One of my husband's friend (who is married and I am friends with his wife) has very open conversations with me. He is always fooling around, and we are never alone, it's always the 4 of us together. My husband says that they are not very religious Muslims so to him, he's not doing anything bad, but I get a little uneasy. I was always brought up in a very conservate Muslim home where the girls and boys don't really mingle.
Is this bad?
2007-12-11 12:21:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Ramadan
This isn't a religious issue, it is a personal issue.
It makes you feel uncomfortable and that isn't very nice for you.
Ask your husband to explain to him that whilst it is OK to talk to other people that way, you would appreciate his not doing it with you. All he has to say is that you don't feel comfortable with being spoken to that way. The religious side of it really doesn't need to be brought up.
In no society is it ok to offend others when we speak and most people ,after initially feeling affronted at being corrected ,will be ok with altering the way that they speak to someone.
2007-12-11 14:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by Christine H 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I don't blame you for feeling uneasy if that's how you were brought up and you and your husband, and his friends, continue to be Muslims. It's very hard to get used to someone practicing the same thing but in a totally different way than the way you were brought up.
Most guys in the States relate to women that way. More often than not, they mean nothing by it. Your husband says they aren't very religious Muslims, but are you two? I would think that if you and your husband are then it would be offensive to him as well that his friends take such liberties.
I wouldn't worry about it.
2007-12-11 12:28:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a good muslim,Alhumdulillah. And you have written that you get little uneasy with the whole thing, so this shows that you better set some limits :)
I agree that he not giving you any haram and even your husband has no problem with it but still, this is not approved in Islam. you have to limit your self by being strict to yourself. If he makes jokes n all, obviously you can't say that you don't like it so what you can do is. don't give a response to it. just smile lightly n sometimes ignore, but no way you should hurt him. But try to develop some limits. and you can tell his wife, who is a good friends of yours that, you are becoming a better muslim and all this is not welcomed in Islam, do not take her husband's name as she may feel bad. so, handle it nicely and easily :)
2007-12-11 20:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your husband needs to understand it is rude to invite a friend to accompany you to your grandparents' home. You were invited, the friend was not. There may not be a way to stop this behavior entirely, but the two of you do need to reach some sort of compromise. It sounds odd to me, almost like he is afraid to be alone with you. It is important that you establish some boundaries. I don't think you are going to like this, but I suggest you both go for a couple sessions of counseling.
2016-05-23 03:33:17 · answer #4 · answered by marget 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's better if you set the limits
he will figure out that you do not accept it even if he meant well because you shouldn't live by his standards and most importantly it is against islam to joke freely with guys and fool around
i still belive what you said that he never meant to show any disrespect, maybe he was brought up this way , he probably treats you as he would treat his sister, but it's your right to be treated the way you were brought up, and it is more comfortable.
i worked with men and i found that being formal helps get the message across that i am a conservative woman esp since the people i worked with were respectable regardless of religion and upbringing. they respected the rules i live by / my customs.
remember that you are doing it for God then for your husband and that will help you feel comfortable esp since you will be yourself again.
2007-12-11 12:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by sweet tooth 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Salaam Alaikum,
If the four of you are at a dinner party then I dont see anything wrong with casual conversation, but this would depend on how long you and your husband have been friends with this other couple. However, If you are not that close to them and one of them seems overly-friendly or makes unwelcome innuendos, they you have every right to take offense and it would be your husbands place to make it right.
Fi Amanillah :)
2007-12-11 16:36:48 · answer #6 · answered by hita_habibti 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't believe its okay. Even if you're not alone, there is no reason for this level of openness with someone who is not mahram. Even if he has the best of intentions, and means nothing by it, it doesn't change the fact that this level of mingling is inappropriate. There is a certain level of formality that is required of BOTH men and women when they are in each other's presence and they are not maharim to each other. The fact that he's is not a very religious peson should not change the fact that you are.
2007-12-11 16:03:02 · answer #7 · answered by momof3 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if he isnt disrespecting you, his wife, or himself. i dont know if/why that would be really bad, but if you feel uncomfortable tell your husband. and your husband will talk to him. joking around isnt bad, its just the way you joke around that could be bad. i basically am around guys 24/7 (school) and i dont see anything wrong with it because i am not alone and i know i am not doing anything wrong, like dirty talking, lol. in reality its not whether you/your husband thinks he's religious or not, its whether Allah thinks so.
Salaam sis
2007-12-11 12:46:31 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Lady 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is okey. Your two families are friends I dont think he means any harm.
2007-12-11 13:32:40 · answer #9 · answered by Islam4Life 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you are uneasy, it's bad...It's that simple
2007-12-11 12:59:21 · answer #10 · answered by :) 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋