Wiccans/Pagans (or anyone else who can help), any spiritually uplifting thoughts to help with a death...?

Question

Hello, all:

I was told that the first Christmas after my mother died would be the hardest. I didn't realize that this meant that things would start getting really rough around the 10th of December. :-(

I'm having a very hard time with memories cropping up while I'm trying to work; I find myself crying at odd moments. Does anyone have any spiritually (or generally) uplifting thoughts and/or quotes that they'd like to share that might help me get through this rough patch? When someone close to you has died, how do you cope with sudden waves of grief?

I'm Wiccan myself, so Pagan input would be in keeping with my religion, but anyone is welcome to offer any words of comfort they think might be helpful.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to respond.

Also, my mother became Wiccan herself about six months prior to her death. The worship of the Goddess and the God brought her comfort, I think.

Answer 1

I just found out an hour ago via mail that my dearest friend in Holland died in her sleep. Ironically, her Xmas card is the last one to mail, and it is staring at me. I can't even throw it away yet, it seems such a betrayal. So, yes, the pain is almost unbearable, and after losing my parents, I can tell you it fades but never goes away.
Memories will always be there. Rightfully so. That is all we have left of loved ones in the end. But, looking back, remembering the fun times, the times around the table, the triggers that bring tears now...all were building to this time when she would pass on. To whereever your spirit wants her spirit to be. I am a Christian, so I am already talking to my dearest friend in Heaven. Is she there? I don't know, but no one has come back and said there is or isn't a Heaven, so I just go with what works for me. If I'm wrong, when I die, then I've had a good belief system that helps in these times for me. No belief system erases the pain. Even in the Bible, people grieved. It is a necessary thing to do if we truly loved someone. I don't grieve strangers; do you? There has to be an emotional connection. So I also find relief in remembering..."I truly loved this woman."
There will be times you want just an hour more with your mom, one more hug, one more talk. But in releasing them to their death experience, we grow in learning how to comfort ourselves. You probably didn't know you could experience such a deep feeling. You are learning more about yourself, that will carry over into other relationships. You have been wounded, and as you heal, you will make new memories. Never forgetting your mother, but loving others. Who will then grieve you.
This circle is necessary, but you MUST go through the grieving steps. Read a good book by Kubler-Ross or other death experts, and see that it is all in an order of coping. Anger, hurt, denial, bargaining, and eventually letting go to live again without her in your life.
Make a memorial for her, in your heart, in your home (it could be one item, such as a candle). I use my parent's cemetary, and as I pass I say hello to them everyday. I will use this Xmas card as a memorial to my friend. I will put it in a special place for as long as I need to grieve, and at some point my heart will know it is OK to move on.
Do mourn, because she was someone so special to you. But don't let the mourning get in the way of living. She wouldn't want that, and neither do you. When you feel the tears, shed them. Don't EVER repress a feeling because it will surface at some point, someplace else. Feel it now, while it is fresh, and over time it will be weaker and weaker
I lost a grandson 7 years ago, when he was 8. When I hear Eric Clapton's song about his son, I cry, yet. That tells me how much I loved my Antoine. Such a dear boy, but he is gone. My tears aren't. When will they stop? I don't question them, because they tell me of the depth of loving someone. I cry less each year, but I will and dont' want to forget.
Your trigger date of Dec. 10 by the way is because of the holidays. How wonderful it would be to have her here. But alas, she isn't so you will feel the grief during this time. Over the new year, it will ease until another trigger point. Be prepared for those triggers and plan ahead. Do something with a friend, travel, do SOMETHING because by doing nothing, you will have time to depress.
Have a good day, and love yourself, just as your mom loved you. Find a friend and share a moment. Hugs.

Answer 2

Well, I could tell you all of the things you already know about rebirth and all of that but the fact is that we are all still human and we will all still grieve. Wherever the souls of our loved ones go, be it heaven, summerland, or anywhere in between, we still have to deal with time and it is not on our side. We know we have the rest of our lifetime before we see them again, even if to them it is only a blink of an eye.

My best advice to you is to honor her memory. Depending on what age she was when she passed or how you most perceived her, perhaps you can set up an altar honoring the Goddess in Mother or Crone stage. Add everything you can that would be an element of your mom--her favorite flower, ritual tool, incense, pictures, etc. Breathe life into the altar. Talk with her, be with her, feel her near you....Tend to this altar every day, bringing the essence of your mother back into your life. In this way you can tap into the loving energies she left in everyone's life she touched. This energy is still here, all around you, you just have to tap into it.

Both she and the Goddess will help you through this time of grief. Blessed Be to you, my friend.

Answer 3

My pain is much less than yours, and reading that just stabbed me in the heart. I've been mourning and sad these last few weeks because I'm in the process of immigrating to Canada, and until my application is approved, I'm not allowed to leave and re-enter Canada. So this will be my first Christmas without all my family around, and it is heartbreaking. I miss everyone: my mother, especially, but my cousin and his newborn baby, everyone, I won't be able to see them again for a year, since they're not in a position to come up.

The thought of my mother dying, or my grandparents dying of old age before I can see them again wrenches my soul. What pain you must know! Perhaps it may be consolation that your pain has helped me put things into perspective. Perhaps it may be consolation to know that I share in your pain, if only a small part of it. You should know that I, and others here, have faith in you that you'll make it through this, and the time will come when you'll think of your mother with a bittersweet smile, joyously recounting stories and memories, ways that she impacted your life. The mannerisms, phrases, or other things you may have picked up from her will change from painful reminders into badges of pride, pride in her touch on your life. It may take some time, but you'll get there.

*hugs*

Answer 4

For me it wasn't the first Solstice/Christmas it was the first Father's Day.
I was working at a drugstore at the time and every time I sold a Father's Day card I wanted to cry, it didn't make sense as I was not sad at his crossing the last bridge in this life (if anything I knew that he was happier) but it happened anyway. It also happened at other unexpected times and yes it has gotten easier over the years. If anyone noticed my tearing up I told them, I can understand when someone needs privacy for their grief and yet remember that others will usually understand if you tell them.

I know in my heart that he is still around, now and then, just not in his old body.
Also remember everyone grieves for their own amount of time and in their own way.

Blessings

Answer 5

I don't know that I have any words of wisdom or sayings for you, but please know I lend you my support and thoughts. It is difficult to lose someone close to us, especially a mother. I have not lost mine so I do not know the grief you are experiencing. I think the first thing we have to remember is that we all have only a limited time to live, some longer then others, but still limited. Remember your mother for who she was, how she raised you to face the world on your own. Remember she did the best she could so that you would be able to carry on after she is gone. Remember the good time you had with her, how you depended on her. Remember all the good things she did. Try your best to not grieve for those times or be sad because they are gone with her. Be happy she was your mother, be happy you shared so much with her, be happy you had the years of your two lives together. Try to no longer put your mother in your life, but live you life knowing your mother is living it in spirit with you. You will never fill the void of you mother being gone because there will always be occasions that will remind you of her. However, know even thought your mother is no longer alive she is always here and will always be here. In one way or another her body will become a part of the earth and will somehow make itself know during the future life span if earth. It may be to support the growth of a beautiful flower, or the growth of a tall, strong tree, or perhaps good soil for food to grown in. I am not try to belittle your mother or make her death sound insignificant, but I am saying this to you because I think being a Pagan you are better understand what I mean.

Answer 6

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm Pagan as well, eclectic. I recommend you make an Ancestor Altar dedicated to her with momentos, photos, and candle and commune with her each day (morning and evening is best). I think that you will be able to feel her closeness more that way.
Also, please remember that she is not gone, but just a Prayer/Thought away and that she is with you always.
It isn't wrong or weak to cry or feel grief. As you said, it's your first Christmas without her- a time of family and good will. It will be difficult, but try to ride these waves of grief through. You'll wash up on the shore soon enough- feeling cleansed and refreshed and with a deeper and more enlightened view of things.
Blessings to you.

Answer 7

I'm also a Pagen. Even though I've never have had the hardship of experiencing the death of someone close to me, I know very many how have. The most important thing to remember (and many others have said this) is that they are always with you. Allow the knowledge of that to enter you heart and being, and allow that warmth to guide you through the rest of your life.

Think to yourself, "What would she say if they she saw me crying like this over her?"
That question often helps with regaining strength and the center of your life.

Also allow yourself the moment to grieve properly. Hiding your grief only prolongs the grieving process and it takes you longer to do deal with the fact that they are gone from this existence and has moved on to the next.

Answer 8

Prairie, it's perfectly OK to grieve the loss of your mother. This time of year tends to always be the hardest because you're going to miss her for the seasonal celebrations that she participated in. So, my friend, go right ahead and grieve and just know this, you aren't at all alone in your grieving. My mother died 8 years ago and I still miss her most around this time of year too. So, go right ahead and live in the grief. It's all a part of learning the things that we need to experience in this life's lesson.

Brightest Blessings,
Raji the Green Witch

Answer 9

We all need to experience the sadness we are feeling. It is important to realize that we all die, and that your mom left her body at the time that she did.

some thoughts from a website:
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/coping-with-death-dying.html?pageNum=3#1c25fcf5196a61102acacd98

The loss of a loved one and the likelihood of impending death from a terminal illness are among life’s most traumatic events. When death occurs or is imminent, people generally experience grief.

Grief is a normal and natural emotional response. A person who is grieving can experience a wide range of emotions including numbness, denial, confusion, shock, sadness, yearning, anger, despair and guilt.

Other initial and ongoing reactions that can be part of the grieving process include sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, headache, nausea, digestive problems, fatigue and/or avoiding people or places that remind one of the deceased. These emotions can occur both before a loved one’s death and afterward, even when the death is expected.

All of the emotional and behavioral reactions that typically accompany grief may continue for months. Some people may appear to move on in the grieving process, only to experience setbacks months later.

Tips for coping with death and dying include:

*Accepting personal feelings and seeking support from caring relatives and friends.

* Incorporating healthy lifestyle habits, such as eating a nutritious diet and getting adequate exercise and rest.

* Joining a support group for people experiencing grief.

* Being patient with oneself.

Something that helps me...
Its from my father who I lost 4 years ago, one day after Thanksgiving:
He always remembered the person who had died by expressing the feeling that now that person was in him---in his heart.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for your loss, Prairie crow.

Perhaps just.... go with the memories for awhile? Let yourself grieve. It doesn't go away but it does ease up. The memories start to make you smile eventually. Call on the deities to help ease your pain and give you the tools to deal with it. It is overwhelming right now but can get better.

The problem is anything said here can sound... trite and lame. Wish I could help and give you words of wisdom. Just know others are thinking of you and understand.