Okay, here we go. I am military and my wife and I got married before I left for the middle east. We did not tell her family. We planned on having a wedding on our 2 year anniversary and told them the date. Now we are not going to have the wedding (alot of planning for 2 people and want to save the money) and are wondering how we are going to tell them. We were thinking of making it a small joke or something. We just saw the movie "This Christmas" and was going to say something like surprise. Kinda as a joke. Still not too sure how we are going to do it and not have them too mad at us. HELP me out.
2007-12-10 15:47:22 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No, we got married at the court with no pics.
2007-12-10 15:55:26 · update #1
Tell them that your Christmas present to them was saving them money on gifts and reception! :o)
But seriously.. be tactful in telling them. Explain it like you did to us and even if they are a bit offended i'm sure they love her and will get over it!
Lots of people elope... Lots of people consider it when they start planning!! lol we have! But you've gone a looong time without saying anything, that's gonna be the killer!
Also, if your parents already know, I wouldn't mention that... That would be adding insult to injury...
2007-12-10 15:59:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Have a friend who is good at public speaking read a ceremony from my website at your Christmas gathering as a surprise. Then tell them you went to the courthouse a while back for the legal stuff but you wanted to make your vows with them there.
You could even get a 2nd license for your friend to sign if you wish. Since you're already married it wouldn't matter if the officiant can't fill the state's requirements as you never even have to mail the 2nd one.
You could have 2 anniversaries. A public and a private romantic one every year!
2007-12-11 12:21:55 · answer #2 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm a military wife.. And I would be honest with your folks, and tell them you got married over a year ago. Perhaps have a renewal of vows on your anniversary for the family. It doesn't have to be a big to-do. Just something intimate, meaningful, and make sure it's fun. Good Luck!
2007-12-11 00:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's pretty crappy how it's worked out. Can you have a small family-only ceremony on the chosen day to honour your parents and make them (and yourselves of course) feel special? This is a serious mis-step that could really change the way they think of you both for a very long time, and not for the better.
2007-12-10 18:44:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you both didn't think any more of them to not tell in the beginning, what does it matter now? Do your parents know? All you can do now is just tell them. They're most likely going to be angry since they weren't invited to their own daughter's wedding, but maybe they'll eventually get over it. I wouldn't do it as a joke. I doubt they'd find it funny.
2007-12-10 15:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by First Lady 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, the only solution would be a nice wedding party with both families... otherwise, they will be disappointed for a very long, long time.
I know, wedding parties are expensive, but instead of normal presents you both could give your bank account number with the invitations and it will not hurt that much.
I guess your family will be a little angry first, but as soon as they are part of the wedding party, they will be happy again...
Best wishes!!!
2007-12-11 04:14:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anita P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Chris:
First of all...thank you for your service to our country.
Second...YIKES!!! Ok...this is my "mom voice" talking. I take it that your parents know...but you are just concerned about your wife's parents. Well....you/she know them and their personality...we do not. If they are anything like me, be prepared for a "shock and awe"...lol. But seriously, they may (or may not) be hurt (I would)...just to know that they have been lied to for a whole year. Give them time to settle down. I would be hurt and upset for a while, but would settle down.
I CAN certainly understand (as I am sure they do) of why you wanted to get married before you were deployed. I understand all of that. But now the shock that you ARE married and NO wedding!! :(
Anyway, what I would do would NOT be to say anything on Christmas unless that is the only day you will be with them. Possibly the day after. Whatever you do, I would not try to
"sugar coat things"....make it a joke...put pics in a card or anything like that. I think the most mature thing to do is to simply say...."mom, dad, we have something to say....you know the wedding? well it's not going to happen...and the reason why is because we are already married! we were married last year before I deployed."
Like I said, they may be hurt at first (or may be not?) In any case, if they want to spend money to throw you a party in celebration of your marriage....please LET them! I'm sure they will be very happy for you.
Merry Christmas and God Bless you and your wife.
2007-12-10 16:27:18 · answer #7 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
well, if you have a picture or two from when you got married, then be creative and go pick out a card and send it to them with a couple pictures in it with a little note saying suprise - we did it ! and input the date that you were married.
If they get mad - ahh,they will get over it..
just explain to them that you want to have a formal wedding,but with everything going on money is just realy tight and you feel you need to save first so that you can both have the wedding that you realy want ...
If the family wants the big formal wedding sooner than what you think you can do it - then kindly ask them to take up a collection to help pay for things
2007-12-10 15:58:04 · answer #8 · answered by country_girl 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
in simple terms tell them. tell them your plans for waiting till you're completed which comprise your education (and completed along with his too i desire) and which you the two have jobs and a few money saved up. learn as much as you may approximately his affliction so as which you would recognize each thing which could happen yet in addition so which you will answer your mothers and fathers concerns approximately what is going to happen to you. they might think of that he might desire to waste away earlier you turn 30 and then will might desire to be a caretaker to an invalid for the the remainder of your existence or that he might bypass it directly to their grandchildren. So the extra arranged for their arguments you are the extra suitable it is going to be. interior the long-term if he's a competent guy and treats you like a princess then remind them which you at the instant are an person which you have fun with their concern yet it incredibly is what you experience is genuine for you and you in elementary terms choose them that can assist you you have fun this marvelous time of your existence.
2016-11-14 09:56:04 · answer #9 · answered by joerling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not funny at all. I don't know how you can live with yourselves after deceiving the so called people you "love" day after day for the past two years? Both you and your wife have no moral compass. I don't think I would EVER be able to forgive a family member for lying to me for that long. And, I don't believe that a marriage based on lies and deception can EVER last.
2007-12-11 02:28:41 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋