4 months from wedding, Non Pregnant bridesmaid backs out of wedding over Maternity dress...?

Question

I'm getting married April 12, 2008, almost exactly 4 months from now. I have 2 adult bridesmaids and two Jr. bridesmaids.

One of my bridesmaids is trying to get pregnant. My agreement with my girls is that they all choose a dress in Peri from David's bridal. I don't care what style..No special accessories or anything...Just a Peri David's Bridal dress and silver or clear shoes.

My bridesmaid doesn't want to order a dress until February, to see if she is pregnant by then. David's doesn't make a maternity gown in Peri. February. is going to be too late, since it takes 6 weeks to ship the gown, leaving NO time for alterations.

I've already suggested ordering a dress a size or two larger. She says that would be too expensive to alter.

Her solution? I'm supposed to let her have her husband sew her a maternity gown. We're having this whole issue, and she is NOT EVEN PREGNANT.

She is now dropping out of the wedding.
What would you do, if this happened to you??

She has 4 kids already, so clearly the woman is fertile...but they've been trying to have kids for 2 months, no baby yet. She is very petite, and she claims that she was in maternity clothes very early with her last child.

I do want her in my wedding...but it is 4 months away...it is time to get the dresses ordered! If I have her wait until January or February, we'll be lucky if she has a dress at all.

I'm tempted to take some of your suggestions, and just let her drop out...but she is my friend, and she is important to me...I'm torn and frustrated...and angry that she is making this more complicated than it needs to be. I don't need this added stress.

Answer 1

It would be impossible to accommodate someone on the possibility that she may become pregnant! Seriously, at this point, she would hardly be showing by April. If she wants to drop out of the wedding, then I would let her, unless this is seriously going to mess up your wedding party.

Answer 2

Tell the bride what's up. If you got pregnant today, you'd only be 5.5 months or so along by the time the wedding comes. You'll still be able to travel (just not drink). She can pick a dress with a maternity option. You can also tell her you understand if she doesn't want to count on you (you might have pregnancy issues... but everyone can have issues that cause them to miss weddings). She also might be dead set on a bridesmaid's dress that won't work. I'm not in a friend's wedding (still a year+ away) because I will probably be preggers or with a little one at that point and it's just too much trouble to try to plan. I'll come and be in the "audience". She said I'm still invited to all the bridal party stuff, but I don't have to buy a dress. Catherine

Answer 3

Coming from the perspective of someone who just had a second child, someone can start showing very early, particularly if it is not their first. I started showing at about 10 weeks. So don't assume that she won't be showing by April, if she gets pregnant in February. You were right to recommend that she merely purchase a larger size just in case. If her husband can sew a dress, than he should be capable of altering a dress - which would be free.

It really comes down to compromising, and of course it depends on how much you really want this person to be a part of your wedding. Perhaps you could offer to chip in for the alterations on a larger size Peri dress, or suggest an inexpensive place to have the alterations done. If none of that works, together you must decide if her dropping out of the wedding is the best thing for both of you and it should be something you both want -- not an ultimatum or a threat.

Answer 4

My cousin is my MOH ~ I am also getting married this April :)

Anyway, two days after I ordered the dresses, she discovered she was pregnant. A long story short ~ the manufacturer was kind enough to let me switch her order to a much larger size ~ and I am going to pay to have the dress altered.

The reason I am paying for the alterations is that I insisted on ordering a much larger dress than she thinks she will need. (Like your friend, she already has 4 kids & although she loses her preg. weight very quickly ~ her belly expands sooooo much w/each preg. However, she is currently in denial about that!)

If your friend has dropped out ~ I would suggest letting her remain out. Either find a replacement or go w/a smaller # of maids. It sounds as if she is creating way too much drama & tension ~ which you certainly don't need.

However, if it is very important to you for her to be in the wedding ~ try offering to pay for the alterations & she agrees to order a dress that is a few sizes too large. This way, she is not out any extra cash & will still be getting a properly sized gown.

Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 5

How much could she possibly be showing by April? I think this is just an excuse for her to drop out of the wedding so let her go. Tell her, look I want a Peri David's bridal dress and that's it, either get one or drop out ,it's your choice. Let her decide what size to get or let her order it at the last possible minute, but make her do all of the work since she's being so nutty about it.

Answer 6

I agree with you, I would be sweating if I didn't have my dresses ordered by now. I am getting married in April as well and Davids bridal told me to order my dresses by Sept. So we did but my girls got there dresses in a few weeks thereafter, suprising! Actually one of my girls was trying to get pregnant and when I asked her she agreed even though she knew she would probably be pregnant. My BM dresses are empire waist and my one BM ordered a dress way too big just for the fact. Well she is indeed pregnant so she will have it altered. It seems to me that your friend it just trying to make excuses to get out of the wedding. If she isn't willing to buy a dress a little larger and then have it altered then what other kind of problems will arise with her. I would just let her out of the wedding party and tell her that you are really disappointed. You have better things to worry about.

Answer 7

If her husband is capable of sewing a maternity gown, then he should be able to alter a dress in.
Are you sure she's a really good friend? She comes across as needing to be the center of attention. Have the other 4 pregnancies coincided with weddings? And even if she is starting to show by the time of the wedding, she can still wear normal close, just in a larger size- she is after all only starting to show!

Answer 8

My sister in law planned ahead and figured she would be 6-8 months pregnant when my wedding rolled around. She wasn't pregnant at all when we ordered the dresses. It was sometime in November when we went shopping. The wedding was the end of July & my nephew was born towards the end of September. We got empire waisted dresses and she ordered it 2 sizes bigger. She turned out to be 7 1/2 months pregnant and it fit her just fine. My girls wore Peri too! Even if she was 4 months pregnant she wouldn't be all that big to fit into a regular dress.

It sounds like she just doesn't want to do it anymore. If she does here are some options from David's that can accomodate a big belly in Peri.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2795&prodgroup=138
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=446&prodgroup=139

Answer 9

This is ridiculous! At 4 months, she would barely be showing, and definitely not showing enough for a maternity dress!

she is probably overreacting because she is stressed about TTC (trying to conceive) and somehow it seems to her that if she buys a non maternity dress it means she won't get pregnant. Who knows.

If you really want her in the wedding, maybe you can wait one month from now to get her dress, and if she's still not preggo then order the dress at that time and even if she does get pregnant she will still fit in the dress at three months pregnant.

Also, many many women LOSE weight during the first three months because they are throwing up so much with morning sickness.

Answer 10

Why don't you suggest that she finds a dress with a tie at the waist. That way she can either tie it tight to fit her present figure or let the tie out a bit to compensate for the bulge. At four months (closer to three months by the time she gets pregnant) even if she does show it won't be as if she is ready to drop.

If she doesn't want to do that explain that the last two weeks of january are the latest she can order so that the dress makes it in time allowing for any mix ups incase something goes wrong with the shipping

Answer 11

if this were me, I would pick another color that did come in maternity styles. having my friends stand up for me on my wedding day was way more important than what color they were wearing. if I had stuck with this color and let her drop out, every time I looked at my pictures I would notice that she wasn't in them, not that my bridesmaids were all wearing a certain color.

what about this dress? it comes in light peri and has an empire waist, so if she's 4 months pregnant, it'll still work. if you're concerned about her being in a different shade and not quite matching, maybe you could get all the 'maids matching shawls or something.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_bycolor_detail.jsp?stid=2795&sid=12900&cfid=38

seriously, what's more important - having your friend stand up there on the big day or what shade of dress she's wearing? there are some materinity dresses from David's that come in Lilac, which while different is very similar. would it be the end of the world to not have her in Peri?