My fiance broke up with me in June after dating for 4 years. She told me that she was depressed and needed to find herself. I was beyond Devastated from this. She told me that she wanted to stay friends. I miss her more than anything, but if anything, I am the one trying to hold the friendship, I have not heard from her in 3 months. In your experiences, did it ever work out or is it usually dead in the water???
2007-12-11 03:28:49 · 34 answers · asked by Jennaba9048 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have had a gf that I was friends with for years after we broke up. However the sexual tension never went away. In fact she cheated on her bf (then husband) for many years after we broke up. Even our friendship was so close to being together that people questioned what was going on with us. It also effected my relationships with other women because of how close we were. In the end she moved after her divorce and I have not talked to her in a couple years.
I would suggest that you just move on because in my experience a girl says that she wants to be friends when she does not want to be with the guy anymore. She will not keep the friendship. She just uses it as a crutch while dating other people. Like a d*ck in a glass case type of thing. When a man wants to just be friends he just wants to continue having sex without the strings or committment.
Sounds like you are trying to hold the friendship because you are still in love with her. The best thing is to cut the friendship and get over her as she has already done that towards you.
2007-12-11 03:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by sickwell3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not heard from her in 3 months. That is a LONG time, esp when you have been so close for 4 years. You're the only one putting any effort forth now. As hard as it is, you need to start getting past her. It sounds like it might be over for good.
As far as staying friends, it's practically impossible when one person still has romantic feelings for the other. You will throw away other opportunities while you hold onto the hope that some day your friendship will be more.
Also, many times when people break up, they automatically say, "let's still be friends," but they really don't mean it; it's just what people say. Sounds like this was the case with your ex.
2007-12-11 03:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Leah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
humm- i think that you could be friends if you really wanted to be - its better to break up and be friends than to break up and never talk again. That way you still have that person in your life and its not like they fell off the face of the earth. Just don't to anything that could jeopardize that friendship boundary! I think after your with a person for that long things change- you don't know them any more and what you thought you knew has all changed as time went on. Did you know that she was depressed- did you try to help her out- and talk with her? Maybe she wanted to feel loved more and not worthless... If you were beyond devastated why didn't you go after her? You should have - Try and contact her again see how shes doing, ask if she would like to out to dinner or to a movie as friends. Good luck!!!
2007-12-11 03:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by Jolene S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. It was like poetry. The words you described the way you felt were deep. You made a mistake, it has been 7 years and you still haven't even moved on or merely forgot it, let alone stop thinking about it. You were young and immature. People make mistakes which they have to soon forget. Others have completely lost their virginty at such a young age, they have lost everything that made them innocent, everything that made them who they are, a kid or a child. They don't even regret it, they don't even care. This one thing you have done corrupted you, it destroyed you. You can't even show your face to the one you should be blaming. You've blamed yourself long enough and now is the time to act up and move on. Turning down that job offer just because your ex worked there wasn't a thing you should have done. Don't let this haunt you. You deserve someone to take care of you now, someone to care about you. If that highschool friend of yours chose you of all the other girls he could have gotten, then you should start believing that things are supposed to be better for you. You can't stay the way you are, you have to improve and change things to the better. Think about it, if you're standing on an empty long road. Along that road there are bumps, ups and downs and you might trip along the way to the end of the road. But you should stand up again instead of staying on the ground and giving up. It's your choice, you can change things, you can start walking and rising up from the bump you have tripped on. You can move on.
2016-05-23 01:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same situation. I just contacted her for the first time today, waiting to see if she'll reply back.
If she wanted to stay friends, then you should contact her. She may be waiting for you. And if she gets mad, which she has no right to, tell her you thought she wanted to stay friends.
Of course, people sometimes say it and not mean it. I'm usually straight forward with my girlfriends about that, but not ever girl is like that. (Yeah, I'm a girl.) So she may have just used the "let's be friends" line.
Still, contact her, see what she says. If she doesn't reply, then yeah, I'd say, move on.
Also, just be aware that if you two do become friends again, it may hurt. You may find out she's seeing someone else, and believe me, that's no fun. She might need her own space right now, since she's depressed, and she may still see you as a source of stress (not to say you stressed her out.) Give her the space she needs, don't force her into anything, and be prepared to just stay friends.
2007-12-11 03:33:17 · answer #5 · answered by Elephant 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dated this guy for 3 years and we remained friends. That was 13 years ago and we still talk. I am married with kids and he is getting married, to my cousin no less. So it is possible. I still care for him deeply and we will always be friends. It does take a while after the "break-up" to start talking again though. Give it time, then call her. Just make sure you only want friendship though because you might get hurt.
2007-12-11 03:38:01 · answer #6 · answered by mommyof2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In 99% of love relationships or employer/employee relationships when it's over it's over! When you get fired you don't talk to your old boss again. When you quit a job you and your old boss do not stay friends. Love is the same way. If you were let go or fired by your fiance it is over. She has moved on and the sooner you realize this the better off you will be. I know it is hard but don't dwell on it. Go out and get another girlfriend right away. If there is any chance of you getting back together it is her seeing you with someone hotter thant her. If that doesn't work it is definately over and now you have a hotter LADY. I hope this helps.
2007-12-11 03:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by justsomehack 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my experience, it never works out regarding getting back together soon after the break up. But, I have seen people run into each other after many years, and get back together and make it work. You don't have any fresh "wounds" after time has passed, and have a better chance at seeing if it can work this time. You are also older and are more realistic about what to expect in a relationship.
2007-12-11 03:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by nurse ratchet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there really is no chance of friendship srry. there just are too many feelings and if ur depressed then ur not really over it and itll be wierd and there will be all this confusion for the both of u. the best way to get over someone is to jsut forget about them and move on. maybe after ur both over it and have moved on to new peopl then itll be a lot easier to be friends. like give it a few years and then if u run into one another in the future then itll be possible for the two of u to be friends but for the time being its not a good situation for either of u to be in :(
2007-12-11 03:33:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't heard from her in that long then she's clearly moved on. Though you're hanging onto what was it sounds like maybe it's better to keep away. Three months is a long time and it sounds like she wouldn't be invested in a friendship. From my own experience I can tell you it's never a good idea to fight to keep something if the other person isn't interested. It'll only bring you pain in the long run and make you put out a lot of effort for nothing. Move on and in time it'll all make sense to you.
2007-12-11 03:32:31 · answer #10 · answered by Links 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋