Ungrateful 7yr Old Step Son...?

Question

Ok help me out here! I go out of my way to do almost anything for my step son who is almost 8 to make him feel special. Don't get me wrong, I make him work for what ever he wants like video games etc by doing chores, and such... but I believe in rewarding a job well done. About 2 years ago I got him a PS2 for xmas (6yrs old now!!) because it was something he really wanted. When he opened it and a few games I had got with it he tossed it down and said that's all I get? Where's the rest of it. NOW this year, I ask him if you got ONE thing for your birthday (which is close to xmas) what would you want. His response.... "I ONLY GET 1 THING!! THATS CRAP" It's not just this, homework is a hassle, bedtime is hell and I am the main disciplinary in our house. So how good does this make me look when I take away his PS2 and empty out his room of everything but a bed. Im the bad guy because his parents don't want to be the bad guy.

His Dad (my husband) & "mother" act like he can do no wrong, until I point something out like him back talking and being disrespectful. Then all hell breaks loose and they finally want to do something about it. Long story short, any ideas with how to deal with a snot nosed child. I've heard "oh it’s the age" I'm sorry, that’s not a answer, it’s a excuse. PLEASE HELP!!

14 & Loving it, So your saying that its ok for him to be ungrateful just because he's 7?! Sorry But NO!

gggg, Maybe you didn’t read the whole thing…. I am the one who enforces the rules.

Don't get me wrong, I am upset about how he acts, but I did not say its 24/7. I do not go to his face and say your being a brat. He respects me more than the rest of his family because he knows his boundaries with me. I've been in his life since he was 2. This isn’t some new thing, or like his is still trying to adapt to me, it's an old one that’s getting out of hand. He doesn’t get to play any games or watch TV until his homework is done. I DO NOT buy him stuff all of the time. I just feel that xmas is a special time and would like to get nice things. His mother is remarried, has had a baby (step sons 1/2 sister) and also has a older step bro & sis. He does the same thing over there. The only difference is that I do not allow that in my house. I don’t care if I am your mother or not..

you will not disrespect anyone that is your superior. Would you allow your child to treat another person like that? A teacher, a family friend?? He doesn’t hate me, and he tells me he loves me every night before he goes to bed. There are often times that he'll apologize to me and tell me he knows its for his own good. He tells me all the time that his step dad, bio dad & mom are mean too… its not just me.

Psyberfox - Maybe where you come from money grows on trees, but to me a brand new PSP that is sold out everywhere and games & movies is a dang good gift to me!! Thats over $300!!

Answer 1

If my son would've thrown down a PS2, I would've taken it back and called him ungrateful. I've noticed when it somes to younger kids, it's more about quantity than quality. Hope that helps.

Answer 2

What to do with your snot nose child ? Beat the living hell out of him, take away everything he owns.....and for this Christmas and his birthday, tell him that he will not get anything. I would go and buy him what I want him to have, like something from the $1.00 store, just see his reaction. Tell him that's all he gets for his birthday or christmas because you had decided to use the money to make donations to a needed family where the child or children are more respectful towards their parent(s). On the other hand, that husband of yours need to sit him down, along with you and talk about his behavior, his place in the home as well as yours. If he can't do his homework then he won't be able to play that PS2, take it from him during the week, not just when he cuts up. Apparently, he is not working hardnough for want he wants if he is cutting up some terribly. Bottomline is just whip his little behind and let him know who's in charge, because if you don't he's going to be whipping yours, that Dad and your mothers. Bedtime ? Ain't no such thing has hell; turn off everything in his room and put his little ace to bed. Now if he don't go to sleep that will be on him the next morning. Sounds like he is spoiled rotten and this not good.

Answer 3

You're right... All the excuses in the world wont help him be less rotten. What you can do is to keep up with what you're doing now. Dont let him disrrespect you regardless of how much of a bad guy you turn out to be.
Some children are just BAD! Disrespectful little twits... And honestly only time will change their behavior.
You also need to slap his father around and tell him to be a man and help discipline HIS child. The main reason why this little boy isnt behaving is because his dad is not putting his foot down and demanding respect from him. He figures if his dad isnt doing anything about his rude-ness then oh well...this lady is just gonna have to deal with it. Which is not fair.

Teaching this little boy about God might help too. I dont know if you christian or not. But disciplining a child with the bible can be a good tool for you. He needs to know his place as a child and showing him, or teaching him about the bible will help him understand that respecting those who are in authority of you is very important.
People think that little kids cant understand the bigger picture or the greater things in life but they can. They just know how to toy with adults and push their buttons to get what they wants.

Answer 4

I know this is very shocking so I hope you've been able to talk to your husband and maybe a girlfriend to help you cope. Humans are sexual beings. Babies touch their own genitals because it feels good. As children get older, it's natural to wonder why 'he has an outie' and 'she has an innie'. Someone mentioned it was inappropriate because of the age difference. My first thought is, is this the first little girl he's ever seen 'down there'? If there haven't been other little girls around that are his age, he is definitely curious. Has his parents started any of the Birds and Bees talks with him? He's long overdue. If you are concerned about the possibility of abuse, get some dolls and have a talk with him about bad touch and good touch. This is something that should have been taught a long time ago but obviously wasn't. Calling the police and Child Protective Services can result in having your daughter and stepson and any other children in the house examined by doctors, questioned by police and other investigators, and possible removal from the home. This happened to my god-daugter when she accused her step-brother of touching her. Her stepmother became bitter and pushed her out of their home and she never gets to spend time with her half-brothers. It put a strain on the marriage and they are now divorce and my god-daughter doesn't even remember what may or may not have happened and why she can't spend time with them. Call the authorities only if you are sure your step son was touched inappropriately and that this is what lead to the incident and not just normal curiosity. I've caught many children playing 'show me yours and i'll show you mine' and practicing kissing. I'm sure you can think back to your own childhood when you were curious about your own body. Make sure you change your daughter's diapers and bathe her in private and keep a close eye on their interactions. Punishment, for this 1st offence, is not really appropriate if he wasn't taught not to do this. Good luck.

Answer 5

One thing is going out of your way and getting him almost anything he wants to "feel" special. It is very hard if a step child doesnt accept you but continue to buy things for him but tell him, you get 3 toys and your price range is say $200. What you decide to get is it. If he's ungreatful for what he does get just tell him he should be more thankful. Some kids dont even get presents. Make a schedule and keep the times the same every night. Make up a chart and have him complete simple tasks. Put a sticker on each chore completed. Tell him once he gets 5 stars, he can get a present. (Some thing nice but inexpensive and small) then once he continues to do good and is nice, etc. reward him with something else but nothing way too crazy. Stick to your guns but dont be too harsh. Put aside the differences or look at how you approach the situation.

Answer 6

Take him to a shelter during the holidays to show him how hard life can be and how grateful he should be for what he has. If he still acts up, show him what it feels like to have nothing...take away his PS2, tv, all his toys, even his clothes. You choose what he wears every day, you choose what he watches, you choose what he does for entertainment. He'll learn soon enough, but plan on doing it for at least a month.

For an easier method, redefine his allowance. Explain to him that he makes a certain dollar amount ($5 for example) per hour of work/chores, just like you do at work. Set up amounts of time that each task should take (15min for vaccuuming, 30min for dishes, ect.) At the end of each day, inspect the work he has done and record the amount of time accrued by doing chores...you can try marking it on a calendar or something. At the end of each week, write down how much money he has earned on the calendar and pay him out. As a Christmas present, tell him you will match whatever his is willing to spend (effectively doubling it). For example, if he has saved up $100, he'll be able to spend $200 total. This will show him the value of a hard earned dollar, while increasing his willingness to work.

Oh, and make sure the calendar is somewhere he can see it...it'll help keep the mind on the goal at hand and show him his progress towards his goal.

Answer 7

It sounds like this kid is a complete brat. I doubt that all or even many children are like this at that age. I would be ecstatic if I got a PS2 when I was 6. It seems to me that the best method of controlling him is through his biological parents.

I don't think he actually sees you as an authoritative figure even though you seem to be the one stepping up to the plate and trying to control him. His father and mother need to put down their foot and tell him that he has to have boundaries. This shouldn't be a battle fought by only you. If the son's father is unwilling to take responsibility for his own child then it would seem to me that there are some major issues that he needs to work out.

His parents may not want to be the bad guy but sometimes that's what parents have to do to set their kids in line. If a child is given everything they want all the time, then they will get spoiled and possibly become a terrible person later on. I realize this is a bit of an exaggeration, but some only children will grow up to be bratty and annoying and I don't think that's the type of personality that you want your kid to have.

In short, there needs to be some major intervention from all ends to make this kid understand what he can and can not do/have.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, he appears to have been trained to act this way by his parents. You aren't a parent, so you can't really interfere, with one exception. You should expect to be treated civilly as an adult. If the child is behaving uncivilly toward you as he has been trained to act towards everyone, you have the right to expect your husband to step in and correct this behavior. If you were the child's babysitter, how would you act? That's how you must act in this situation. You are not a parent so you should not expect him to treat you as one and you must defer to the wishes of the parents, but you should expect behavior suitable to a babysitter or family friend. And this is for your husband to ensure and support. IF your husband is not doing this, you need to put your cards on the table and tell him that you expect him to be a supportive husband or else (you decide the "or else", as it's your life).

You being the main disciplinary in the house is the main problem. He sees you as the bad guy and he knows you aren't a parent and his parents do not support your rules. This is something that you have to take up with the parents. The mother probably won't support you, as she had no choice in choosing you as a part of her child's life and she probably sees you as trying to replace her (which is probably why she's being so lenient with the kid, to gain his favor against you). However, your husband should be supporting you. Ask him why he isn't and tell him that the lack of support, not the child, is threatening your marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Someone needs to take charge and get this kid into shape. 7 is NOT too young to discipline! It's actually a little old to start; the results will take longer. I agree in rewarding good behavior and doing more chores. Don't feel bad about taking away his PS2. I would have taken it on Christmas and made him work for it if that's how he responded.

If he's as out of control as he seems, taking all his toys and privileges and explaining to him that he has to earn them back sounds like a good idea to me. I would leave him his bed, his clothes, and school stuff, and that's it. He needs to realize that crappy attitudes don't get rewarded with gifts.

Be firm in your standings on rules and discipline, but through all that, always show love and compassion. It's possible to train up a child with discipline in a loving way that won't make them hate you when they grow up.

I hope the situation improves!

Answer 10

You may not llike this, and it won't be easy, but no one is going to step up to the plate if you are at the plate. Step back and disengage, and be prepared to get blamed by one and all for *something*.. The parents are not going to fill the void until they are forced to, and truthfully, you will be TWITCHING like crazy on the sidelines while you wait. So find an excuse to leave the room or the house when you must. Stay calm.

It's a hard line to walk, because you are almost forced to say "to H*** with their problems" as a stategy, because that is not what your withdrawal is about. Just keep telling yourself "____needs to deal with this for his own good.. I love _____ and trust ____ (and God) to fix this."

ADDED: I just read the latest of your comments, and it sounds at least equally plausible that you must just keep doing what you are doing. The only thing I might add is showing a bit of hurt and withdrawal when he pulls the greedy gift act.

Answer 11

Wow . . . that's tough, especially when your the "step-mom." However, your doing the right thing by taking his things away when he acts out. I do the same thing to my daughter, and I don't care if I'm the bad guy or not! Rules are rules, LAY DOWN MORE RULES! Get your husband to agree to some basic rules, things like only getting to watch TV and play video games AFTER homework and chores are done. Do you think that might help?

How about making him do some volunteer work? My brother-n-law made his daughter do that when he thought she wasn't being appreciative of things, and it helped her learn how lucky she is compared to people who don't have as much.

If your step son can't go to bed when told too, make him understand that there are consequences for everything and tell him for every 30 minutes he is out of bed after his bed time is an hour of TV time taken away . . . enforce rules when it effects them the most . . . weekends. Imagine having to sit in your room all weekend, unable to play because your a stinker.

Good luck, sounds like your plate is full.