I have told my three year old Santa is pretend - why am I demonised for this?

Question

I have told my little girl Santa is pretend - just in the same way Dora the explorer, Winnie the Pooh etc are also pretend.

My reason for doing this is that I want her to always know that I am truthful with her. Inevitably she will find out it is all just a charade and perhaps a part of her will lose trust in me for carrying on that lie. I dont be a spoil sport and I play along etc but I let her know it is just a game.

I am Christian and do not then want her to see Jesus and Santa as both something they believed in but which turned out to be make believe. (yes, atheists insert your snide comment here)

Why do some people make such a big deal of it, as if I am a cruel and mean parent?

why

Answer 1

I never lost trust in my parents when i found out Santa was not real. I actually really appreciated that they went to all the trouble of making Christmas time so fun and full of happy memories.

Answer 2

I think you're on the right track as far as the trust thing and all that goes, but I have a 3 year old also, and I don't think their memory is quite developed enough to understand a year from now when it's Christmas again next year, that it had already been explained to her. I am a Christian also, and may not practice as much as most, but I agree. What we are trying to do with our children, is to still be able to celebrate Christmas the way others do, just to make sure Jesus isn't left out of the picture like it seems to be the way the world is changing, I think some people forget what the season is all about, but we are just going to teach our children the real meaning of Christmas, but still be able to have "Santa" and the traditions and all of that. But I really don't know that she will remember next year what's already been explained to her. I also don't think you should let what others say make you second guess yourself. I'm a FIRM believer in everyone bringing their children up the way they want to and the way they believe is right. Everyone does things differently when it comes to parenting, it doesn't make anyone wrong or right, just different. Keep in your beliefs and don't back down from what you think is right for your family. Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't think you are cruel and mean. To each his own.

But, I'll continue to let my almost 3 year old believe there is a Santa because........when I found out that Santa was pretend... I never lost trust in my parents. Also, I am a Christian and never thought twice that Jesus was make believe after learning the truth about Santa.

My son gets very excited about Santa but even at his young age, he still knows the "real" reason for Christmas.

Answer 4

I think some people make a big deal out of it because when school starts, your kid will be the one telling other kids that Santa's not real, and that will really piss off some other parents. Yes, you can raise your child the way you want, but other people can too. When your kid is telling others that Santa's not real, then the other parents will have to deal with their kids feeling betrayed because their parents didn't tell them. I can understand both sides, and why not let your kid have a little fun until they're old enough to know how to keep a secret? You could have let her believe until she was around 5, because that's when kids start forming concrete memories. She won't remember being three anyway.

Answer 5

I think it's you made the right choice I didn't believe in Santa growing up because Jesus is the true meaning behind Christmas. Not presents not Santa not lights. Just jesus those things are fun but it's not what it's all about. Santa isn't real bottom line ands as christians some of us don't believe our kids need a mythical person when the real true giver of life already exists and goes by the name Jesus Christ. I think it's a personal choice but my child will grow up knowing the real meaning of Christmas. We do celebrate St. Nicks day though I mean St. Nick was a real person and what he did was very nice and a fun holiday thing to do. but he was just a man. We celebrate St. Patricks day and all of those holidays after real people in kinda a remmberance of them and theres nothin wrong with that. You made the right choice in my opinion and many many other christians would agree. GL

Answer 6

Well, Saint Nicholas was a real person.

There are some lovely books out there about the 'real' Santa, and the various cultures' influences on how Santa came to be as he is today. I plan to tell my children that Santa (St. Nicholas) was a real person, but today we celebrate who he was in spirit- someone who helped others and gave them gifts and hope.

When they're older, I'll explain how Jesus figures into Christmas and why we celebrate Christmas with both Santa and Jesus.

You don't have to lie and tell your kids Santa is "real" and comes down your chimney, but you can explain how the legend came to be. Personally, I think that makes more sense.

I would think other people get upset because when they were children, the 'magic' of Santa was a very important part of their holidays and may or may not have had anything to do with the religious aspect of it. Your child (innocently) telling another of a similar age there is no Santa might have ruined their parent's hopes of sharing their own traditions with their children.

Everyone feels differently about how to go about the whole Santa thing. You just kind of have to expect some people to be very upset with whatever view you choose. It's just how things are.

Answer 7

Well, our church has a big party for the kids, which includes Santa. The kids are also taught how Santa (St. Nicholas) IS religious, and how he is related to the story of Christmas. If you do your research, you'll know.
I think the reason people are giving you a hard time is that your reason is ridiculous. How many of us believed in Santa when we were kids? And how many of us were traumatized when we found our our parents "lied" to us?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I know my son will look back on his Christmas memories - of both Santa AND the story of Jesus - fondly when he's older. I'd rather have him believe in Santa and have an imagination than be a concrete drone.
I guess when we play with Thomas the Train together, I should start reminding him that Thomas is just pretend. After all, I don't want to traumatize him by lying to him, right?

Answer 8

Seriously when i found out I was in 5th grade. I was upset just because I felt like I was retarted for thinking it but I was happy that my parents made it soooo fun for me and my little brother. At the age of 3 children have a mind that wants to believe everything. It is good for them to beleive in the those things like santa and dora. It strengthens their mind and expands it. With the whole Jesus thing, I am a CAtholic. Alright maybe not the best Catholic but I do believe in Jesus. If you do not tell you child that Jesus and Santa are the saem person they will not believe that. Saint Nicholas is okay to tel them because that is who it was based on, not so much Jesus. Hope people aren't being too mean and I hope you do not take my comment mean.

Answer 9

They make a big deal out of it because they probably know that a child's imagination is a precious and important thing.

With that being said, it's YOUR choice on whether or not to tell your children about Santa. There's no rule book out there saying "You must pretend Santa is real until your child catches on." So, don't worry about the haters. Just keep doing what you think is best for your child.

Merry Christmas

Answer 10

I definitely understand what you're getting at..we're trying to figure out how to introduce Santa to our daughter in a way that minimizes the whole "loss of faith" thing. Also, when they're that little they may just get the two flat out confused (my 2 yr. old, while gazing at a picture of Santa in the store informed me that Santa was getting ready to get in his sleigh and go home "to Jerusalem with Mary and Joseph," ala 12 yr. old Jesus at the temple in her Bible story books=>)

You have a right to tell your child whatever you want, of course. If it bothers people it's probably because so many of us have such beautiful and wonderful memories of believing in Santa, and a lot of people won't understand your reasons for not doing that with your daughter (however valid).

Another reason some people will have a problem with it? They are working hard to recreate that experience with their children, and are afraid that one day in preschool, your child will drop the bomb that her mommy has told her that Santa isn't real. That's how I found out (albeit slightly older, thank goodness)...and I was devastated for years...It would have been so much better if my parents had been allowed to explain it on their own terms.

It's so important to raise your kids in the way you believe is best for them/you. People shouldn't judge...but I know that there are those of us who would truly appreciate it if you found a way to have your child communicate their thoughts on Santa in a way that respects the choices we have made to have our children share in a tradition we love.

Answer 11

Did you believe in Santa when you were young? When you found out he wasn't real did you hold a grudge against your parents that continues to this day? Do you no longer believe them? Yeah, you're fine and don't hold this little "lie" against them. Truthfully speaking, we all wish we could still be kids and believe in Santa and not have all the headaches of adulthood.

Here's the problem: you are not letting YOUR child stay a child. The adult world is completely screwed up - we all know this to be true - so why hurry children in to it ASAP? Let kids be kids and not worry about ANY of the BS we as adults deal with on a daily basis.

Let you kids stay kids. Adults only mess things up.