help....my daughter wont sleep without me?

Question

The only way I can get my 21 month old to sleep at night or during the day at nap time is to lay with her. Ive tried the cry it out method it doesnt work....all she does is get outta bed and bang on the door screaming. If that doesnt work then she shoves her hand in her mouth till she pukes......I dont think that there is a huge problem with this because I do love to lay with her and "cuddle" however in 3 months when I have a newborn it may not be feasible to lay down with my toddler. PLEASE I AM OPEN TO ALL SUGGESTIONS.

its not feasible because she wants to lay on top of one arm and have the other on top of her. Not to mention I have to snuggle my whole body up to her. I wonder if she has security issues

Answer 1

I have a two year old with the same problem which is now getting over it, and this is how I did it. I'm 9mos pregnant now and by the time I was 7months it was uncomfortable to lay with her so I did this. It may sound odd but it worked I would lay with and get her dad to lay in the floor also. gradually I told her she was a big girl and we were going to play a game only big girls could play and the game was to each night move about 5 inches away from each other soon we were not touching but only holding hands while she slept. then I moved to the floor holding her hand until she feel asleep. Then dad came in when she feel aslepp he held her hand while I went to bed because being pregnant and sleeping in the floor doesn't feel great. When she would drifet off to sleep he woould let go of her hand and leave the room. She never knew a thing. In the begining should would wake up when he left and would come crying so my husband and I both took her back to her room and we told her when she comes to our bedroom crying both of us will put her back but then only dad stays, and he sleeps in the floor with no hand holding. We told her that she was not acting like a big girl so her punishment was that dad would sleep in the floor but she could not get a hand hold. eventually when we would turn out the lights she would go off to sleep before we could even lay down in the floor because she was use to be the only one in her bed. So at that point we would just go to our bedroom. Now she sleeps all by herself. This whole process took about 2 months for us.

Answer 2

I was really worried about that with my 2 1/2 year old. I just laid down with him (sad to say on the couch) and left when he went to sleep. I used to wake up with him in my bed almost every day, but now it's unusual to find him there. I have a two month old and when my attention is needed with him when my 2 1/2 year old is tired, there can be a lot of tears. I just offered an arm around him and when he's done with his fit he happily accepts it. The fits aren't lasting as long now either. Just try to lay down with her just after you put the little one down at around bedtime. It will time itself out for the most part. I've only had problems when my little guy gets gas and isn't sleeping soundly and when we were all sick. Good luck, prepare for the worst because when it's better than that you'll wonder why you'd thought it'd be so hard.
By the way, that's exactly how I have to lay with mine. When you can only offer one arm, say something like come here I want you in a playing sort of way. He sometimes runs off laughing and eventually comes to me with no tears. Doesn't always work, but certainly makes him feel loved and wanted.

Answer 3

My 4 yr old is doing the same thing to me.She wont go to bed unless I am next to her.Then when she falls alsleep Ill go to my room,then sometime durning the night she will crawl in our bed.She has been doing this since she found out that shes gonna be a big sister soon.But yet she is excited that shes going to be a big sister.I think they are afraid that they wont get the attention when the baby gets here so they are wanting us to sleep with them

Answer 4

Is there someone in the house besides you who can handle it. My wife is the 'cuddler' and our son loves it. He knows how to pull her strings. With me he knows that NO MATTER WHAT I am there but I will not touch him or pick him up so crying is not effective and we have had stare down matches till 3 in the morning, or I just fall asleep on the floor and he figures it out.

I had to lock our doors to keep my wife from coming in to rescue him, but over time you just move further away, eventually you leave for a minute, then come back and say "Im here, see Im not leaving". Then gradually increase the time, 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes....BUT NEVER GIVE IN, PICK UP, PUT IN YOUR BED etc. Eventually they will be exhausted, as will you, and fall asleep. If they make it to your bed, dont say anything just pick them up and put them back in their bed.

Yes this is exhausting, but over time, they learn that they can cry and make a fuss all they want to, it still results in them being in their bed. Yes we had to clean up several pukes, change all the sheets, etc...this is part of the process, I usually would sing or something when it got to the pre-puke stage...seemed to 'change the subject' if you will.

Now, we do our bedtime routine (also very important you do this the same pattern every night so you are setting expectations), and he is ready. We say goodnight to each of his bedtime toys, I plop him down and walk out and he doesn't even peep.

Answer 5

I recommend picking up the book, Nighttime Parenting by Dr. William Sears. It's important to understand what her physiological night time needs are, and whatever you do, *take your time*. It took time for her to get used to what she is doing now, it will take time for her to learn something new. She's no fool, she knows where the best sleeping is! Crying it out is harmful, it releases stress hormones in her body that are damaging. The book will help you figure out ways to help her get to sleep without trauma, and find ways to make bedtime work for the whole family. Good luck!

Answer 6

I feel for you....I had similar problems with my 2 year old until recently. I purchased a book called "The Sleepeasy Solution" (found at barnes & noble or at www.sleepyplanet.com). Seriously, it has made all the difference in the world!! From night 1, when I first tried their plan, he only cried for about 20 minutes total and has slept thru the night ever since, and he also falls asleep on his own (had to rock him before). Their method is very gentle and very easy. Give it a try, Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

My son is the same way he still wants to lay with me its just me and him it might be security issues right she will probably grow out of it my son is getting a lot better is her room decorated with allm of her favorite things that can comfort her in a good way.oh by the way my son is 6

Answer 8

Read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child...it will change your life! You MUST be consistent though.

Answer 9

sounds like a huge problem when she puts her hand in her mouth to puke. i have no idea. bring her to a child therapist. youve got your work cut out for you. i would tell you just to keep her in her room but if she is making herself vomit i don't think there is any healthy way besides therapy

Answer 10

I went through the exact same thing with my son. We ended up having to do the crying it out method. She will not gag herself forever. Maybe you should consult with your pediatrician. Our pediatrician was very helpful and I want to kiss her everytime I see her now because she has made our lives so much easier and bedtime is so much easier. My son even tells us when he is ready to go to bed now.