she's a really sweet girl and i like her alot, but, at Thanksgiving she sat down at the table by herself before all of the food was ready and just started eating! i didn't say anything because i didn't want to embarrass her in front of the other guests, but i thought it was really rude. she's 20 yrs. old and was raised in a very disfunctional home, where table manners were not important, so maybe she just doesn't know any better, but, it's important to me, especially because i worked very hard to make everything really nice. should i say anything or just let it slide?
2007-12-10 10:07:17 · 56 answers · asked by lily 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
just tell her to wait whilst you are getting the food ready or even better ask her to give you a hand .. that way she wont be seated till last saves embarrassment
2007-12-10 10:11:31 · answer #1 · answered by Tamara D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is pretty rude. Okay, so, she's from a disfunctional home, but she's also 20 and should know better. It would be different if she was 10 and did that...then you can say, it's okay because her family didn't teach her...but she should know on her own. I agree with your decision to not say another to her on Thanksgiving, but maybe tell your son to point it out to her...tell her she shouldn't of done that...because she will do it again. Not only at your home, but elsewhere, and telling her it's rude will benefit her, too.
2007-12-10 10:14:12 · answer #2 · answered by Samantha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is take this girl to lunch, and have a nice 'talk' about her 'bad table manners' and offer to HELP HER how to act at a table ... during a 'family meal,' during a 'holiday meal,' and at a 'formal dinner.' Tell her before you offer this 'help' that you really like her, and you don't want her to be 'embarrassed' ... and that you know that her family was dysfunctional and didn't teach her these 'very simple things' that can make eating with others a much more pleasant thing for her ... if you are NICE and don't 'put her down' then you should be able to help this poor girl ...
I have one other thing to say about 'bad manners' though ... my husband was a professional chef, and he cooks the most AMAZING dinners for us every night ... but he eats EXTREMELY FAST and spills food all over himself ... which doesn't matter to me, because he has so many wonderful things about him ... but I've learned to 'talk with him' and get him interested in talking more than eating so he'll slow down when we are eating in a restaurant ... except when we are at a restaurant owned by a chef-friend of his ... then I just sit back and watch the two of them ... they are good friends who both have TERRIBLE manners ... but their cooking is so wonderful that I don't care!
2007-12-10 10:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tough question. She clearly doesn't know any better, and you seem like a nice lady. There are a couple of ways you can take care of this.
One, you can, if you feel comfortable, sit down with her outside the familial group and offer to help her. Tell her you know her family might not have been entirely supportive, but you want to be, and, if she is interested, you're willing to be a "surrogate mother. Tell her she can confide in you to a certian degree and you will give her the benefit of your wisdom. Then broach the subject. By the way - I know some day your going to be in a situation where you're trying to impress someone over dinner. I noticed the other day at dinner, you sat down and started eating. No one said anything to me, we're family, but if your having dinner at your bosses house some day, that would be wrong. If your hungry before dinner at our house, come into the kitchen nd I'll feed you, at someone elses house, you might just have to wait. I want you to know this because you're such a nice girl and I know you'll go far, and someday you'll need this kind of info."
Or, you can coward out :) and tell your son to do it for you. Tell him your not critizing, You like her a lot, you just don't feel comfortable telling her, nor do you wish to make her uncomfortable. You want her to fit in, not just with the family, but with the world and you'd feel terrible if someone was rude to her some day because you'd kept silent.
2007-12-10 10:24:56 · answer #4 · answered by Cindy H 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow! I want your life! If you have so little to worry about that you are going to stew for over a week about someone's table manners, I have GOT to learn how to get a setup like that!
Take a deep breath and be thankful for the great position that you have. Then be glad that your son didn't bring home a crack-whore who is going to kick in your door in the middle of the night and steal everything that you own.
2007-12-10 10:15:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't say anything after the fact, but definitely say something descretely the next time you catch her in the act! When kids don't know better, and other mothers witness this, I think they should say something. I've had friend's parents chastize me for things. I've also seen my own mother (Emily Post-esque) offer suggestions to my friends as to their own manners. They've told me later they appreciate it.
This girl needs to know what she did was heinous in the ettiquette world. You don't have to be mean spirited about it, just gently tell her "ah ah ah-hands off the goodies until we've all said Grace." It will eat up your good feelings for this girl if you don't nip this habit in the bud. Plus, you are really doing her a favor by telling her this.
PS. Why on earth didn't you have appetizers out on Thanksgiving, king of eating days? :)
2007-12-10 10:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She sounds like she might need a mother. Maybe your son can say something (she may be mortified!), and for the next formal dinner, include her in the preparation. Have her help you set the table so she can learn the proper setting for formal meals, have her helping you stir the gravy or something so that she's feeling involved. She'll probably appreciate it. This is a way you could modify her manners without coming out and saying something.
2007-12-10 10:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by radha_6_4 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah I would try to talk to her about it. That would really bother me too but sounds like she doesn't know much better. Just tell her that it would make you really happy if she had better table manners and it would make meals easier to enjoy. Something like that. Or it might be less awkward to have your son talk to her. Have him explain to her that family dinners are important in his house and everyone has good manners etc.
good luck
2007-12-10 10:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by Sean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Years in the past a girl might sit down on the table and then take off her gloves. A gentleman might take off his gloves and then take a seat to dine.this is been going downhill ever considering that that prepare went out of trend. Mouth open mutually as ingesting, talking mutually as ingesting, is on no account completed. Knife and fork mutually on one facet of the plate once you have finished. straight forward issues make for a delightful eating journey for the two. I blame his father and mom, in all risk pigs an' all.
2016-11-15 04:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In circumstances like these, it's important to say in our home we will begin eating when everyone is seated and grace or a toast has been made. It's not rude and it gives her guidelines she obviously doesn't have. Everyone has to learn etiquette from someone.
2007-12-10 12:10:50 · answer #10 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say mention it, but only next time she does it, don't bring up the past. When you do say something, try and remember how she will feel that her boyfriend's mother thinks she has poor manners -- she will likely be mortified!
I would suggest saying in a soft tone so only you and her can heat "Exmuse me (her name) would you please wait for everyone else to be ready before you start eating?"
Something that is straight forward but not back handed, or rough.
2007-12-10 10:13:33 · answer #11 · answered by {:3) 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋