Okay, here's the thing: I'ma sophomore in college, and I don't drink, smoke, gamble, or have sex or any of that stuff. I don't care if other people want to do those things. That is everyone's own choice.
Anyways the other night my roommate was invited to go and play poker and drink beer and stuff, and he told his friends that I would go too before he even consulted me about it. I told him that I didn't want to go because I would have felt out of place, and then he told me that I was being stuck-up. He said that I was acting like I was "better than everyone else" because I didn't want to drink, which is NOT true. I don't CARE if he wants to drink and I don't look down on him for wanting to. I just prefer not to.
But now he seems to think that I'm trying to be some goody-two shoes guy who thinks he's better than everyone. How can I convince him that I DON'T think I'm better than him??
2007-12-10 09:38:30 · 18 answers · asked by Dee 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Well first and foremost, you can't control other people's emotions or actions. What they choose to feel/believe/do is entirely up to them, it will be up to him to change his perspective.
If he already knew that the types of things that were going on at that 'party' weren't things you were interested in then he should be more understanding. Maybe try to have a talk with him and just let him know where you stand. Let him know that it's because of your personal values/morals that you choose to not participate. You could, in retrospect, go to the catherings and just steer clear of the things you wish to not get involved in and if it gets boring you can leave, at least then you've made your effort.
I had a friend who always used to tell me that I was oh so self righteous and thought I was better than everyone else, for the first while I'd let it torture me, try to analyze how I was being this way and not understanding but then it was time to just let it go, I did what I felt was right and that was the end of it (if she didn't agree well then, tough cookies!). After a while I started to see that her saying these types of things to me was just her way of projecting her own shortcomings on me, that's where my wall came up and I decided that it would be best if I didn't see her until she changed her attitude towards me....I was very blunt about it and walked away, the sad part is that we aren't friends anymore. So really who was thinking they were better than anyone else???
2007-12-10 09:48:46 · answer #1 · answered by JD 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. It sounds like he is still angry- when he cools down, explain to him that you don't think any less of him, you just don't like to drink etc... and that being in situations in which others are make you uncomfortable. (And, understandable-- when you are sober, the drunken actions of other people, especially ones you do not already know, are not usually funny or entertaining... leaving you annoyed and bothered anyway, probably wishing you hadn't tagged along). Also, it was his mistake for telling his friends that you would go to the party-- he should have asked you first. Let him know that he needs to ask you before including you in on his plans. How did he know that you would want to go, or that you didn't have something else going on? If he does not seem understanding of the situation, that is his fault. You did nothing wrong. Explain to him that maybe you'll go next time if it is a different setting (and you feel comfortable) or that you'd rather first meet his friends without any alcohol involved-- that way you might get a better idea of how comfortable you'd feel in a party atmosphere with them. Good luck!
2007-12-10 09:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all.. ha ha i never knew how to spell goody-two shoes i always thought it was goody-too shoes of something but right back to the matter at hand:
I agree with you in the face that its not your fault and its totally unfair that your roommate would be angry at you for that. He might feel like an idiot because he told his buddies that you were going and if that's the case he is probably just doing what any normal Human would do and try to blame it on something. Though it may not be the most reasonable thing to do, it is human nature.
2007-12-10 09:46:22 · answer #3 · answered by fillial piety nighty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has no right whatsoever to arrange your social life for you. I like a drink and used to smoke but I have never ever played gambling games with cards. I do not know why but I just do not want to. Indeed I must be the only man who has spent a night in a casino and not placed a bet because I know the odds are stacked against you. I'd be hated in Las Vegas
2007-12-10 09:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by Scouse 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
F**K HIM,,,,
You don't need to prove nothing to him, if he wants to be narrowed minded like that, than let him think that, that's on him, you told him the truth and you live a certain lifestyle, if he cant accept that, then he has allot to learn in life and he needs to open his mind a bit that every person is a different individual, ask him how he would feel about going and hanging out with a bunch of people who don't drink at all, and see what he says........
2007-12-10 10:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ehm well he is being unreasonable first of all. You know that. Did you mention to him that he can't expect you to say yes everytime whenever he makes plans that include you before asking? Well in my opinion I kno how he feels as well. How would you feel about a prude?(im not calling you a prude but lets use an example) Ok well normally people do not like prudes because they feel they are inmature and not adventerous enough.Well your roommate might feel your stuckup and trying to be saintlike because he feels drinking is mature. Drinking is neither mature or immature. On one hand drinking once in a while is ok, (drinking wine once in a while is suppose to be good for you people say) but a person who constantly drinks is not good. Actually if you don't drink, thats a wise choice. Your roommate looks like he is verbally trying to get you to go in a way which is violating the 1rst amendment? But I would just go for a bit but not stay for the whole thing if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want to thats fine. But your roommate can't stay mad forever so its okay to take things another way then his way.
2007-12-10 09:47:53 · answer #6 · answered by Cero 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
The key word here is ROOMMATE. This guy needs to realize he's clearly just your roommate, not your friend. A friend would respect your choices and would understand your reasons for it, not accuse you of thinking you're superior.
I think you need to find yourself a new roommate as soon as its convenient. In the meantime, rise above it. Just be reasonable and tell him calmly, "No, I don't think i'm better than you, its just a choice I make, and its my right."
2007-12-10 09:43:53 · answer #7 · answered by Katie G 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Obligatory "rape her" comment. But honestly, tap her on the shoulder, tell her you wanna tell her a secret, and then blow hard in her ear. Put an alarm clock next to her bed set to random intervals throughout the night. Scream random **** at her. Or you know, move out.
2016-05-22 22:12:38 · answer #8 · answered by delphine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This what I would say. "Do not play the mind trip with me, you who is being stuck up. I respect your decision for your life. You do not respect mine! You want to use some childish game to get me to do your thing. When here I am being the best friend I can and sleeping with your girl when she come by and you not here".
2007-12-10 09:50:13 · answer #9 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you should ask your dorm adviser if you can switch rooms with someb body. if your roomate thinks that youre a goody two shoes then you should just go talk to the hand to him and he may get over his fase
2007-12-10 09:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋