Sister in Law Nightmare?

Question

Today is one of those days that I wish I could have a “pass” and skip it. I’m not feeling well. I feel like crying every 5 seconds. IT SUCKS!!!
I think it’s because of what I heard yesterday from my husband. I discovered that our niece called me STUPID. It made me very sad and upset. It’s not just the fact that she called me that, but how I came to find out and how my husband reacted to it.
It’s known that his sister hates me and has done everything to jeopardize our relationship. I’m not asking him to hate her and not talk to her forever, but I do wish to SEE that he’s upset with the situation or even pissed off at her. Every time I hear something about this situation I always wish it was presented to me differently.
I wish he would come up to me and say “ I’m so mad at …..You are not going to believe what she has done this time….. I called and our niece told me “My aunt is Stupid”. I told her not to say that and once my mother picked up the phone I was outraged. I told her that this has gone long enough and that I was going to speak to my sister. I then called her and let her have a piece of my mind”
I don’t know. Something like that. Do you know what I mean? But instead, I found out by accident and all I got was. Our niece said something very stupid and I told her that it was wrong. So I asked him, what did your mom say, and he said, “ all she said was that our niece grabbed the phone from her purse.” So I asked, Did she hear what our niece said? The response ; my mother pretended that she didn’t hear anything.
I don’t know. I’m so tired of this. I don’t know what else to say.
I feel like crap, I’m scared and disappointed.
What is going to happen when we have kids? I already don’t have a relationship with his family how is it going to be then? Is he still not going to take my side?
I love my husband and do want to be with him forever, I just wish that we could come to an agreement on this….
What do you think?

Just to make things clear. I'm not upset with my niece. I'm upset because it has gone so far that even a child is being affected by it. I would never blame my niece, she's a child. His sister is the problem.

Answer 1

I think you have every right to be upset and hurt. Your husband can't make his family be civil or make them quit being ugly but he can and should stand up for you. By disrespecting you, they are disrespecting him. Your husband should have your back above anyone else and you should be able to know he is always in your corner.

Also, don't always look to your husband to take care of the issue. Don't be afraid to handle each issue as it comes up. Be an adult, don't loose it but don't let it slide either. If someone says something or does something to you directly, don't be afraid to let them know that it is inappropriate or you don't appreciate it.

Answer 2

Oh my god! We could chat all night about this one. I am reading me in your letter. Execpt my nieces are to young to get mouthy. I feel the same way about having kids. They would sit there and pick apart the way I hold the baby, burp the baby, teach..everything would be my fault. My mother in-law has called me "Stubborn" in front of my parents, co-workers etc. She is no better then the sister in-law. I have tried to be nice, I have tried to ignore, and nothing works. I would just like to plow her in the face. My husband on the other hand, insists that I "look into things to deeply", "that's just the way my sister is deal with it...I have"..he says. He said his mother and sister have treated all his past girlfriends the same way. Why should I be any different. He just does not want to get involved. Which is really really sad. Every part of our marriage is great except his family part. I can forward you some of the emails she has sent me. You will not believe your eyes. I keep everything, just in case she tries anything. I can't wait to hear from you!

Answer 3

What's going to happen is when you have a dhild together she is going to continue to do the same thing and probably in front of your child. I had some issues with my sister in law my husband always made up excuses for me not to call and speak to her. So what I did the next time I heard something was confront her on it you don't have to fight just let her and his mom know that you are aware of what's goes on and it stops now or when you do have a child he or she won't be coming over there to have these types of things being told to your child. If that doesn't work give me the number i'll call the ***** for you

Answer 4

You did not do your homework on the family you were marrying into. If you knew she was disrespectful like that, why did you tie the knot? It's okay to not get along the best with extended family, but if your relations with the immediate family or anyone he is real close to is not GOOD...it will cause marital tension. This is why you date and make sure in the time before you are engaged you have spent time around each other's important family members and gotten any kinks exposed and resolved.

You had to think of what it was going to be like when kids come along before getting married.

At this point i would have a serious sit down talk with him and let him know anyone that disrespects you, family, friend, or foe, is NOT going to get to be around your children, because they would not be here without you. So if he doesn't put his family in their place, your christmas and holidays will be spent with YOUR family, including your children, and you will see him when he gets back!

Or you could alternate who takes the kids to their side offamily on holidays, and just don't go, use the time to spoil yourself.

It will have to be like that cause you married him and therefore married his family and you can't stand them...did you guys do premarital counseling? If not go get counseling. Your husband needs to learn God says his wife comes first. Not his mother, his wife.

Answer 5

Chances are you already knew his family was dysfunctional, but yet you chose to marry him.
And marriage didn't make the problems go away, did it?

Your best option is to keep your distance from his family.
Don't go to his family functions.
Don't worry what his sister and niece have to say about you. Let them make fools of themselves.

If your husband hasn't stuck up for you by now, he never will. However, I'm sure if the insults were regarding him he'd be as pissed off as a wet cat.

This is my other reason not to get married........IN LAW hell.

Answer 6

I think you are over reacting. Don't get mad at me, you asked what I thought.

You cannot control anyone else but yourself. Maybe your husband doesn't see this as worth getting into a family drama for, and he would be right. You know if someone was mugging you, I would expect him to defend you, but a child saying something hurtful and inappropriate is a matter of course with kids and you are allowing this to manipulate your emotions. Its just not worth your time.

Children say horrible things, because they are children and their impulse control sucks and the lack of real understanding of the consequences of their actions and behaviors isn't always known. So what's your excuse?

Answer 7

What a mess. You need to rise above them. You need to find your own place of peace. Hopefully you dont have to spend many days with your sister in law. When you are with her just be gracious and warm and talk about fluffy things that are meaningless. Never get into it with her. Soon that side of the family will see that you are above it all . But you wont care since you will have your own life. I do think its wise as you mentioned to reflect on what it would be like if you two have children of your own . You should have a huge understanding about extended family interaction if you do. In other words would you want your children to spend time with them? If not probably dont have any

Answer 8

Chances are you are less upset by the behavior of the sister in law and neice than the lack luster response of the spouse.
I have never done anything wrong to my could be in laws yet they despise me. I at this point could care less. But what would be nice would be for my fiance to say ENOUGH treat her with respect. I'm floating in the same boat as you sister. He is and will stay no more than my fiance until we figure this one out and I thank God daily we have no children together. Sadly enough it is the man's lack of balls that attracts us to them yet we yern for them to have them when it comes to his family. LOL

Answer 9

i agree with been there done that... and i know how you feel im 29 weeks pregnant and my sister in law is said she'll call dcfs on me when the baby is born.. and if u dont have a relationship with his family dont be sad if u have kids maybe its for the best. and your DH needs to get some balls and stand up to his family!