parents a little help here??

Question

would u let your 11 year old daughter go out(persay) with a 14 (15 in 3 months) year old
heres the deal:
shes 11, hes 14 (15 in 3months) he lives in another state and she is VERY upset that i made her 'dump' him. i dont care that shes upset i am here to protect her.
she doesnt actually go anywhere with him. she wont actually go out anywhere with a boy untill shes 15 or so and thats only if shes mature enough
sure she considers him her boyfriend but it isnt actually a relationship right??
what would u do??


for the people who are gonna say no dont let her have a boyfriend period, shes gonna have one whether i like it or not and i dont want her to hide it from me

Answer 1

Little girls are maturing much faster today than they did when I was young. Lots of possibilities as to why, but it's happening. So, your little girl wants to go out with a 15 year old.

NO WAY! The best way for a child to be able to make good decisions is to be with kids her own age. The age difference is entirely too much, for a casual friendship.

Having friends online is a little different matter, and the age differences do blur a little bit, here. That being said, I'd buy a keystroke recorder for her online converstations, install it on her computer, and inform her that you have it, and may choose to review her online chats whenever you want to. You may never want to, but just knowing it's there keeps things toned down a little. Keep the computer in the dining room. If it's already in her room, give her a kiss, and move it into the dining room (or wherever you are going to be able to see over her shoulder from time to time).

You are correct, you are there to protect her. Her body will be ready for a lot more than playing "My Pretty Pony" is a short time, if it isn't already. She won't stay a baby. But she is still an inexperienced child, and when it is time for her to start dating, I'd encourage you to have her "hang out" with a group of friends, rather than be alone for most of an evening with one boy.

Try to explain to her why you are concerned, and why you are doing these things. Do listen to her, and modify your parenting of her according to the changing needs of you both. You're doing the right thing, by being the adult. It's great to be friends with your kids. Now may not be the time.

Lots of babies go to high school, with their moms, now. Take a look. You are doing the right thing for your daughter.

Answer 2

Nope, I agree with your decision. What does an almost 15yr boy want with an 11yr girl anyway?
I have an EXTREMELY open relationship with my daughters and it's always been that way. We talk about everything and during these conversations, I am STILL A MOTHER. I'm always asked, "Well how does that work?" Very similar to your situation.
When it comes to talking with my girls, whether it be school, work, boyfriends etc: I listen like a best friend, I bond and relate like a sister, but I give my advice, suggestions and demands like a mother.
At 11, she's not mature enough to have a relationship with a person like that and she'd mostly likely end up getting hurt in the end. There's a big age difference, the kid is a state away. How often do they even see each other? Talk with her about it. Find out a little about this kid, why she considers him her boyfriend. Ask questions.
If she wants to have a boyfriend that's 11yrs, that I wouldn't mind. Same age, about the same maturity level, probably similar interests.
She may be upset and annoyed now, but she'll thank you later on, trust me. I never thought I'd be thanked by my daughters and I am every now and then.
Best Wishes

Answer 3

Honestly, I think the age difference is a little big, despite the state distance. Kids are very different at 11 and 14. And long distance relationships rarely ever work, considering her age and the distance, I don't think its a real relationship. Friends yes, but boyfriend/girlfriend? If she wants to see someone closer to home, I would ask her to see someone closer to her age or in her own grade level. There has to be some reason why she sees something in this 14 year old. Find out why and see if you can talk her into finding someone her own age with the same qualities.

Agreed you're not going to stop her from seeing someone, but at least make sure you're both on the same level, and set some ground rules, age limits, etc. And you know you can still chaperon them on a date, old fashioned I know, but hey...you gotta do what you gotta do. Heck, they aren't even old enough to DRIVE, so if they want to go somewhere...hello chaperon. LOL

I had this sort of thing happen with me when I was around that age. My parents were very cool about it, though I didn't really have that many boyfriends at my age. Whenever I did, they offered to take us to the skating rink or something else like that where they could be close, but not intruding on our space.

Answer 4

like you said they are not going out, I think it is more of a social status thing more then anything. But I think you should stay firm in your decision. I would still let her talk to him, be friends, but she doesn't need a boyfriend at this young age. and it is best that she know you are serious now, even with an Internet, or long distance relationship, if she can get away with this, as an exception to the rule, she will try to find an exception to the rule with a local boy as well. Stand firm, if 15 is the law in your house keep it at 15!!

Answer 5

Umm where did she meet a boy from another state. As long as they dont go anywhere then I dont think it should be a big deal. I would be worried about why a 15 year old wants to go out with an 11 year old.

Answer 6

What would i do? I'd get any 11 year old that considers having a boyfriend to be the most important thing straight to a child psychologist. Not to mention if you live in the U.S. the state vyou live in could press charges against him for that. A person over 13, is not allowed to have sexual contact witha person under thirteen. It works the same as people under 18, sleeping with an adult. Technicallyit is statutory rape on his part.

Answer 7

If he is out of state then she cant get pregnant or have sex I say let her he is only a little older look at the diffrence later when she is 32 and he is 36 then its not a big deal. I say that as long as they are dating and being so far away from each other you should let her if she has that boyfriend she wont have a boyfriend that lives next door that could get her "into trouble"

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I think you did the right thing.

You're right - tweens "date." But there's a big difference between "going out" with another 11 y.o. in her class and being involved with someone three or four years older.

Three or four years is a HUGE age gap when you're that young. The hurt and confusion she's feeling may be legitimate - I'm sure she thinks she's ready. But I think you need to stand your ground. Otherwise, she'll be pushed into things she's not ready for, well before she's able to make intelligent decisions for herself.

Answer 10

let her have a friendship with him, as he lives in another state they can't get together and do anything can they, keep an eye on what the talk about. talk to her girl to girl and explain that you love her and you are trying to protect her, tell her you think she is too young to have a boyfriend, and you will allow her to have one when her behaviour proves to you that she is mature enough.

she's gonna find a way to contact him anyway cause as we all know "parents don't know how it feels" all kids think this, it dosn't occur to them that we were there age once. it's better if it is done with you knowing what is going on.