This is killing me...?

Question

I am 43 and I suffer from bi-polar but even worse is that I have fears of how I look and worry so much that I hardly even go out anymore. People tell me that I look ok for 43 but I panick that I am aging and I panick about so much. I live in track pants and t-shirts because I feel like I am so ugly. I am 5.4 and probably 10kg over weight but when I look at myself I see someone who is 30 plus kg overweight and I see someone who looks ninety.

Tomorrow I have to go back into the psych ward because they think I am depressed with bi-polar but its my body issues that are getting me down. A few years back I had breast surgery that didn't go very well and at the same time my husband started having affairs - we have separated now - and it seems to be since my surgery that I have developed a over anxious fear of my looks.

I don't know what to do. I see other people that look older and fatter and they are happy but I feel so self concisous. I was never like this when I was younger.

Answer 1

I see mid way through your question that tomorrow you are going back to a phyc ward.... it doesnt really matter why they are sending you there because they will give you time to talk about what is depressing you and you just need to tell them.There is no reason that you cant have you reason of body issues causing depression validated and then work through that.
It seems that when your husband started having affairs is when your body issues became more apparent coupled with the fact that you had surgery...so even then you did not feel good enough in your mind and apparantly you husbands(not a nice man)
There are many ppl who have body issues and it seems that your issues are invading your mind so much that you feel that you cant do anything else.......
Use the time in the pysc ward to work through these very issues it will very soon become apparent to the staff there where the source of your depression is coming from.
I would like to wish you the best of luck...and to say that even though i am in my 30s i wish to age gracfully but thats not for me as i was burnt in a house fire so aging is not a huge problem for me but if i had the chance i would wish to age gracfully and not to worry about extra pounds ect...just enjoying time.You have that oppertunity embrace it i bet many ppl see you as a beautiful person its just you and you self esteem that dont.

Answer 2

I feel the same way about my self actually and I know what you are going through. I'm 19 but every time I look in the mirror I see wrinkles and I'm no skinny girl so then I get all worried about what people will think when I go out and if they will look at me and think what a fat ass I am. The worst part of it all is that I know I shouldn't be silly and worry what completely strangers think, especially if they think I'm ugly or not thin enough. Its a very hard thing to deal with and every time I try and talk to my mother about it she just says I'm being stupid and to stop it. I think if you already haven't you should tell the people tomorrow how serious this problem is and maybe there is some way they can help. I really hope you can get over it because I know how hard it is and I'm sure you look wonderful! Good luck to you.

Answer 3

i'm sorry that your feeling this way...having bi-polar does not help the issue any more does it?, but i really think that you need to sort out your esteem problems first...you seem very down at the moment so it's going to affect how you think and feel...being stuck indoors does not help either, is there a local gym that you can go to during the day? this will help you get out of the dolldrums and it will also help your weight problem, 10kg's is not all that much but i know what your saying, also you will meet other people and make new friends, i don't know if this helps but it helped me when i gained weight, now i am back to my target weight and i feel much better and i feel younger than ever.....don't isolate yourself from the outside world sweetheart, it's not good, go out more and meet people, i am sure you are a beautiful lady inside and out, but i too have days when i feel and look like i'm ageing fast, that's why i joined the gym....good luck to you....x

Answer 4

i'm 28, and think the same as you. I believe i'm gargantuan while everyone else says theres nothing of me, and that it's my clothes which make me feel so fat.... I also worry constantly about the lines and wrinkles i see appearing on my face... i think i'm the oldest looking person on my street... thus, spending a fortune in anti-ageing creams, going on special anti-ageing diets (living on water, cucumber and vitamin suppliments for a week *supposedly to detoxify and take 10 years off anyone*... blah blah)

but you know what? LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE!!!!
so, to be happy with myself, I don't won't care anymore if i'm not even 30, but look over 40. if I get grey hair, it can be dyed, and I can get some collagen fillers (creams, and makeups) and some clothes that hide a few sins, and call it a day... i WONT let it get me down.

My husband is also a freak suffering from the don juan syndrome. But again, I REFUSE to let his shortcommings dominate my life and dictate how i feel about myself....LIFE IS TOO SHORT, and I deserve better than that..

my advice to you is to let go for a while... think about the things that REALLY matter... are your bills paid? do you have a stable roof over your head? are your loved ones ok? are you in physical pain? there is a whole world of worries out there that need to be addressed, and are well more important than that new line, or the extra inch of padding (which by the way, helps you save on heating bills *wink wink* )

Chin up... life is never easy, and everyone else will always look happier than you are... remember that old saying: the grass always looks greener... just relax, and focus on something else for a while... let yourself calm down, and let up on your self depreciation... or in simpler terms.. put the bat down. Things will brighten up, and you will feel better soon.. just hang in there.
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Answer 5

Hey you dont have to be depress over your physical body.Every age group is enjoyable,join a self help group or start a charitable group where you can spend your time,exercise to keep your body fit,eat what is necessary for your health.You will feel much lighter.Age gracefully, fourtiest is one of the most desirable age.

Answer 6

When you look in the mirror, you must see the sweetness you
possess. You sound like a fine lady. Your 43, that's not old,that's Gold. Be your inner self. Not what everybody thinks .
Tell the Doctor your worrys. Godspeed and Love...

Answer 7

Cheer up and face it as it comes. By thinking more of the past and bad health, your health will detiorate further and loose interest in life. Look at those who are less fortunate than you,those who has everything in life but no good health such as those suffering from cancer.

Answer 8

I'd say the obvious but I'm sure you've heard it a dozen times over... I guess you better get help. You're not gonna find the kind of support you need here.

Answer 9

Try going shopping if you can, try on stylish clothes and find some things that flatter your figure. Maybe get a makeover if you can, pamper yourself. Good luck.

Answer 10

It sounds like it might be Body Dysmorphic Disorder.