plenty of partying and having fun. There are plenty of ways to cut corners and still have a fabulous wedding. Also, if your family is really really close, then ask them to help out--example: ask some aunts to bake some stuff or make some hors de houvres, ask some cousins to help craft centerpieces or favors. The more you involve family, the more sentimental and meaningful your celebration will be--afterall, that's what it's all about.
Well, so that's my answer. Family first, no matter what cost--but less would be nice. If you chose to accommodate your family, I'm sure you guys will make it work.

Answer 5

Well Congratulations =) I am actually going to be a wedding consultant... If I was handling your case I would tell you (with your best interests at heart) that this is YOU and YOUR fiance's special day.. Only invite Immediate family and close friends.. and consider your budget and how many ppl you can AFFORD to have.. Dont worrry about insulting anyone.. Ppl should understand how much work, money, and personal energy goes into getting married. Best of Wishes =)

Answer 6

I had a big wedding not by chose. My pap is the second to oldest of 14 children and my husband's grand paprensh are from larg familys as well.

We had a Polish Webbing. Me and my mother did everything are selfs. We did it all in 3 months.

Put you can try some of the things I did.
Thing me and MY mom did for my Wedding. I ran around $500. for a 350 people wedding.

1. see if your mothers wedding Dress fits you or can be tale-rd for you.
2. Make your own food.
3. get marred in your own church and have your Recession there as well.
4 get the different groups like the men and women's groups in your church to help serve the food.
5. Do Buffy still
6. make your own flower arguments. You can get books and flowers and every thing you need at Walmart.
7. get family members to pay for other thing like pitchers as wedding gifts, playing the organ, DJ and or food (wedding Cake).
8. do the clean up your self as well or get family to help. I got family to help by giving them left over food from the Wedding.
9. go with a them at all most any thing can go with. I did Easter because I get married the week before Easter. I filled Easter eggs with candy as wedding fave-rs.
10 to to Dollar store for Decoration's. I got Rabbit's at a store that was going out of for 10 for a $1. So shoppe around.
11. Don't be to picky about what Dresses your Brits mad-es where.
12 Keep the Wedding party small
13. Do not in site that the Men where tutors, Black jeans white shirt and Black vest look relay cool.

Answer 7

Financial problems are no joke. If you will be in debt that is no way to start a marriage. Put yourself first and do not give in to peer pressure.
Invite only immediate family, close first cousins only NO CHILDREN under 15 or dates for singles, spouses may be included but not if divorced. Those truly close to you should understand. If they won't then they do not care for your welfare at all so why have them there.

Tell both your parents of the financial constraints and if they insist tell them to contribute funds and pay for their guests per head. They won't? that is the end of that then.

Answer 8

I would have a small intimate wedding and a big reception. Everyone would be included in the festivities just not the personal ceremony. No one should get their feelings hurt as they are still invited.

Answer 9

Try a Thursday night. Places that are $120 on a Saturday evening are $65 on a Thursday.

The nicest wedding I was ever to was at a K of C and it wasn't the food or the band (there was none)... it was watching my friend and his wife dance with their daughter who I have known since she was 7. I performed the ceremony as my gift. Her Uncle was with the hall, and it's not the $$ it's the Love that counts.

Answer 10

Have the big blow-out wedding, but within the budget of you and your fiance. It can be done if you are careful. DON'T do anything which puts you into debt over the wedding; that's no way to start a marriage!