Being asked for my number by a married man I met at work - OK, or do I need to avoid it?

Question

The situation is this: I met this person at work. He was there for training purposes from another country. We got comfortable talking, we got along and exchanged email id's when he was to leave. He seems like a decent, nice, good natured person. He is married. I am single. He went back to his country. We have exchanged a few offline messages and a couple emails now and then, but nothing regular. And now, I get an email saying it has been a long time since we spoke and he asked if he can have my phone number.

I am not sure at all, if his wife knows? Should I ask him?

Or is she supposed to know who he calls? Am I that important?

I am feeling a little hesitant about giving him my number, although am quite sure he means it only as a friend. I surely will like to have him as a friend, but I also feel his wife should know. But we aren't even in the same country, leave alone city.

Am I making a big deal of this? Should I just give him my number?

Answer 1

If you have doubts then don't give it to him. If he really is a good person you should be telling him this & how you feel. Maybe his wife does know about you? I would just ask him "Hey does your wife mind you keeping in touch with me? " What do you have to lose?

Answer 2

You didn't mention whether you were in a relationship or not so I'll assume you're not..

I say no.. He's married. There is nothing that can't be discussed online. Emails and chat are fine. At least this way you'll know what his intentions are. If nudie pics or sex talk are introduced, well he wants more than friendship.

There is nothing wrong with being friends. The only problem is, feelings will develop. You are going to share secrets and feelings that he may not express to his wife. The comfort zone between the 2 of you will eventually have no boundries.

I had a few guy friends I thought were friends... I was wrong, they ended wanting more although they told me at first they didn't.

Answer 3

Email is OK, but a bit slow if your not a great typer like me. Think how long it takes to write down how your day went as oposed to just telling someone.

Phoneing someone is cheap and can be an instant pick me up if you feel you want to talk. So give him the number.

One word of warning though. Men are devious and patient, they fish don't they, so remember if you get really involved with this person as a friend and they come on to you, you will feel hurt.
Try asking for his number first, then see the reacion.

Answer 4

Jeez, it's things like these that make guys like me feel awkward asking for stuff...

Why do you have to imagine he's interested in you like that? I mean, I ask my friends for their phone numbers all the time, and no, I'm not married, but what difference does that make? Besides, men only get so far as women let us.

Personally, I think you're getting ahead of things. Stop judging and live a little. A few phone calls won't hurt. If he does go somewhere you feel uncomfortable, then let him know.

Answer 5

Women can be friends with married men. You know if you are a friend and it is nothing more.

If you feel as if you need to clear the air - ask for his address in exchange for your phone number. Then send him AND his wife a Christmas card. That way you are clear that you are his friend and his wife is aware of the friendship.

No address - no phone number.

Answer 6

He may just want to chat as a friend, or network with a former coworker. In which case it doesn't matter if his wife knows or not, because it is no threat to their marriage.

This request does not necessarily have any romantic or sexual intent, especially if he has never hit on you before.

You might want to suggest that you continue emailing instead of calling, since international calls can be very expensive, and you'd hate to have him spend all that money for a *coworker*.

Answer 7

No you are not making a big deal out of this, he is stepping across an improper line by asking for your phone number. I am sure there is a time zone change which would affect the times he is calling you. Stay clear, in my opinion this person wants more than friendship and less than a commitment.

Answer 8

No, you shouldn't give him your number. I don't believe he has any interest in having a conference call with you, he and his wife any time soon. Personally you should drop all communication with this man. I'm sure you can find plenty of interesting friends in your own city and country without having to chat with a married one in another country.

Answer 9

Stuff like this should always be considered on a case-by-case basis.On the one hand,I wanna say "he's married,this can't go anywhere good",but,on the other hand,MY best friend is an attractive female,and we don't communicate any less when one or both of us are in relationships.The important thing is,though,that our' sig. others ALWAYS know,we don't hide a thing.
How about this;tell him your' phone is busted,and it'll be a couple of weeks before you can replace it.In those couple of weeks,ask him about the wife,see what he has to say about her.If he tells you that everything is fine,and that she knows that he talks to people online,then take his word for it(and save the messages,of course).If he starts giving you the "love-less marriage" song-and-dance,well,every girl should know that that's a screw-around's favorite line,complete bs 9 times out of 10.Good luck!

Answer 10

I think you are making a big deal out of this. You said you want to have him as a friend and that you are sure he means it as a friend, so just give him your number. It's his business wether he tells his wife whose phone numbers he has - not yours.