Spanking harder?

Question

My four year old Hayden, was getting ready to go to bed and I said you need to brush your teeth now, after five or so minutes of debate. and she said uh mom i dont want to and i dont have to!
i said: brush your teeth now!
hayden: like i have to
i said: hayden your getting a spanking after you brush your teeth.
hayden: i dont care it's not like it hurts then she proceedeed to run and i just waited for her to stop, i finally picked her up by her pajama bottom pulled it down and gave her eight swats on her undies
i told her that her dad would give her a "harder" one in the morning.
should i start giving her bare bottom spankings? how many swats should i do?
i feel like im always spanking my kids.

Answer 1

Yes you should spank harder...if you are spanking and it is not solving the problem, then you are not doing it right. Spanking is not a form of communication, it is a punishment and it should be unpleasant. 4yo is plenty to understand that you need to do what mommy says. Tug her little panties down and spank hard enough to turn her butt red. She'll get the idea. And don't negotiate with a child, tell her once, then punish her and make her do it anyway.

Answer 2

get her dad to hit her on her but 700 times with a belt hard as he can then get a switch that is very bigg and get him to beat her bottom then make her sleep in the yard naked and every morning spank her in the yard naked until she bleeds and then make her literaly eat 7bars of soap and if she dont spank her as hard as u can with a sharp brier and lock her out of the house fullly naked for 4 weeks no food or water then fill a tub with ice to the rim then make her get in it for 3 days no getting out then ammediantly get her out them wipp her hard as u can over a chair 7000 times exactly..

Answer 3

1) Try cutting out the debate part. You give the "command" and follow through. Tell her that she has two choices a) does what you've asked or b) gets swatted and can stand in the corner for 5 minutes.
2) Undies aren't going to make a big difference, what will make a big difference is spanking just hard enough to cause a bit of redness. Practice on Daddy (not like that sickos) and he can tell you if it's too hard or not.
I'm a nanny (only 5 more months TG!) The oldest is 7 she's the trouble maker, the 3 yr old has some non-functioning links in there somewhere and the 16 month old is usually cuddles and sunshine. The older two learned after the first time that unlike mommy and daddy I stand on what I say. Here's our typical "trouble" routine.
1) One of the older two (sometimes both) do something completely retarded and occasionally dangerous: IE jumping off the bed, onto the easy chair and then into a plastic tub.
2) They get 1 warning. I catch them jumping and I inform them of what will happen if I catch them again.
3) I catch them again. I don't say anything other than "corner".
4) If they repeat the misbehavior after released from the corner they get the amount of swats as their age and returned to the corner for a time out.

(Their parents are fully informed and support the discipline. Neither kid has any issues because of it and they have dramatically improved not only behavior wise but in other areas of their lives)

Answer 4

I spank but i bet your going to get some negative feed back on this one!But I would say no in answer to your question.And one spanking is enough.Try not arguing with a 4yr old.Give her one warning that she has been asked to do something and if she doesn't get it done now that she will pay the consequences.If she doesn't immediately get to it deliver the consequence right there on the spot.I think 8 swats for a four year old is excessive(3-4 max).Now if you are angry then this idea won't work.The consequence would need to be something else.Spanking should not be done because your angry and wanting to vent (although I completely understand)it should only be one tool for you to use in disciplining you daughter.
Another option might have been to have picked her up and walked into the bathroom and said its time to brush(refuse to let her out of the bathroom until she has complied),don't argue with her don't even talk to her except to state clearly once what it is you want her to do and what it will take for her to leave the bathroom.Good luck

Answer 5

Clearly, spanking isn't working (it works for some but not for others) and the only thing you are doing by getting mad and yelling is telling your kids they have won the battle by making you react in a way that you wouldn't normally. AKA...they enjoy ticking you off because it is so easy. My children learned that I only ask twice. The first is a please order, the second is a do it now order and the third time is made unpleasant by my brushing their teeth for them or losing something they value until the next day or losing a trip or birthday party. Another tactic is to show them how it feels. Move on, the next time they are asking you to give them a snack, just ignore them. After a little while, you can say..."see, how does it make you feel when you ask nicely for something and the person you are talking to ignores you or treats you ugly?" My children range in ages between 3-13. The main thing is to make sure they understand that every choice they make has a reward or consequence. Such as you acted nicely so we read an extra story tonight or you did not do what you were asked so we don't get to read at all. I have taken them to the dentist and they have started thanking me for not giving in to their constant whines for junk food and sodas because the dentist says things about how beautiful their teeth are. I know it doesn't feel like it but it will pay off in the long run when your children think and act for themselves and know that whatever the choices are made, they were their own choices and they get to reap the benefits or consequences of those choices. Too, telling your child to just wait until dad gets home takes away your authority. What you say is not what your child is hearing. She just heard you say, "Mom has no authority here. Only what dad says goes." Leave dad out of it. That little phrase is a huge part of the problem. Discipline with a smile if you can. Let your child know that what they do affects them and not you. I have this really wonderful book that was given to me one year. Check it out at the library, overstock.com, or zooba.com. It is called Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline, MD & Jim Fay. I found myself in this funny book of trial and error and a new way to parent my rowdy bunch.

Answer 6

I do believe in spankings and yes there's a time for barebottom spankings. I think 10-20 should be the norm for a spanking depending on age. I don't agree with double punishment though. You already spanked for not brushing her teeth you do not need for the dad to spank her again in the morning.

Answer 7

Your child is rebelling against you because you gave her something very concrete to rebel against.

I don't recommend any more hitting for your daughter. If anything I recommend you let her walk all over you a couple times to let it out of her system.
Do you want brushing teeth to be an order, a threat, or do you want to make it fun and something she can be proud of. Keeping clean teeth is important. Does she know all the neat things about teeth? Dentists hate to cause children pain in the dentist's chair. Let's keep your child's teeth sparkling.

The more of an order you give anybody the more offensive it is. Children are human, too. Often times if you expect children are going to misbehave, they will. It is seen in your voice and your emotions.
"it is time to brush your teeth and protect them"
is much less offensive and who could argue with that
vs.
"go brush your teeth....NOW"

I'm not saying your child will ever LOVE brushing her teeth, but I think she is missing out on a lot of instruction and self-discipline by taking the route your going.

Nobody likes to be treated mean, I wouldn't put up with it, neither would you.So please don't hurt your child more. Take all the positive approaches to life you can.
Going to bed can be less of a chore if you can both get them excited about the next day, but calm them down to be able to experience all that the next day has to offer.
children start remembering quite a bit by the age of 4, I recommend you start positive parenting as soon as possible.

These power struggles become a problem when you make them obvious.
good luck.

Answer 8

I'm not at all opposed to spankings, but in your case it sounds like it might not work too well for your daughter. Don't forget, no one thing works the same on all children.
Personally I would have handled the situation slightly differently, something as simple as cleaning teeth wouldn't have needed as much conversation for me, at 8 years old I would expect to remind the child once and have them do it. I wouldn't tell them again, I would march them into the bathroom, clean their teeth for them, and straight to bed! I'm pretty no nonsense though :=/
I would try a different punishment such as losing toys or privileges.
Honestly, if spanking isn't working, I don't see the point in 'doing it harder', otherwise you'll get to the point where it just goes too far.
That's just my opinion though, it's up to you!
Merry Christmas :=)

Answer 9

OK with some kids spanking just does not work, I am a spanker just an FYI, my daughter is one of those kids that spanking works on but only SOME of the time. When it does not we do other things, taking away T.V. time works best with her. On the how many question, I NEVER do more than 3!!! I would not say that you should give her "harder" spankings because it sounds like she is just one of those kids that it does not work on.

Answer 10

I don't believe in spanking. Your teaching them nothing. Okay it may hurt but when your done their mad at you and it's over and they are off to play again. I think kids learn their lesson by doing something they don't like. For example say if your daughter really likes TV take the TV away for a week. absolutely no TV for that week. Ne exception. I consider spanking a abusive trait. I'm 21 and my parents spanked. now I have no respect for what they did and really don't want them to watch my children if they would do that to them. I just thank that it's a very poor way to discipline your children, and keep in mind spanking is like hitting your child. Try to find an alternative way of discipline.