I am curious if any women would admit to feeling regretful of having had children? I've often heard that it's the 'moments' that make it all worth while. Are those times truely worth all of the effort that you have put forth into raising them? Or do you think that it has been a hinderance in any way? Career, travel, Opportunity... (I am 27/no children and still undecided on having any.)
2007-12-10 13:36:45 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
~ I am truely impressed by all of the insightful & sincere responses that I am receiving. All of your thoughts and stories are very much appreciated! ~
2007-12-10 14:10:40 · update #1
My boyfriend moved out when I was pregnant. I had to raise my son alone, no child support. It was hard..really hard. It was the greatest thing I have ever experienced,ever done, ever will do and I don't regret a single second. Yes, I would be financially much better off. May have advanced more in my career, might own a home and maybe would have still been with his dad, but nothing in my life could mean more than my fantastic son. He is now 21, and still the light of my life.
2007-12-10 13:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Truly I don't. I had my first at 20, second at 23 and third at 36. I did have some pangs when I found out I was prego with #3. My plan was that my baby would turn 18 when I was 41 and the rest of my life was supposed to be about me. That's not going to happen. As soon as I got into the pregnancy those pangs faded. I am enjoying #3 so much more than I did #1 or #2 (wisdom, age, experience). I have chosen to stay home with all of them when they are little so my career is on hold (and I was just starting to make some strides there). My travel has been curtailed by the baby and the funds he takes up (plus my lack of income). Children are definitely a hinderance for those two aspects of my life. But I don't regret it still. Those things will still be there when my baby is bigger. Truly parenthood is what you make of it, how much you appreciate it and participate in it. I wouldn't trade my 3 kids for anything (sometimes I would consider renting out my 17 y/o son for a while though ;-)
2007-12-10 22:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I did not have a single moment when I would regret it. I quit my career to stay at home with kids, and though it turned out to be a completely wrong decision, I never regretted it for a moment. If I were to make my choices again, I would chose the same again. It's damn hard, but every moment is worth it. Now my younger one is almost 3, and I'm trying to start a new career, and I'm doing well. And I started travelling again, and dating again, and having all that fun that I used to have before marriage and kids. It was not the end of my life, it was just that I spent several years of my life doing another very important thing.
2007-12-10 21:51:34 · answer #3 · answered by Tusia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm regrets? Well I do not regret my child at all but there are a lot of things I did at one time regret... I regretted that I was not married, I did not have my education, I had JUST turned 19, I had no home of my own, and that I did not feel that I could take care of a child.
Now let me tell you, all of those "regrets" are NOT about my child but what I wanted to provide for her. She is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. And not I regret so many stupid regrets!!!!! They have taken way to much time away from the fun I can have with her. I don't regret anything now, I know I am not rich and I am not perfect but you know what? I don't care because every night when I tuck my 2 year old daughter in she tells me that she loves me. You want an idea what what those moments are that moms talk about all the time?
Me: Good night Marion
Marion: Good night mamma
I give her a kiss
She grabs my face, one hand on each cheek, and kisses my nose.
I kiss her teddy
Me: Good night Rumpel
Marion: can you read me a book mamma?
I read the book
Marion: one more?
I read this one too
Marion: one more mamma?
Me: no it is bed time and you need your sleep
I stand up to leave, at the door I turn to her before I turn off the light
Me: Good night Marion I love you and Rumple (her bear)
Marion: I love you mamma
She says this as she is rolling over huging her bear and closing her eyes
I turn off the light and shut the door
Now please tell me how anyone could regret that?
No, no more regrets for me!!!
2007-12-10 22:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by iceniequeen 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I was very regretful for the first 5 years. Now he's 10 and I feel I have "grown" into the role. When people talk about the "terrible two's" they are not kidding. I wanted to give the kid back to the stork, but I didn't. If you are not they type of person who is willing to sacrifice, do not, I repeat, do not have children. This is a serious endeavor and you are responsible for another human being's development. It is challenge, to say the least. But I will say this....there is no love like the love you feel for a child. None. You don't know what love is until you have a child and truly love that child. This makes it all worthwhile.
2007-12-10 21:55:49 · answer #5 · answered by Guess Who? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had my girls at 25yrs and was extremely angry when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had a plan all worked out and having kids wasn't suppose to happen for another 3-4yrs...and I would be expecting 1 baby...not 2.
On Nov 3, 1989, I gave birth to 2 beautiful baby girls and from that moment I saw them until this very day, I have no regrets when it comes to them. Over the years they've made me scream until I didn't have a voice and laugh until my stomach hurt. Yeah, my life didn't go as I planned. I couldn't pack and go to Rome in a moments notice or stay out all night weekend after weekend...but honestly...I don't think my husband and I would have done either of those anyway.
My only regret when it comes to kids is that I didn't have more.
Best Wishes
2007-12-10 22:03:25 · answer #6 · answered by Marie R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, in all honesty, the only time I ever felt anything CLOSE to regret was when I thought to myself about what my life would have been like without my daughter - what career would I have had? Would I have re-enlisted with the Army?
I must say that I am incredibly grateful for my daughter and those thoughts immediately lead me to the grand realization that my life is much better with my baby around.
However, I don't think it's wrong to have regrets as long as they are overwhelmed by feelings of gratitude and love for one's children. Once the line is crossed to where someone is preoccupied with regret, it becomes a problem.
2007-12-10 21:47:37 · answer #7 · answered by Maggie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am 20 and I have a daughter, I wish I waited longer, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It is so worth the effort, teaching another human to walk, talk, and be their own person is the most rewarding thing ever. The only hinderance is that I can't just go do whatever I want when I want.. but it's so worth it. I'm hoping to have atleast three more!
2007-12-10 21:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Jake 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have no regrets whatsoever! I will tell you though, in my case, my children did push back my plans a little bit. But, I am currently working on them now and I would not change a thing. Parenting is all worthwhile to me. I think very few people will say they have regrets when it comes to their kids, because they do not feel that way. It is better to be prepared for a child but, stuff happens. That is the good thing about humans, we are very adaptive creatures!
2007-12-10 21:49:16 · answer #9 · answered by lexichic66 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have regrets per say when it comes to having my kids. I ADORE them and they're my LIFE but I just...sort of wish...all my children were born 2yrs later. I had my first at 24yrs old and wasn't really ready for kids. I had gotten married 2yrs prior and was just getting use to him being around. I wish I had had more time to settle down, get use to my marriage, find a home, get use to my career etc. My husband and I rushed all of that stuff and made sure our careers were set, bought a house, moved, fianced stuff and had a kid all in 6ms. Then it was like, "Ok, that's all done with. Wanna have more kids?"
Here I am now, almost 35yrs with 4 munchkins. Do they drive me crazy at times? Yup. Do they think it's funny to do so? Yes sir. Are there times when I turn to my husband and say, "4?! What we're we thinking?" You bet. But the hugs and kisses I get, the "first" moments, their smiles, laughs, pictures they bring home...hearing I love You... and a million other things out number the "bad" moments by a million. You'll surprise YOURSELF looking back on the stupid and embarassing things you did to make them smile for a moment.
As for travel and opportunities, there wasn't a whole lot I wanted to do, and what I wanted to do, I did. I'm not one of those people who say, "Man, I wish I did ___________ and I can't until _____ moves out of the house so I can do it." 18yrs is a looonnng time when you're waiting for something. As for my career, this is the first and only year I am/will be a stay at home mom. I had my youngest in August and decided to take the year off. I'm a teacher and I teach anywhere from 3-5hrs while my kids are at school. I love it and I'm not really missing anything at home. The baby will be sleeping, my 3.5yrs will be in school....
Being a mom was something I always wanted to do. I love kids. But being a mom isn't something EVERYONE wants to do and I completely understand that. I have friends from high school who have no interest what so ever when it comes to kids and would rather work, travel and spend time with their husband. If that's what you want to do, go for it! That was just something I never had any interest in. I love my husband, but if it was just he and I 24/7....lol
I'd suggest before having kids to get 80-95% of what you want to do completed. Travel the world, set up a career, get married, buy a house, buy an island, join the circus whatever. I hate hearing people say, "I wish___________." because having regret is a pain in the butt. If you find yourself saying, "Ya know what, I don't really want kids.", that's your choice. Go with your gut.
Best Wishes =]
2007-12-10 21:48:01 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋