Friends say WEIGHT doesn't matter, I think it does though?

Question

I am working on losing a lot of weight (down from 238 to 200, goal is 145-160)

My friends tell me I should be happy and date as I am. I am telling them that I think my options are limited right now and I would like to wait until I am closer to my goal weight.

For some reason they are always disagreeing with me. But they are slim and freak out when they gain 5 lbs.

What is wrong with wanting to look my best so I have more options available? The types of guys that like me now I am generally not interested in (they tend to be older or black guys) no offense, I am also black by the way.

Why is it okay for them to call themselves fat when they gain 5lbs, but tell me I should be happy as I am?

Answer 1

there's nothing wrong with wanting to slim down. it's healthier too. they don't want you to feel that you have to be skinny to date. and you don't. but most guys would rather get to know a girl that they consider attractive which is mostly skinny. it's ironic that the fattest country is the most judgemental.

Answer 2

Hello,
I m going to approach this from a different perspective...
A male perspective.
But also my perspective as that is all I can really do.

I met a girl online, nice person, we talked a lot before we met.
We bonded.
When we met I ignored her weight, despite her being the heaviest girl I have ever been with.
I liked her.
Because of my background and research it started to matter to me at about the 2 months point and the relationship was gone by the 4th month.
It was heart-breaking for both of us.
We are still friends.
But it mattered in the end.

I m a bit of a bio nut and this is the biggest(fattest) we have ever been as a race.
It s not natural and so we must really find some issue with it, if we say it out loud or not.

Aside from all of my opinion above the most recent research is that body fat cells, (especially around the stomach) are releasing hormones that are damaging to us. Badly.

Go and hang about at the postal office in the day time or a place where you see older people
you don t get the overweight ones surviving as long as the slimmer ones and the above science is why.

A final tip is to stay away from sugar, but particularly drinks with High Fructose Corn Syrup in it, this has been proven to be stored directly as fat cells, no ability for it to be wasted.
So if you drink soda and are also wondering why you are putting on a pound a month minimum for the last few years.

This is why. You now know. It s time to change.

A lot of my info comes from a research enthusiast/professional scientist friends, one is a diabetes doctor, who have two tips for their clients:

1. Try to stop gaining weight. No losing it. As a first step.
2. Sugar feeds cancer.

Good luck, because you searched for this page for a reason, now, follow through on it and grab some self respect. Your grand-children will thank you for it.

Take care.

Craig

Answer 3

You should be happy as your are. You need to love yourself before you think about loving another man. If you want to lose weight, then lose it, but lose it for the right reason, not so more guys will like you. Lose it for yourself, more energy, more confident, healthier. Let me tell you I am a 23 year old guy, and while Im not Brad Pitt or anything I think I am attractive.. (although to some I may not be- see my pic)
When looking for a girlfriend I look strictly at their personality, in 50 years from now she will most like not have her "HOT" looks and her personality is what will matter most.

So find a guy who will love you for whats on the inside.. But if you want to lose weight, its healthier for you and good luck.

Just don't lose weight to find a different type of guy.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

They are your friends and want you to be happy and probably believe that. Btw I am totally into this question because I am also trying to lose more weight. I weigh 200 too. No matter what people say weight DOES play a role. If you are totally awesome though and very outgoing you can get a BF at whatever weight. When I lost weight before I got down to 170 and guys started to hit on me. Someone asked me out at my current weight but I understand what you mean by wanting more options. Good luck. Start enjoying yourself now though.

Answer 5

The fact is, if it matters to you (and you have affirmed that it does) then it most assuredly matters. They are right in that they suggest that you date in the meantime while working to achieve your target weight because it will hone your skills at interpersonal communication. (No one should live in isolation because they're not where they want to be physically yet...we're all works in progress). The disparity between their reactions to your weight as opposed to their weight is understandable...it's easier to be supportive of someone else and coach them through such a dilemma than to deal with that dilemma themselves. So, I wouldn't attribute any malevolence or hypocrisy to their actions in that regard; they are trying to be good friends.
You should also know that for every guy who finds weight off-putting there is another for whom weight is not an issue; accepting that fact and accepting yourself may make reaching your target weight an easier task because you'll attempt it from as mentally healthy a vantage point as is possible. Good luck as you undertake this endeavor, and Happy Holidays.
(By the way, if I should happen to encounter any other black guys I'll warn them to steer clear of you.)

Answer 6

Go ahead and lose weight. You'll have a higher self-esteem and a healthier body. Your friends are either just being nice, or they don't want you to look good so they can feel better about themselves when standing next to you. Do what makes you happy.

Answer 7

because they either want the attention all to themselves and they want to defer you away from your goal. OR. They are telling you to be happy with what you have at the moment, because it is ALL the same no matter what weight you are.
It really doesnt matter.
Your confidence should exude more than your physical appearance anyways!

Answer 8

they are just trying to make you feel better. white lies its mandatory when your a friend. lose the weight its healthier. good luck :)