a question about my mother in law my kids grandmother?

Question

I have been married for 10years and I have three beautiful kids I lost my mother when I was 20 years so my kids never got to see my mom but there father mother is still living and she is not in my kids life like
i want her to be how do
i tell her how i fill about that

should I talk to her or should her son talk to her because he feels the same way

my kids know her very well and they love her I tell her that they want to come andspend a night with her and she never responds

can I get more advice

Answer 1

I have the same situation my mother passed when I was 21. My mother in law is not one who plays the "grandma role" She is to self centered to notice anyone else in the room. If your husband wants to address this issue with his mother then fine but take note you can not change people or expect them to act the way you feel that they should. Although this hits home more as I know you feel that you got cheated out of having your mom there and that your mom would have acted different. You really need to let your husband handle her and just accept the fact that she is a poor excuse for a grand mother.

Just think how bad your husband feels that his mother treats his children this way.

Answer 2

why hasn't she been a part of their lives up to now? Is it because no one has made the effort before now or is it because she's a toxic person? Or is it some other reason? Make sure you are honest with yourself when you answer these questions. If you are trying to create a false happy family picture and the woman is not nice, you won't be doing anything except creating strife and misery in the kid's lives.


Call the woman up and just plainly, honestly tell her how you feel. That you would like for your kids to have a relationship with their grandmother and that it is important to you that they get to know her and spend time with her.

If after all of that she's still not the person you want her to be, then accept her for who she is and take what she is willing to give and then look elsewhere for a grandparent type closer to home. See if there is an older person in your neighborhood who would like visitors or needs help around their home. See if a nursing home in your area takes volunteer visitors and take the children to visit people who need visitors and human contact.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You can write her a letter. That way you have are able to say everything you want to say without stumbling over your words and trying to remember what you want to say (as would happen in person or over the phone)

Explain to her that your kids dont have your mother. And you value her as a family member and would like her to be more involved in your kids life. Tell her how you feel grandmothers are important and what they offer a child.
Say what you have always wanted to say to her and make it come from the heart. Do not insult her in any way, just tell her how you feel. But not what you think she should be doing.

Perhaps near the end invite her to something that involves the children. Include the place, time, event etc and leave it up to her to come or not come.

Wish you the best of luck, God bless!

Answer 4

Invite her to accompany you and the kids places- to the zoo, the playground- just about anywhere. Do it on a regular basis- hell, you can even just go food shopping together. Once the kids have more exposure to Grannie they'll want to see more of her and hopefully the reverse will be true also, and a new relationship with new routines will fall into place. Don't just take to her (she may feel criticized)- do something proactive and invite her places!

EDIT- Maybe she doesn't want the responsibility of having them sleep over- they must be fairly young if you've only been married 10 years. It's a big responsibility and maybe she's afraid to hurt your feelings if she comes out and says NO, so she avoids the issue.

Answer 5

Now that's tough. Try talking to your husband and see if he could talk to her. Does she have anything against you or your husband? My sister's mother in law is like that too. My mother live 6 hours away and my sis's mother in law lives like 25 min away and my mom sees the kids more. That's because my mom would come to visit everyweekend if she could. It's seem like the father's mother aren't ever in the kids lives like the mother's mother.

Anyways talk to her tell her she's the only grandmother your kids have and you would like them to get to know her more. SHe should be thrilled b/c you could be one of those that try to keep the kids out her life. Tell her how you feel if she doesn't come around then oh well it's her loss you've done your part.

Answer 6

What kind of relationship do you have with your mother-in-law? Do you have a mother/daughter type closeness? How would you like her to be more involved? Does your husband agree?

You could invite her to lunch or coffee and explain how you feel. Don't overwhelm her. Maybe offer small ways that she can be more involved and then 'bigger' steps down the road.

There are so many factors at work here. So much depends on your m-i-l's personality and your relationship with her. Maybe if her son were to talk with her, too?

Answer 7

If she lives near by ask her over for a coffee or such like, then maybe you could bring the subject up about how your kids would like more contact with her.If she lives some distance send her some photos and see if you get any response.

Answer 8

Invitations to do things with you and the kids. Stop by and see her. Have her over for dinner. Go out for dinner.

Try and include her in things. Make her feel important in the children's' lives. Have them call her just to say hi to Grandma and they love her.

I melt when my 3 year old grand daughter gets on the phone and tells me she loves me.

Answer 9

have you ever aske her why she's not in their lifes.
everthing has a reason behind it.
it's all part of life. and I understand where you are coming from.
I to have been there. my youngest daughters children I was with her before and after my grandchildren were born. and like with my oldest daughter she want'ed to make deals with me in order to be able to be with them so I never bonded with her children like I did and have with Anns children.
and being a grand parent I shouldn't have to beg her to let me come see them and what made it all so bad they lived right across the street from me. but I will never beg to see any of my grandchildren. good luck to you I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 10

sounds tricky. the fact is you can't force her to be, but you can encourage her. try spending more time with her yourself, try playing a significant role in her life, and make her feel loved and important to your family. that may touch her in just the right way to want to have a close relationship with your kids.