My oldest daughter is going to her father's this year the day after Christmas (she is 20). It is her father and his wife's 10th wedding anniversary this year - and my daughter emailed her grandmother (his mother) to see if she wanted to help her in planning a special dinner or small get together to celebrate. Her grandmother informed her that her father and stepmother had planned a renewal ceremony for the 23rd (three days before my daughter arrives) and a reception afterwards with the family.
My daughter is angry and hurt - not just because it is happening three days before she arrived but because her father never told her about it. She is on the verge of not even going to visit, but doesn't want her sister to have to travel alone (she is 12). Her Grandmother has basically called her terrible because she is angry and upset --- but I think she has a right to be upset because it was rude/mean not to even tell her they were planning it.
2007-12-11 06:06:49 · 37 answers · asked by Susie D 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is not the first time he has excluded the girls from "family" things.
2007-12-11 06:07:54 · update #1
Yeah she does have a right to be upset......she shouldn't even go.
2007-12-11 06:10:11 · answer #1 · answered by cry_wolf 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think she has every right to be upset bless her. There is nothing more hurtful than being excluded like that, especially as she had the goodness of heart to try and offer her help in planning something special. I think her father needs a darned good telling off for this, it was as good as telling them they had no place in his 'new family'. I'm so sorry she has been hurt this way and I can perfectly understand her not wanting to go visit now, but if she goes she will prove she is the better person. However, if I were her I would tell him that she is angry/upset and has only visited to protect her little sister on the journey. I hope the three of you can have a good Christmas despite this.
2007-12-11 06:20:02 · answer #2 · answered by Tammy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mmmm, yes she has a right to be upset, a little, but since it isn't the first time, it would be best just to chalk it up to typical and go have a good visit anyway.
It could be, and since I don't know the family dynamics so this is just a guess - that there is some animosity between the step-mother's family and your own, and so it is not uncommon for one side to do one thing, then either before or after, your side, him with his children, do something else...just to keep the peace.
Here's the thing though, your daughter needs to speak to the father directly, not take information from the grandmother - there could be a valid reason why they weren't invited, quite possibly it was planned by other people, and the date of it was not his choice to make. She needs to find out from him and him only.
2007-12-11 06:14:23 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes your daughter does have the right to be upset.
Shes 20 and its her farther and at that age theres nothing saying she cant go to an after party or whatever.
Its just not right because she is his daughter i can understand the 12 year old being told no but not an adult its like why didn't you even offer for her to go?
But there is the side that it would mean:
A) the extra cost of travel
B) would that mean shed have to stay for the 2 extra days meaning the 12 year old would have to travel alone.
2007-12-11 06:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by FraggedRabbit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course she has the right to be upset. My parents are divoriced too. My mom is engaged and my dad is not dating right now. If my mom or dad did this to me i would be really upset. Her dad should have waited till after her sister and her got there to do it, but what makes matters worse is that he never told her. She has the right to be upset. She is not a terrible person. Right now her father and his wife are the terrible people. I am sorry she had to find out this way and hope her father and her can work this out. Good luck.
2007-12-11 06:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by twilight gymnast 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Certainly she has a right to be upset. She needs to have a private talk with her Father about being left out of family things . What ever could be the reason..It is still not reason. enough.. Sounds as though his second family has taken precedence over his lovely young girls. Maybe it is his present wife.... at any rate he definitely needs to know the amount of hurt he has caused.
2007-12-11 06:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lou A. W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad is just not to be counted on for this type of stuff, isn't that why you divorced him? Why not just kind of accept it and have her not go. Why should she have to chaperone her sister only to suffer the torture of being around a father that treats her like that? Sounds horrible. Let him fly out and chaperone the 12 yr old. Wouldn't your daughter be happier with her mom and loving friends? Life is too short if dad wants a good relationship with her then he needs to step up and make it happen or risk losing her
2007-12-11 06:17:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, she has a reason to be upset. I would encourage her to ring her father and find out why he is excluding her and her sister. The grandmother seems like a stirrer to me, why don't you speak to the grandmother and find out on what grounds is your daughter terrible for being excluded from a significant family event.
2007-12-11 07:28:19 · answer #8 · answered by kittycat123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has every right to be upset. If she doesn't want to go, then she shouldn't. Her grandmother needs to understand where she's coming from. If it'll be a hard, hurtful visit for her, she needs to save herself the stress and just not go. As far as her 12 year old sister, I'd try to explain to her that she can't go. Don't explain details. Tell her something came up and you can't go visit dad this year. She'll understand, if not, she'll get over it.
2007-12-11 06:35:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's too involved with his "new" life with his new wife. Or, is the stepmother making sure she is his center of attention?
Why doesnt your daughter tell her grandmother that she wanted to be included in the event and can special arrangements be made for her to attend.
2007-12-11 06:16:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is absolutely right to be upset - why is he excluding his daughters from a family celebration, and why can't her grandmother understand that?
Are you still on speaking terms? If so, why not call him to ask what's going on, and explain your daughter's concerns about going to see him. I'm sure she feels rejected and I think he should be held accountable for making her feel that way - especially when she was sweet enough to try to organise something special for them.
2007-12-11 06:13:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋