Dont speak to mother?

Question

Ok it has been over a year since I have spoke to my mother it is alot of history she does not enjoy being a grandmother , she has four daughters and does not like any of our husbands we have always had our disagreements the final straw was when I rented a house from her I had not been there a month, when her husband worked on the hot water heater and did not fill it with water the house burned I lost everything my family was not home thank god two days after the fire she asked me if I was going to get it cleaned up I was floored and told her that is what is done through her insurance she felt it was mine to handle not only did I lose everything she took the ins money and remodeled her kitchen what should I do am I wrong to not have a relationship with her or is she just poison to me

Answer 1

Wow. Could she be more heartless? She reminds me of my mother! But, no, yours is several degrees worse. We do not talk to my mother much, my brother almost never talks to her. I think you are safe to have no contact because it is just too painful to deal with someone who lacks empathy as completely as she does and someone who is entirely filled with self-interest. It is also so strange to live life with that while the social norm is supposedly the nurturing mother, not the one who eats her own young, as it were.
Your goods would have been covered by your renter's insurance, but you were certainly not responsible for the cleanup. You could have sued her husband, but that would have been painful and ugly and then you would have had to make them pay the settlement - ugh!
But - she is not a nice person and a worse mother. It is a problem when society encourages motherhood on the emotionally unequipped. So I would not deal with her at all - spend your time trying to reach a place where you can at least forgive her internally for not being perhaps capable of the support and nurturing you needed. Now they recognize a total lack of empathetic response as one of the earmarks of autism, so perhaps someday they will help people who cannot see the needs of others - they are blind to it. Try to reach a level of peace with it for your own sanity, but you do not need to subject yourself to her presence.

Answer 2

Having Renters Insurance would have been the thing to do.

She isn't responsible for replacing all you lost!!!! But doing the clean up is for her to do. You, however, are going to be out of all you lost......

Sometimes it does take a while for these types of wounds to heal, but sometimes they never do,,,,,,and that is a rift you will have to deal with in time.
Knowing she is like this, to not only you but to the other siblings, it shouldn't have surprised you of her oversight.
Is the part of "you feeling terrible" over what's happened affecting her at all??? And if not, then you need to fix you and leave her out of your life until she gives you reason to enter back into again.
Some parents just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and demand respect or honor, even when they aren't holding up their end. She has probably been this way her whole life and doesn't think any differently about it all, so it's not bothering her to be this way,,,,but it is bothering you. So who's the one being hurt here????

Answer 3

My mother-in-law was just like that. I used an old kitchen range of hers and it just gave up. She was furious. She had used it 20 years and there was NOTHING wrong with it. I and her other daughters-in-law were all hated. I didn't need that so I never saw her again. The other ladies kept trying to no avail. Some people can never be pleased so if it continues do not keep beating your head against that stone wall.

Answer 4

Your situation is very difficult. It is a blessing that your family was spared in the fire, even though you lost everything else.

However, the best people to ask first are your sisters. How do they cope with your mother?

Answer 5

Yikes! Mommy dearest! Maybe you should just send her a nice Christmas card and go slow in re-establishing contact. Sometimes our parents disappointment us. Some people are just really bad at being parents. Forgive her and get on with your life.

Answer 6

I think you know your relationship with your mom, do you miss her, think of your life with her in it and how your life is now without her in it...Sometimes we just need to put distance between us and certain people, and there's nothing wrong with that. Do whats good for you like she did what was good for her. If you do choose to contact your mom do it knowing that she most likely hasn't changed and except her back
knowing that.

but this is a decision only you can make

Answer 7

She's poison.

Answer 8

SUE