Creepy Guy? Can u give me advice?

Question

ok....my friend met this cop who was really nice. They started talking and made out at her house. It didnt go any further. Anyways...he has started to do some creepy things and I need to give her some good advice.....
this is what he is doing...

1. he got a myspace/facebook just to talk to us
2. after 3 dates he told her he wanted her to meet his mother.
3. Sent her a top 10 list of what he likes best about her on myspace
4. Invited her to his family christmas
5.Sat up after hanging out and asked "what are we getting ourselves into?...it doesnt matter...it just feels so right"
6. told her he was going to spoil her rotten
7. calling her is girlfriend
8. the whole squad and his mother know EVERYTHING about her and can't wait to meet her.
9. telling her how she used to wait on him at her job over a year ago

and a bunch of other creepy stuff. keep in mind he is a cop, so how does she nicely get rid of him without being on his bad side??????????? this is after only 3 dates

Answer 1

If she is counting on you to do this sort of heavy lifting, she doesn't sound very prepared to be going out!

But to work . . . Her solution is to simply de-escalate her new friends expectations. This could be simple statements like, "Easy, I believe in dating for a while before settling on my one and only, and I'm not any were ready yet." She could make herself unavailable to him sometimes because she is dating someone else as well, but she should always attempt to be honest with herself and her friend.

This problem is a growing trend because people are not as often involving themselves in traditional dating as people used to, and so people are confusing a casual date with a serious commitment. Dating is all about shopping for the right person and it should involve more than one choice. Tell your friend to go out with others, there is nothing wrong with having dates with others until she decides which one to get more serious with. This guy might be fine, but is overstepping the whole dating process.

Your friend needs to take charge of her life here, and not be intimidated or overwhelmed by this guys rush.

If he is truly creeping her out, she needs to take some time away from him where he cannot be near her, the longer the better then, when she does return, to be a bit more indifferent about him to signal him that his expectations were premature.

Answer 2

First things first - YOu would be wise to stay out of people's love lives - even if they ask - it's best to stay out of the line of fire.

Secondly, bear in mind that a lot of these things aren't really creepy. For example, if Cop is from a particularly close family, it's perfectly proper to invite a new girlfriend over to meet them - as early as possible. That way, in case they don't particularly like her - he can toss that fish back and look elsewhere.

Same thing with the Police brothers - they're his "other family" again perfectly acceptable thing to do.

And men from close families LOVE to spoil their girlfriends rotten - perfectly normal.

I could go on and on to refute her feelings of creepiness.

What he IS doing - and this is probably from inexperience - is rushing things - which is - and should - be something to discuss openly.

It's perfectly proper to tell Cop, "Sweetheart, I am so amazed at you. I've never been treated like this before. It's simply ovewhelming - and, I need time to let it sink in - that a gallant and wonderfully loving man like you really exists. Truthfully, I know in my head you'd take a bullet for me - but it's so sudden and so amazing that I simply can't believe this in my heart - yet. I'm really overwhelmed at how blessed I really am. You're simply going to have to slow down - and let me catch up. That's the bottom line, Dear. I have to catch up - so you're going to have to wait..."

If he has a brain - he'll understand. If he gets mad - then she may have to be a whole lot more stern about it.

But try this approach first. It's not saying "get lost, creep" - 'cause he's not a creep. But it is telling him to slow down, he's overwhelming.

And remember, this is the problem with sites like myspace - you attract ALL the attention - even attention you don't want.

Answer 3

He's just way more into her than she is into him. So far you haven't told me anything creepy--you told me things a lot of guys would do if they felt like they had found a girl they want a long term relationship with. Is there an age difference or some other creepyness to his behavior?

Whether he is creepy or not doesn't matter much, she needs to be clear if she doesn't want to see him anymore. Maybe a talk about how there wasn't a spark or deep connection in the relationship, something that implies that though he is a great guy, that the two of them just aren't meant for each other.

Answer 4

Ok. it sounds like he is moving a little fast but he doesn't sound creepy so to speak. Also you never mentioned whether she wants to keep seeing him or not. If she doesn't want to keep seeing him, she should say " Look, you are a nice guy and all, but I am not looking for a serious relationship with you and I just want to be friends. " He'll get the hint and leave her alone.

If she wants to see him, than that's between her and him, you could tell her though, that you think he's moving a little fast but in the end, it's HER decision.

Answer 5

Wow, yeah, how crap is that, I mean he's being really horrible, wanting her to come for family dinner and meet his Mom, and telling all his friends he's got a girlfriend, and as for wanting to talk to her often, and wanting to spoil her rotten, god what a bastard!
Thats not creepy! He's really sweet. Its really romantic. He's telling her he'd like to do nice things for her. Bloody hell I'd love someone to tell me they want to spoil me rotten! How can that be sinister? Ungrateful cow. If she's slept with him and been on 3 dates with him, and she wouldnt call herself his girlfriend then what sort of slut is she? If she just wants him for the sex she should tell him so the poor man. He's obviously liked her for a while if he noticed her a year ago and remembered her. (he cant be a stalker or he would have bothered her all year if he first saw her a year ago and stalkers keep it quiet they dont tell a whole station full of cops! He's obviously really pleased to know her and really proud of her.) Or are you just jealous of what she's got so you're trying to piss on her parade???

Answer 6

Oh dear I dont like the sound of him at all and the sooner she gets rid of him the better.tell her she must do it as soon as possible because he will be proposing next.It wouldnt surprise me if that is what he is planning(perhaps to do it on New Years Eve or something). I think the only way she can do it is to be as nice as posssible about it and hope for the best.If he does turn into a stalker then she must report it to his superiors and she shouldnt worry about keeping on his good side because Im sure if he knew he was being reported he would have to stop it or lose his job.
The most important thing is to do it SOON.It will be easier that way.

Answer 7

he's just coming on strong. your friend needs to tell him exactly that. don't be rude about it just let him know, calmly and sweetly, that his emotions area bit overpowering and she isn't sure how she feels about the situation. If he's a cop, (A REAL COP) :P then he might understand and appreciate a little caution into a new situation. If he doesn't back off, then simply have your friend throw a doughnut into the street and when he goes after it, she can run the other way....

Answer 8

Seems like your friend needs to appreciate a good thing while its there. Maybe hes a nice guy and really likes her. She should tell him to slow it down if a relationship is what she is looking for

on the other hand...this guy could be a crazy SOB. Depending on how clingy and controlling he is I would go off that to make the best decision...safety first and if she can live with out him dump him!

Answer 9

Ok, does your friend realy want to try at this "relationship" if you can acctually call it that after 3 dates, women can just as easly be put of by obsessiveness just like guys hate the "i love you" sentance,
If she doesn't like him just get her to tell him that she's not wanting a full relationship with him and they think its best if they just end things now,
But . . if shes willing to give this guy a chance, just let him know that he's moving way to fast and they need to take things slowly, im sure he's not a creep you just need to tell him what you/she thinks men arnt mind readers how will he know what she's thinking if she doesnt tell him.

i hope this was in some way helpfull.
good luck.!

Answer 10

Sounds like he really likes her and is coming on really strong. I also think he sounds lonely.

I want to know if there is an age difference.

I would just have her be honest with him and say that it is moving too quickly and that she isn't sure it is moving in the same direction that he does. Then, start spending less time with him.

Good luck and be careful.