How do I deal with this problem.?

Question

My mother has never been a mother to try to keep her children in harmony, she shows favorites with one of her daughter that has always been with her(she never lefted home)that she allows to run her life giving her rights to make a lot of her decisions, then when my mother argues with one sibling she'll involve the others causing conflict, then turns around when everything is fine with the favorite daughter she will talk to her about the others. Yes, its quite messy, I am glad I was able to move far away from them to help me see, and learn how healthy other families lifestyles can be. My family is very unhealthy mentally there is more drama and I can handle it so I have made up my mind to stay away. When I do stay away they start hunting me down wanting to talk to me (WHICH BRINGS ME DOWN)I think my mother is not sane and my sister too b/c she's learned the disfunctional behavior from my mother. I was an emotional and mental mess b/c of our up bringing which was sad. What can I do?

Answer 1

You cannot control other people only yourself. If you don't want these people in your life, tell them that and tell them why. Then don't communicate with them.

And btw, your family sounds perfectly normal. Sorry, they are all like that.

Answer 2

I am 60. Answers has helped me with answers and from being able to communicate with others.

This is another similarity to my family because there is a history of mental illness in my father's family. My father was distant, unloving and critical (like I have been). My mother did not like to talk about emotions, thoughts or conflicts. My father showed favoritism to my brother. Without going into more details I can tell you that your situation and mine are very similar. I've been going to a therapist for about 3 months now and I can tell you what he has been doing to help me. First, he, like most therapists, are from the Freudian school of psychology (I was a psych major). This assumes that most conflicts result from a son-mother realtionship and the father-daughter relationship. I notice that you did not mention your father yet I see a very strong problem that you may unconsciously have with your father which may be causing some of your problems. Is it possible that you blame your father for not protecting you from your mother and have unconscious, unresolved anger towards your father? If you think this is possible, my doctor suggests that you write your father the longest letter you can about what you may blame him for and what you thank him for. Then, throw it away. The best way for you do something about your problem is to recognize all the possible psychological issues involved, then think through them and then try to overcome them rationally, like it seems that you're currently doing. This is the kind of thing that a psychologist could do for you IF you can find a good one. There is one warning and that is not to communicate any of your anger to your father without considering how it could negatively effect his life and your relationship with him. If you become very angry with him, and you probably will, you've got to ride it out within your head or through talking to a therapist, not your family or anyone who might say something to your father. Write again if you would like.

Answer 3

Well you probably did the most fundamental thing you could do, & that was to distance yourself from an unhealthy situation.

So now to move ahead I hope you will put the past in the past.
If you think about it, you will soon discover that you will never gain any peace of mind by reviewing every little thing that your family did wrong in your presence.

Live in the present, & take full responsibilty for your life.

Answer 4

I can relate. My mom does the same thing to my siblings and I. She makes up stories to turn us against each other. It used to work, but now when she says crazy crap like that we call each other and verify that she is making things up again.

I decided to stay away from my mom. Have you ever heard the phrase "toxic person"? It sounds like that is what your mom is to you. Being around her and dealing with her emotional abuse is toxic to you, so the best thing you can do is stay away from her. I eventually gave my mom an ultimatum after I moved away that was basically "I'm willing to talk to you and have a relationship with you when you choose to act like an adult, until then, leave me alone". I haven't heard from her since, but I'm happy to not have to deal with her drama and insults.

Remember, you didn't do anything to warrant the way she is acting, so if staying away from her is the best thing for you, then thats what you have to do no matter what other people tell you.

Answer 5

properly i think of as we grow to be adults we predict of that we ought to manage our issues on our own with none help. After a mutually as we experience drained. yet of actually starting to be person is while we be taught that we are going to no longer manage all our issues ourselves. there are cases while we want ot consult with somebody, and get suggestion. there are cases that we purely want some reassurence that we are doing the final subject. confident there are some issues that we ought to consistently have the capacity to handle on our own and that's an component to maturing.yet we ought to have the capacity to tell the style between if we want help or if we are able to do it via ourselves. this is while we are able to somewhat call ourselves adults.

Answer 6

sounds like you have already done it.
you moved away... now if you don't want to be in the "mix" stop being in it...
if you talk to them and they "start" hang up the phone....

don't talk to them, get all the dope on what they have to say and then complain that you listened to them...

Answer 7

Become the predator and hunt back.