why is it ok to spank your daughter but abuse if you hit your wife?

Question

Do you think that spanking your daughter is okay? My mom remarried when I was 2, and my stepdad would spank me with a belt as punishment..he did that for 10 years. If he had slapped my mom accross the face, or hit me in the face that would have be seen as abuse, but because he hit me on my butt, it was seen in society as harmless punishment.

Why is spanking NOT considered child abuse in America? Are little girls supposed to grow up believing that if they are out of line they deserve to be hit?

Answer 1

OK now the women's movement is going to far. So girls shouldn't be spanked, that's wrong, but with boys it's OK??? Sorry, while I don't agree that a step parent should use spanking with their step kids (step mom or dad), I also don't think it's abuse. So your childhood was wrong, not abusive (as long as you received spankings, not beating)

I have 3 girls, all get spanked, by both myself and my husband (their father). They are very respectful, and know the difference between a spanking from mom and dad, and being hit.

Spanking works, otherwise parents simply wouldn't use it.

Answer 2

Spanking is fine (for children old enough to make choices). My parents spanked me and I'm fine. So is my sister. My aunts & uncles spanked my cousins and they're all fine. My in-laws spanked my husband. He is fine (as are his 5 siblings). That's because they all knew the difference between spanking and beating or abusing. And it was always the last resort after receiving several warnings (or even other punishments first), so we not only knew it was coming, we brought it upon ourselves because we were given the choice to either modify our behavior or earn the spanking. Additionally, we were always comforted a few minutes later and reminded that we were not only loved by our parents, but also expected to follow rules and when we didn't there would be consequence for unacceptable behavior. The older we got the less we got spanked because we learned that "no" meant "no" and that if we chose to be rotten, we got in trouble for it. We weren't (and still arent) afraid of our parents, nor are we violent, fearful, distrusting, socially maladjusted people. We did well in school and have long-lasting friendships and marriages. We landed well paying jobs. We have cohesive, happy, stable families. Spanking worked for my parents and it is working for us. Too many people out there don't know how to discipline their children and are too mushy to be firm. They prefer to be a "friend" to their child and feel all guilty and lose their warm fuzzies when they have to be firm. Don't believe me? Try being a substitute teacher for a while. You'll see just how ineffective the parenting of today is. Just watch Nanny 911 and you'll be surprised how many people come to mind as having the same problems.

Answer 3

That is such a tough question because no matter if you have pros and cons for spanking someone will feel like spanking is okay or not okay. As a parent I want my child to know discipline in case she does something to deserve a scolding. I have spanked my child before just because that was how I was raised and I never cried foul. Now adays everything is so OPEN in becoming negetive. I know many adults who knew that if you got out of line, mom or dad were going to bust your butt. I may have gotten a good few spankings in my day but you didn't hear me telling about it. There is a difference between spanking and beating someone. Even if a child is spanked does that show them that it is okay to be hit.....it shows them that if they throw a temper tantrum or break something that they have to deal with mom or dad's punishment. Many may not agree with spanking their child and may have other methods of doing it there way, it is the parents right in how they want to raise their children.....if abuse if in the mix then of course intervine and put a stop to it. Spanking a child is not the only outlook on hitting. Even if a child is not spanked, doesn't mean they wouldn't hit their sibling because they were mad. Watching cartoons shows hitting or being around other kids in childcare... NO matter how I raise my child, they will show respect and listen to rules. I don't spank unless it is my last resort, normally sitting on their bed or doing chores while I supervise is where it goes for me....taking something they want away as well and having to earn it back. Tough Question....Best Wishes and Happy Hoildays

Answer 4

Children sometimes need something to jar them back into the here-and-now, and some people believe that a smack to the backside is that something.

Now, before everyone gives me a thumbs-down... I am not one of those people.

But like I said, some people believe that a smack to the backside can be that something. Is it abuse? That would be for a court to decide, but were I a judge hearing a case, I would look at how often those smacks occurred, how many there were, if there was lasting damage, and the emotional state of the parent at the time. (I'm assuming here that I'm a judge with superpowers, mind you). Hitting with a belt has been considered abuse since, I'd guess, the early 60's.

As to hitting your wife or husband - that's abusive because a spouse is not yours to discipline, and is an adult with a moral code, defined belief structure, and the ability to decide how to act and to judge the correctness of their actions on their own. If the spouse doesn't like it, they can have an argument, or they can leave that person, but hitting is assault.

To answer the other part of your question – No. Children (little girls or little boys) are not supposed to grow up believing that if they are out of line they deserve to be hit. They should, however, understand that their actions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are negative and unpleasant.

Answer 5

I feel that it's OK to spank your kids if they need to get your attention when they are doing dangerous things, like wanting to play with the electric outlet, you give a spank and tell them never touch it again. Believe me they will remember. Stuff like that. Kids do need to get spank some time or another for they can understand who is boss. A spank is not the same as a beating. Very, very different. If a man beats his wife it is considered abuse. A spank is a spank and a beating is just that , a beating..

Answer 6

In my opinion i think spanking isn't just right , if a child is doing something wrong that the parents doesn't like , i think its always better to sit the child down and talk about the situation ....

spanking is just brutal.....and sometimes doesn't even make the child to listen instead they even became bitter and have hatred towards their own parents .... so i think spanking isn't just a way of solving any thing at all....

I believe that some parents who do that to their own children , i think they were treated the same way maybe when they were young
and so they are doing same with there own children ....it's just insane !

some spanking could be any easy spank then really putting energy in it as you spank , some people are just so evil , that they even beat there wives , children and even friends...

Can you imagine how the world would have been if we all had crazy Brutal dad's( the so called savages ) .... it could have been a bad and bloody world .

I think your step Dad was just a bad man .... why punish you over and over for years, for all his bitterness he's had during his childhood !! that wasn't right .....

its so sad to hear about your story and i guess they are more spanking happening around globally .....

Hope people take this serious as an abuse as well coz its the same way of beating and mistreating s.....

Take care and have a good day !

Answer 7

Getting hit with a belt is not considered spanking. You can spank or lightly smack a child on the hand, enough to shock or surprise them, if they are doing something like playing with an electrical outlet. They aren't old enough to understand the consequences, and I'd rather smack their hand or their butt, then have them learn the "hard" way. But today, there are so many child proofing items, that the light spanking is not really needed. Spanking is supposed to be used as a last resort, or when the child is doing something that can harm him/herself.

Spanking older children just causes the child to fear you. It may stop the undesired behavior short-term, but I won't doubt that the kid would continue to do it the next day, with an "if I don't get caught, I won't get spanked" attitude. Spanking does not work long-term, and that is why it should only be used for short-term purposes. It does not teach someone to obey you.

Answer 8

The point is that parents have authority over their children, but husbands do not have authority over their wives. Would it be acceptable for a husband to ground his wife, put her in a time-out, or forbid her to watch T.V. or use a computer? I think not! I am so sick of anti-spanking fanatics using that arguement, it makes no sense at all. By your logic, all forms of punishment parents use on their children should be illegal, since it would be unacceptable for a husband to use them on his wife.

But spanking a 2-year-old with a belt is definitely child abuse. I also do not think that step-parents should have authority over their step-children.

And why is it supposedly child abuse for little girls to be spanked, but spanking boys is appropriate? You sound sexist to me. And it's really rather anti-feminist- just a modern incarnation of the philosophy that girls are too weak and delicate to withstand corporal punishment, but it is acceptable to use it on boys. That was a common sexist belief in centuries past, now anti-spanking activists are resurrecting it with arguments like yours.

Answer 9

I believe that spanking is a great form of discipline for certain events in life for others it's not so good and there's an age range where it is effective. It should be a parents choice to spank their child and that it shouldn't be against the law. I can say one thing though people are correct in order for it to be effective and for it to work you can't use spankings when you're upset, angry, etc.....
I don't think it is a form of child abuse unless it gets out of hand. I was spanked as a child and it worked well. Of course there are other forms of punishment that work well with each child, you have to remember every child is different just because one punishment works for one child it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work on another. Also, I would never use a belt on my child. It would be with the hand or a wooden spoon that's it.


People who are anti-spanking like to say it causes other things such as lack of self-confidence, the only way to solve problems is with violence, etc........ From what I've seen if a spanking is done properly no child is going to think that and from experience I was never violent with anyone and never thought it was right to use it against anyone because my dad taught me that hitting someone is wrong and he also taught me how to manage my anger.

Self-Confidence is another story in itself and it has nothing to do with spankings even if the anti spanking group sites studies from surverys done by children who were spanked and who have low self-confidence it's a correlational study which means you can't deem causation from it.

The studies more then likely didn't take into account other factors that can lead to low confidence in a child. I can list tons of reason why a child would lack confidence in themselves such as being made fun of in school, being teased, harassed, negative thoughts that are put in their head from those people who are teasing them, etc........ In order for a child to really boost confidence in themselves is to change their thinking.

I keep on seeing answers on here that are quite ridiculous. Well if you spank your child it teaches them that in order to get a point across you have to do it by hitting another person. I find that very ignorant if a parent is doing there job there's not going to be any problem with the child having that issue in fact more then likely you see the children who do hit have never been disciplined in their life. Again in order for any effective punishment from spanking, grounding, timeouts, etc.....Communication is the key in all discipline from spanking, grounding, timeouts, etc..........

Answer 10

A spanking is a simple swat or two on the bottom. There is nothing wrong with that.

Spanking isn't abuse. Spanking doesn't cause any ill psychological or physical effects. ABUSE, on the other hand, does.

If you were more than just spanked, then you were abused. Seek help if you feel that you were actually abused.