Are there men who honestly don't want children?

Question

I'm only 23 years old, but I have been married before. I got married 10 months ago, and will be officially divorced sometime this week. My ex-husband and I discussed before
hand that we both didn't want kids ever, and that was part of the plan. After only a month and a half of being married... he suddenly changed his mind, and got mad at me for suddenly
not wanting them. I've never been interested in
having children of my own. I've been saying since I was 4 years old that my mom would have "Grand-dogs" and "Grand-horses". I refused to play with dolls as a child. I used to throw fits if someone tried to make me play with one (my dad can back me up on that one).

Men always date me thinking I'll change my mind. It only takes them a couple of weeks to figure out that I'm hardwired this way (then we break up). I've never felt led to the whole family thing.

I find that most men want kids. I think its more-so because they get the woman pregnant, don't have to carry it or give birth to it, still get to have a career, and come home and play with it... then send it back to the mother when they are tired of it.

Are there really men out there who, have a relationship with God, and honestly don't want children?? As in... They don't feel led to have their own kids, and its just not in their heart??

Answer 1

Some people are not meant to have children, as it is not their destiny.
HOWEVER, the typical guy in his early to mid 20s is very likely to change his mind during the time you are dating him. It is not easy for many men to know a difinitive in this respect if they have yet to have children or still feel as though they have their whole lives in front of them.
My bf of three years is one of those kinds of guys that does not want children ever. He loves his nephew and my niece but neither of us want to ever have children an have to raise them; we want to be able to give them back at the end of the day. He knows so definitively that he supported my getting a tubal ligation recently.
They are out there. It is just that sometimes when you love someone, truly love someone, there are compromises involved and you have to be shooting for the same goals. Children is often one of those compromises and goals

Answer 2

Most men who have kids even if they didn't innitially want them love their kids. Children are so innocent they have a way of creeping into hearts.I have witnessed several occassions of men not wanting children or not being ready to have them but once the children arrive everything changes. For some it's instant in some cases it takes awhile .You just have to be patient. There are a few who can't be trusted with kids but they are in the minority so don't let the statistics scare you.For every abusive or unloving man I'm sure there are ten out there who are crazy about children including those that aren't theirs. Hang in there and allow God and the love of those around you to heal you. You'll be surprised how many people care about you once you open up and let people in.

Answer 3

They do exist but they are hard to come by. I have always been one of those that never wanted kids, and while I was able to find men that were *pretty sure* they didn't want kids but I usually found that they wanted the option to change their own minds in the future, and being with a women who was dead-set on never having them closed off that option for them.

You may have better luck with finding an older man who has children from a previous marriage and is not interested in increasing the size of his family. You would be a stepmother, but it's not the same as being their actual mom.

Answer 4

For me, I've always believed that if I ever get a girl (yeah right), then I would let her decide. And I have a relationship with God, so I guess I'm one of them.

But yes, there are many guys out there who have both a relationship with God and who do not want children. I am sure if you just be patient, God will bring you together with someone like that. 23 is still pretty young (but what do I know, I'm only 18 =/)

Answer 5

Girl! I just asked this question not long ago cuz I am the same as you. It sure seems like they are not out there. I run into the same issues, they do think you'll change your mind..and also ppl look at you like a child hater if you say you don't want them. So aggravating. I just wanted to show my support to you! I pray we both(and all other women like us)will come across men of the same mindset.

See what I mean? Ppl are already asking you why you don't want children. Does it matter? It's her decision ppl...that's not the point.

Answer 6

Dear Ashley84,
I looked over all your questions to get some perspective on your history, and your attitudes. You have had a LOT of changes in the last year; engagement, marriage, relocation from your parent's house, househunting in Tampa Bay, new school in your major, health issues with weight and your hypoglycemia, and so on. Your ex's ongoing relationship/friendship with a girl, and his proscription for you to have friendships with males. You wonder whether you are Narcissistic, and whether he was over controlling. Well, perhaps some of both. Whether you are "meant" for marriage remains to be seen; by you alone. Whether you have some as-yet-unfullfilled mission from God, remains to be seen; by you alone. What is clear is that you are still a young woman, growing into your personality, working toward a career and degree, trying to find your place in the world. A lot of introspection is revealed in your questions, and with your intelligence, I have every confidence that you will resolve these matters in time. So give it some time, girl. You are now out of your parents house, not quarrelling with your mom. You are free of your ex, and able to choose for yourself what kind of relationship fits you. Answer THAT FIRST, and then find someone that fits the future you envision for yourself. Most women define themselves by their relationships, men by their careers. You seem to want to do both, but you have neither a relationship nor a career YET. Keep your self-awareness going, and define for yourself the life you want to have; career, education, marriage/not, children/not. You have been, over the last 10 months, by small steps been taking better and better care of YOU. Success in life is only a bit of persistence away. You will know what you want when you have it before you. You will achieve whatever you have prepared for, and you are on the right path now. God bless.

Answer 7

At the age of 23, it is going to be a little more difficult to find someone your own age that really doesn't want children. I would suggest dating someone older...like my ex-husband for example. He is 38, has only one son (ours) who is 16, and never sees him. He would be the perfect man for you. He doesn't want children....not even the one he has, and we were married for 8 years.

Answer 8

I do not want kids at all. If I get into a relationship with a girl it will be for the sheer passion, loving, and fun that we can have together without the burden of extra responsibilities. I agree with you on this, once you have kids, freedom and good times are over. At this stage in my life I am out for a good time and to be free to do what I want in life!

Answer 9

there are men out there just like there are women...most men like the idea of carrying on the family name....my bosses have chosen not to have kids....

Answer 10

men like to carry on their name, their bloodline. I think there are more women who don't want children than men.