I am in a big mess.....I need serious help here?

Question

I am the eldest child in my family two sisters and one a baby Einstein. Now i have been very close with my sisters and my parents but with my brother i have a full 12yr gap and hence he lives in his own world and we essentially do not connect much. He also spent time away from home which adds to the problem for all the three siblings to actually know what kind of a person our brother is really. The problem starts with the fact that he has always seen me and the elder sister as just his bro and sis not real people and i have trouble getting this point across to him. And he has blown the issue to such large proportions that he refuses to speak with my new wife and my sister's finace.....I try to go easy on him just because he is 14 but he has to understand that one day all of us leave to have their own families......how do i get it across to him in way that he can totally get the point?.......his extreme introvertedness has also given to him being extremely violent when around me....help

Answer 1

1. Do what you can but realize you can only change your own behaviour, not the behaviour of others.
2. Be open-minded and open-hearted
3. Understand that everyone has a different point of view
4. Recognize what you do and do not have control over
5. Give people time and trust that in time they will come around
6. Do not worry about what others think, worry only about your own thoughts
7. Give situations space and time
8. Recognize that you do not hold all of the answers

Answer 2

Teenage age... a difficult age anyhow.
You shall take everything with calm and do not overact.
He wants you to get angry and scream and shout, so he could say, "hey, look at him, he lost his temper and all this is the fault of his bloody wife..."
He is 14, he is a teenager who wants to rebel against everything, but on the other hand, teenager are also very sensitive and always feel misunderstood and they feel, that adults do not take in serious their needs, fears and questions about life...
So, maybe you could start a better relationship with him when you stop treating him like a child. Try to treat him like a young adult and make him see, that in adults life nasty and anti social behavior has its consequences.
Which could be the consequence?
Well, he seems to be very fond of both of you, your sister and you, so whenever he starts to treat your wife or your sisters fiancée in a bad or impolite way, tell him, that you feel very disappointed by such a childish behavior and you would have expected a lot more from a young man like he is and treat him with indifference.
He might get angry first, but he will start to think and he will start to like to please you...
Give it time, but never forget your target. If you treat your younger brother as if he was an adult, he soon will try to behave like an adult.

Answer 3

Well,he is confused for one thing.Give him his space and time and he will come around.My husband has a 12 year gap between him and his two younger half brothers.One of those he spent 18 years without being able to see or contact because his dad died when he was 18 and his brother was 5.We found this brother a couple of years ago,and was there at his wedding.However,this brother feels closer to my husbands oldest brother,so my husband sometimes feels left out.Just give your brother time and space.He will eventually realize his place in the family and come around.You can not force him to be around and accepting of the woman who took over a portion of your life.Just spend time one on one with him on occasion,and let him know your there for him.

Answer 4

Have you had him come and stay at your home with your wife and give him a chance to see that indeed you do have a life outside of the one he's known you to have? Maybe have a sleep-over at your house with him, rent some movies along the themes of siblings moving on etc... And while he's there in your house sit him down and ask him if he is bothered by the fact that you have a different life than his! And reassure him that you'll always be there for him etc...

Answer 5

At this age , every teen-ager thinks he is becoming a man or has already become a man with all maturity.It's hard to impose anything on him.Be cool and allow him for a year or two understand realities of life.It's a very risky age for young ones and it's highly difficult to handle the behaviour he is showing towards you.
Just try to remain cool and ignore some of his ill mannered approach .......

Answer 6

Tell him that just because you have your own family does not mean that he is not still included in your family.
Tell him that you want to spend some alone time with him to get to know who he really is and maybe invite him to holidays with your family, tell him you want him to be included in your family activities and you would like him to spend more time over at your house getting to know everyone.
Maybe he thinks you dont see him as a "real person" try not to treat him as another child, but like a sibling whose thoughts and opinions are equal to everyone elses.

Answer 7

Try to get some one who is close to him and try to convince him through that friend. Don't hate him for what ever he does. He shall come to you as he is bound to realise that he needs you and other family members. Just pray to God . He will help you. My good wishes to you.

Answer 8

Wait'll he needs something. His siblings are the first people he'll call and talk about how "important his family is to him."

Answer 9

he is at the age for rebellion
dont worry about it
just be there for him
and soon he'd know that you also want to be his friend

Answer 10

if he is getting "extremely violent" with you, you need to back off....
talk to your parents about getting him counseling.