My rebelling 16 year old daughter?

Question

She is a Jr. and not doing well in school at all. [5's] We have always talked to our children about the importance of their education. I consider our family pretty close, and very open to what ever comes our way. Most of our family and her friends thinks she's just a BRAT!!!! We do discipline her, but then she rebels even more. A few nights ago she called me a f------ b----
because we would not allow her to drive, and it was over the weekend, which mad her very mad. We reminded her about our agreement, and we were not changing anything. She has a very pissy additude about everything unless she gets what she wants all the time. My husband, and I are considering a girls home or boot camp. Which she tells us all the time to do her a favor, and get rid of her all the time. She thinks she has it terrible here, but yet no one else see's what she does, but a BRAT!! that don't appreciate anything. To let you know we have 4 children, and only 2 left at home. {Girls that are complete oppisite}

Answer 1

hey, I know bratty teens. lol, spend too much time helping out at my local highschool. When you are that age you just think that everything isn't fair, that adults dont understand and you don't realise how dangerous things are. When I hit that age, I was told to go out and find a job cause the money wasn't comming from them. That is a good thing to do, make her realise that things have finacial value. And if school isn't that important to her, strike a bargin with her lol bribe her if you will. This car thing? make her earn it through grades or hmwk assignements. And is it really that bad to be sending her away to boot camp? I don't want to say anything negative about it, but from what you describe she has attitude, but its not that bad. If she is running away from home and getting in fights and doing drugs... yeah go boot camp. But I think its a little extreme right now. Plus you do have to talk to her. and I mean TALK. No getting angry, no badgering it out of her. Ask her why and dont sound hostile. Parents tend to get frustraited with bratty teens.

Answer 2

i'm 15 and a sophomore in high school and i act just like your daughter, so she and i might do the same things for the same reason and you and my mother might be doing similar things as well, so here's a little insight into what she's thinking and what you should do.
i know it's going to be really hard but back off a little, because that's what she's always saying she wants right? so try giving her some space for a while. she needs to realize on her own that she does need some structure. only remind her to do chores or whatever other responisbilities she has when it's really nescessary. if you remind her when she gets home from school to do the dishes and it's now 8:00 and she still hasn't done them, then calmly tell her again. and maybe the first time or two, breifly point out to her that you've given her her space and trusted her to find her own time to do it this will make her realize that you are trying to change for her and she'll respect you a little more and feel like she should just do the dishes already! and it's important that you don't use any "but", because then she'll ignore the first thing you said and only concentrate on the "but", which won't make her think about how she's acting.
same with homework. if she hasn't done by, lets say 7:00 (probably an hour before her favorite tv show starts or something), ask her why she hasn't done her homework yet. if she says she's been "busy" and she's been on the computer or the phone or in front of the tv all day then just tell her you understand she has other things she wants to do but that she does have to make some time in her day to eventually get around to her homework. and don't offer to help her with it because every teenager i know hates that. also, keep an eye on her to make sure she is starting her homework, but try not to make it seem like you're watching her to make sure that she does it, because the rebel in her won't want you to know that (why? i don't know, but that's just the way we think.)
she knows she's being disrespectful but she's probably so stubborn she'll refuse to admit it. and she knows she's spoiled, but, again, she's stubborn.
so either when you're telling her to do her homework or thanking her for doing the dishes, be breif, but sincere, and get the point across. in time she'll learn to respect you more and you'll get a better understanding of her and your whole relationship will strengthen.
and please, just try what i'm saying. it's worth a shot, isn't it?
good luck! :)

Answer 3

What was your agreement with her?

I'm just curious. It probably doesn't make any difference.

I do have a very important question for you. Has she always acted this way or is this a recent development.

My daughter has a friend who has been acting this way for over a year now.

she has gotten so bad, even my daughter won't have anything to do with her even though they have been best friends since they attended the same day care as small children. My daughter and her friend are both 17.

About a year and a half ago, my daughter started telling me things her friend was doing.

Taking other peoples prescription drugs (other students who gave them to her) stealing prescription drugs from her mother's purse. Drinking during lunch hour at school, etc.

I'm not saying this is what your daughter is doing, but from what you describe, something serious is going on with her.

Get her tested. If all else fails, try the boot camp. Sometimes it takes an unsympathic person to make a kid realize just how good they have it at home.

And by the way, my daughter's friend's parents, totally didn't get it. The friend is still doing stuff she shouldn't be doing and still getting in trouble. I've known this girl since she was a child and I fear for her.

Good luck with your daughter.

Answer 4

Check with your local youth shelter about her doing some volunteer work there.Then,the next time she misbehaves and acts out,make her do it as part of her punishment.Maybe if she sees how lucky she has it compared to other kids who would love the chance to have her life,she will change.My daughter went through the rebellion at a fairly early stage,and is recently coming out of it.She is almost 15.Last year,she started a fight in the car.When it got to the point of screaming,I took action.We were less than a mile from home,and it was dark.She had been crabby all afternoon,and I knew a fight was coming.So,I took her a back way home that she was unfamiliar with.When it was so elevated,I pulled over and told her to get out.She couldnt believe it.I pulled around the curve (less than 1/8 mile) and waited for her.When she came around she was bawling.I let her get back in,and never had that problem again.She was scared,cold,and totally confused.You have to find something that is a shock factor for your daughter orshe will continue her tyraid.

Answer 5

It sounds like that all she wants is her friend back. It really doesn't sound like she's 'wanting' to be a druggie; the stress got to her, as it would to many people in her situation. I'd say that you give her a period of being grounded. Afterwards, let her spend time with her best friend. Despite the fact that the friend does do what she does, she was still a critical person in your daughter's life. Maybe you can allow the friend to come over to the house, and either you or your husband keep an eye on them, make them hang out in the living room, or her bedroom with the door wide open. And help her out with the stress. See if there's anything that she can drop. See if you can reduce her chores around the house so she doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

Answer 6

well, let's put it this way. what ever she is today is what you made her.
you say you discipline her, no you don't. she has been doing what she wants for years only now the bad behavior is worse. what did you expect? now you want to "send her away" so others can do the job you have refused to do.
you allowed her to become the young adult she is today...
perhaps you should have been disciplining her years ago instead of talking her into being a delinquent.
after she called you a f****** b**** what did you do??? if she had been my child she would be in her room, no TV, no radio, no phone, no books, nothing at all. she would have been in a well decorated prison. if you keep up the good work that you are doing today that is exactly where she will end up.

Answer 7

a rebelling stage is normal in most teenagers it usually just from being a brat or she just does not do what you tell her because she don't want to do, I know it sounds wierd but trust me, when your a teenager your hormones are going off and stuff like this happens. I have a brother whose son, who is 17 , is doing the same thing its mostley from him hanging out with the wrong people, he quit school.another reason for rebelling it's that she thinks that, even thow you dicapline her, she can get away with what ever she wants do to. the best thing you can do is to give her what she wants, especially the things can get her in big trouble, nothing to bad like her getting pregant at the prom or anything, just something that will hurt emotionally, and she'll find out that your telling her no because you love her and don't want her to get hurt , the answer to your question is some how to show her how much you love her or get her hurt.

Answer 8

Your daughter is out of control and has no sense of authority. It's evident in her behavior with you and also in her grades.

Since things are getting out of control, you should seek professional help. You know, a military school wouldn't be a bad idea. There was this kid I remember from my high school days that was a complete troublemaker. He was popular and very good looking, but would have no respect for authority. His parents finally sent him off to military school for a semester. When he came back, he was a COMPLETELY different person. I was shocked. His grades came up and he was well behaved.

Even though your daughter may not be willing to speak to a therapist, your husband and yourself can definitely go to one yourselves for help. You've tried everything else. It's time to take action.

Answer 9

She has it very good she had both of a parents in her life that's a blessing...will she is try to be a Paris Hilton so in a you caused that situation it time to be a parent and get it under control. Call her bluff take make the arrangement and send her or go down to your police station and speak to the Captain and they will help you set up something for you. You must be strong.

Answer 10

My daughter USE to be like this as well when she was 14.

She then stopped hanging out with this certain group of friends & now she's a sweet heart and her attitude has completely changed it's amazing. She's 17 now, although we still see the occasional old side of her when she really wants something but we can't get her. Not nearly as bad as she use to be though