My bf and his friend had sex with me while I was drunk, can he possibly do something like that and love me?

Question

We were both very intoxicated. All I remember was that I was dancing and he lifted up my shirt and showed his friends my breasts. The next morning he asked if I enjoyed the "threesome". I got really upsest and started crying and he said that he and his friend had sex with me but I don't remember a thing, I blacked out or was passed out. He said that it was all my idea and that I was begging for it. I have black and blue marks and bruises all over me so I know they were rough with me and it scares me because maybe I was trying to get them to stop. Part of me believes him though because I do act slutty when I'm drunk. Shouldn't he not have let this happen? I mean, he remembers everything so he obviously wasn't nearly as drunk as me and could've stopped it. I love him so much but I'm afraid he just thinks of me as a whore. I've been dating him for 8 years and this is the guy that I planned on spending the rest of my life with! I also think, (cont'd)

they may have had anal sex with me because of pain. Was this rape even if I initated it? I don't understand why I let him treat me badly. He has physically abused me and I think may have hit me yesterday too. I just don't know what I'll do if I lose him, I don't think I could go on. He means everything to me. I just feel so disrespected and like, a joke. His friend is going to tell everyone and then they'll be giving my bf a hard time and probably calling me a slut and maybe he won't want to be with me. I know I have a drinking problem and that is a big part of the problem. When he talked to me this evening, he said he felt like killing himself but it wasn't because of what happened but he's just very depressed. I told his Mom and she said that he's probably blue from drinking too much and not to worry but of course, I am. Anyways, I am a preety woman and when I'm not drinking, I'm a good person and very nice. Do you think guys will always just treat me like dirt though?

Answer 1

Honey, if you were drunk, whether you refused or not, it is still considered rape. No guy that truly cares about you would ever do that, drunk or not. That is just wrong. Go to the police and get some help. Don't take this the wrong way, but counseling could be a good idea.

Answer 2

I am wondering if there is more to this than just you getting too inebriated to know what was happening to you. I hope date rape drugs weren't involved in this encounter. Now the point here is that your boyfriend remembers what happened and he is telling you that you were asking for it. I think you should get away from this boyfriend if this is the sort of thing that he encourages and I agree with the other answers saying that it is rape and reportable too but you probably don't want to go that far. Yes get some counselling after you dump this nasty person that you have been dating for 8 years.

Answer 3

If he loves you he would not have encouraged this to happen, frankly it would be his job to protect you, and this is not protection. After 8 yrs if this is all you mean to him, I would move on and fast. He is a creep. What happened was rape any way you look at it.

abusers will use lines such as they will kill themselves if you leave, I wonder how much other "grooming" this guy has done to you in 8 years. If there is a YWCA near you go talk to them, they offer counseling and help for women in these types of situations. Also, RAINN.org has an online help line for someone to talk to, there is also a Toll-free 24-hour Hotline: [phone]-HOPE
URL: http://www.rainn.org
Please do not wait until it happens again. Next time it may not just be bruises, and these actions have nothing to do with love or even sex.

Answer 4

people that love you don't take advantage of you when you're drunk. They PROTECT you, look out for you. How can any guy love you at this moment? It's evident to me that you don't even love yourself. I have many male friends, most i've known since childhood, others recently met in college - at times they can be rude, obnoxious, hilarious, and brave. Never have they ever assaulted me while drunk. And if they did, I would go downtown and file a police report and never speak to them again. If you don't respect yourself, don't cry the blues when no one else does. "Drunk" is not a "free pass" to act like a sl*t, a mean drunk, a rapist or anything else. Learn to control your behavior and if you can't -- don't drink excessively around men. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

that was VERY wrong of him to do this to you. obviously you were VERY drunk and you could'nt have known what was going on. I dont think its normal that he would let his FRIEND have sex with the girl he loves. 8 years is a long time and it sounds like you guys are very serious but maybe you guys need some time right now for him to realize what he did was wrong. this will show him that you really dont want this to happen again and if he doesnt want to lose you he wont let it. I would maybe not get so drunk with more than your boyfriend that could help you with all the confuzion haha.

Answer 6

That's called rape hun. You have no idea what really went on and if this is something you would never do while sober then its assumed you would have said no. Since you were drunk and were in no shape to give consent its rape.

Do you really want to be with a man who knew what was going on and let it happen? That's not loving or respectful.

You really do need to consider doing a police report and get some counseling for yourself. And please since you now know what happens when you drink don't do it anymore.

Answer 7

First and foremost I am so sorry this happened to you if this is something you do not want on your personal record. I believe that one of the most important things in ones character is to respect oneself. If he cannot protect your image or best interest do you think he would be a great candidate for a husband. If he can share you with a friend do you think he thinks your special? Being drunk and knowing you are means he needs to protect you . Don't you want to be protected? Can he do that for you? These are all questions that would lead up to making a decision. Only you know what you want in a man. Be confident and decide on your own.

Answer 8

This guy does NOT love you! If he were telling the truth and you were "begging" for it, if he really loved you he would have refused on the grounds that you were drunk and talked to you about it when you were sober and asked you if you really felt that way. Obviously you have some self-esteem issues if you have let him abuse you in the past. YOU NEED COUNSELING!! This guy will just continue to abuse you as long as you stay with him. Get Away!

Answer 9

It sounds like you're not getting much respect in this relationship. Do you really want to stay in a relationship where something like this happens? Sure he was drunk too, so his judgement was bad, but it does sound like they took advantage of you.
Chalk the 8 years up to experience and use what you've learned to find a better relationship in the future. Allow some time in between to just be on your own and get to know yourself and what you really like. Take care of yourself.

Answer 10

No man who truly loves you would allow you to be abused in this manner. He not only took advantage of you when you were drunk, he allowed SOMEONE ELSE to do it too! Please re-think staying with this man at all, let alone for the rest of your life. His behavior says that he is unworthy of you.
And lay off the booze, if you can't tell what happens when you have been drinking, then you do have a problem with alcohol. You need to take better care of yourself too.