I need help with my father, what can i do to help him?

Question

My father has been depressed or something for the past 3 years and it hasnt got any better. It all started when him and my stepmother spilt up(he believes she cheated on him.) He ended up shutting my grandparents out of his life as well as his brothers. He has cut all of his friends of out his life too. He has been in serious relationships, but all of them end the same way he is convinced that they are cheating on him. And honestly i dont think thats the case. He believes that they are just using him and the men that they are cheating on him with drive by and i know of one instance he swore they got into his truck. He is convinced people at work are out to get him and trying to get him fired. He also thinks that he has splinters in his hands, (he has thought this for 3 years) he has scabs from trying to get them out. My sister went over to his house the other night and he was in shorts and no shirt and he had scabs all over and told her that they had got into his bloodstream.

i have tried to get him to go to a therapist and he has saw one in the past, but she just agreed with him and said he was right about everything. I want him to see someone new and he wont. I dont want to have him hospitalized and i dont think i can until he threatens his life or someone elses. I just need to know what is wrong with him and what i can do as his daughter.

I have tried calling his counselor(she will not return my phone calls) and i have called our state mental help office. I can not force him in a hospital because of state law. I was just hoping someone would have another idea to help. He doesnt think he has a problem.

I am 26 and live four hours away from him. He is 52 and i cant do anything. No one will help me.

I have told him i love him everyday. I have talked to him about stuff, its always the same stories from him. He wont get help because he thinks he doesnt have a problem.

Answer 1

Please read "I am not sick I don't need help" by Xavier Amador .
It is a fantastic book for families of mentall ill people. It explains the best way to talk to your ill family member so that they will agree to get help.
Other then that, you are right, there is not much you can do unless he threatens to hurt himself or others.
Many health professionals will tell families of patients needed immediate treatment (like your dad) to call police and lie that he has threatened to hurt you or kill himself. That way the police will have to take him to the hospital and he will be on a 72 hour hold.
I have done this and it is very hard but unfortonetly in the United States, that is one of the only ways to get someone help.

Answer 2

I'm sorry. You are right to be concerned. I think you can start with his regular doctor--he can use some physical care for the scabbing and if the doctor will listen to how they came to be there, hopefully he will refer your father as appropriate for some help.
He sounds paranoid, but the root problem could be depression. It just cannot be properly diagnosed without doing a proper eval on the patient. If you can talk to your father's doc IN ADVANCE of his going and outline your concerns, that would be ideal.
With him so isolated and spiraling down with limited social support this will only get worse.
If he's resistant to seeing the doc, see if your sister and anyone else who still is close will try to help convince him. Pastor? Friend? Someone? I hope he's not pretty much isolated himself.
If worse comes to worse, perhaps a "welfare check" call to the police is in order. You'd want to make that pretty much a last resort as he's likely to resent the hell out of that AND you never know who will do what when called out.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

All therapists are not created equal. As with anything, there are good ones and bad ones. I highly recommend four things:

1. Continue to be supportive.

2. Look up information on depression online. You can google it and there are literally dozens of websites with tons of information. Take what you think is best and most useful and email or mail it to him. Keep trying to get him educated on his problem, and he will be more likely to respond to the next two steps.

3. Get him back in to a therapist. Keep trying till you find one that works for him. Different therapists have different styles and specializations, and different depressed people have different types of styles and depressions. What is more, he may need something bigger than a therapist, like a psychologist or psychiatrist. It may be more than depression that is hurting him.

4. Get him in to see a regular doctor, too. They may be able to make a good recommendation for him on the above, and can even help him get some medication. Many kinds of depression are treatable by meds.

All that said, remember this: only HE can ultimately fix his problem. He has to decide he wants to do it. Your encouragement and information will help him make this choice, but you can't do it all for him. You may want to help, and that is good. He needs your support. BUT- you are NOT responsible for him. Don't take on too much of a burden on this or you will drag yourself down, too. That will not help him. Make sure you get the support you need, too!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I hate to tell you this, but it seems like this is an extreme case. I would suggest that you find some way from his to get mental help. Ya, thinking your girl is going to cheat on your is at least reasonable, and even shutting people out of you're life at least makes some what sense. The splinter thing, that seems serious. Now I'm not psychiatrist, but he obviously needs help.

Answer 5

I am so sorry. Your father should know how much you really love him, you must tell him all the time. It is sad what some people can do to others. Your dad loved that woman so much. You know something though, they usually are cheating. I know from experience. I also feel your daddy's pain and hope to God for y'all that a good woman will appear for him. He deserves it. He may have sores on his body because of his nerves, he picks a lot, do make sure that it doesn't get infected. Your dad is depressed and needs to constantly know how much you love him and need him. If it weren't for my little niece, I think, well, God bless all...

Answer 6

Call a hospital or mental health line at a hospital. Tell them what is going on. They can advise you in how best to help him. They may suggest an intervention. That's what they did with my 86 year old grandmother when she didn't want to go to a retirement community. She loved it once she got there and introduced us to everyone within a week. I'm not saying your dad is ready for this, but he does need help and there are community health dept. you can ask if money is a problem. Please try this. He does need your help and I know your desperate to help him. I'll pray for you.

Answer 7

Hmmm i think he may be beyond mild depression hes more at the clinical state he may even be a "functional" schizophrenic Hes exhibiting paranoia and self destructive behavior [picking at splinters and saying the scabs have gotten into his bloodstream.] He may harbor deep resentment at himself and his self worth as a man and human being since he feels as if he was inadequate to keep your step mom and ultimately lost her to another man. We all have valleys in our lives but sounds like your dad is about ready to fall in the abyss!! Get him professional help ASAP!!

Answer 8

The best thing that you can do for him is to get him to see a therapist. If someone helps him root out the issues that are really bothering him, like whatever it is that makes him suspicious etc., it will probably make him feel alot better. His medical insurance should cover most of the expense for that as well.

Answer 9

MAn thats something, hon you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel you are his daughter and it kills you to see him like that. The bes thing you can do its try to get him some help with a doctor or something because the more the yeras past the older he gets and is hard to convience them on whats really not going on that he think it is. Good luck

Answer 10

It sounds like your father is suffering from paranoid delusions, My advice would be to get him into a psychiatric hospital and to get him on some medication. He will only get worse if you don't get him some help.


im not trying to be rude or anything but there is a new movie out called BUG about a mentally ill guy who thinks that bugs are living in his bloodstream. your explanation reminded me of it. again im not trying to be rude.