Food Spoilage Tests (Holiday Reminder)?

Question

(Finally, a way to know what to pitch and what to save!)

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

BREAD
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

SALT
It never spoils.

CEREAL
It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.

LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

EMPTY CONTAINERS
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.

UNMARKED ITEMS
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

Answer 1

I am going to copy this and put in on my refrigerator as a guide!

Answer 2

ODOUR - "off odours" are smells (sometimes like rotten eggs) that are produced when bacteria break down the protein in food, (usually fatty foods). This process is called putrefaction. Taints due to flavour change may also occur. SLIMINESS - Food becomes slimy as the bacterial population grows. Moulds may also form slimy whiskers. DISCOLOURATION - Foods can become discoloured by microbial growth. Some moulds have coloured spores that give the food a distinctive colour, for example, black pin mould on bread, or blue and green mould on citrus fruit and cheese. SOURING - Foods go sour when certain bacteria produce acids. A common example is when milk sours from the production of lactic acid. GAS - Bacteria and yeasts often produce gaseous by-products that can affect food. You may have noticed meat becoming spongy, or packages and cans swelling or having a popping or fizzing sound on opening.

Answer 3

Really good. I do love the science experiments in the fridge but when they have hair AND teeth, then it's time to clean out the fridge.

Happy Holidays

Answer 4

Haha I always find miscellaneous containers in my fridge and things in the freezer that have turned into a block of ice.

Answer 5

Hee..hee..hee... i'l keep this notice besides my fridge..but keeping a hamster near the fridge? Naaah...it'll last few minutes..my dogs love to swallow these fellows.....

Answer 6

This is great. Too bad my grandpa can't see or smell well enough to follow these rules!

Answer 7

OMG, that was hilarious!! I have to remember not to eat while I'm reading your jokes. I just sprayed my computer screen with oatmeal!!!

Answer 8

Good and interesting!
Happy Holidays!

Answer 9

if i keep reading your stuff, " thank you " just wont be enough for all the giggles your things give me. God bless

Answer 10

interesting!