Okay I am 21 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 14. He was 17, now 24.
He always looks out for me and is over-all very concerned with me.
Of course I lost my virginity to him and have never cheated!
He has a bad temper and when he gets mad at me he will call me bad names and say hurtful things to me.. Like "W* hore, Sl*t, B*tch, c*nt, I wish you would die, worthless W* hore, ect." Those things really hurt me because I lost my virginity to him and its disrespectful. he tells me I will never be anything without him and that Im fat and ugly.. (that doesnt bother me as much because I know im not fat or ugly) and I know he doesnt see me as fat and ugly. the other things i dont know though. He has pulled my hair like 2 or 3 times, pushed me a couple of times, has hit me twice. He hasnt hit me in about a year. But he still talks to me bad when he gets mad.
This only happens about once a month, sometimes less. I know he has anger issues. Should i accept his temper? or what?
2007-12-10 08:16:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I mean.. I know he is only human and makes mistakes.. I just don't know, it bothers me kind of.
2007-12-10 08:16:58 · update #1
Yeah I guess you are all right.. I know I shouldnt but how do I leave.
Its so easy to say just get up and leave and dont look back.
But in reality its the hardest thing to do. And I dont know where to start..
I wouldnt be calling him and telling him its over.
I would be telling him. Having to pack all of my stuff.. Having to move it back home 4 hours away.
Whats the best way. How can I convince myself to just get up and do it?
2007-12-10 08:31:40 · update #2
When I do lash back at him, and tell him how my family has been, and how I have NEVER heard any man in my family talk to their gf/wife that way he says the reason I expect him not to is because I grew up sheltered to how the world really is. And he says all the men in my family do it behind closed doors because all ppl say those kinds of things when they are mad.
2007-12-10 08:38:40 · update #3
Yes, that is mental abuse. It is also physical abuse. No, you should not accept his temper, and you know that or you wouldn't be asking this question.
As far as calling you those names, if I were to send you a nasty email saying all of those things about you, what would you say to me? I guarantee you wouldn't be defending me! If he loves you, he wouldn't say those things to you, plain and simple. No matter what his anger issues are, he has no right to lay his hands on you. Believe me, it will only get worse. Way worse.
You know that you shouldn't be with him. You just need to get the courage to leave. It's not easy with someone who's abusive, but you know in your head that what he is doing is wrong. It's your heart that is fighting you.
EDIT: The best way to leave is to not think about it and pack when he's not home, load everything up and leave. Do not stop until you are at your parents. Walk-in and tell them what has been going on, and DO NOT answer any form of contact he tries to make with you. Walk away cleanly, and anything that is left behind or needs to be dealt with can be dealt by himself, or have a representative deal with it for you. Cut all of your losses, and start focusing on your new life that will be lived without fear. Good Luck, and you can email me anytime if you need to chat. I've been there, and I am proof that you can do it and be happy!
2007-12-10 08:24:39 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa M 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't just bother you "kind of", it should bother you a "Whole Lot". He's not going to stop and just because he's only hit you twice and it's been a year since the last hit, doesn't mean that he's not going to do it again... He Will! This is a decision that you're going to have to make on your own. When you finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired, then and only then will you make a decision. All the advice in the world is not going to make you do it.
He's a controller and the older he get's the better at it he will become. Do yourslef a favor and get out of that relationship. One of the first signs to look at is his controlling behavior... He get's mad at you for nothing, he calls you disgusting names and tells you that no one else will want you. That's a way of getting to you mentally to break you down and make you more and more self conscious and insecure to the point where you will start to believe him and then you'll really be stuck.
If you must stay, try putting your foot down and letting him know that he can not and that you will not tolerate him talking to you in that fashion and don't show him that you're afraid of him. Try standing up to him, but if he becomes physical with you when you try to stand up to him or defend yourself, it's time to go (already is), but if you must stay... You need to learn "quickly" how to stand up for yourself and show him that you're not afraid to leave him and you will not hesitate to leave if his behavior continues.
Good Luck!
2007-12-10 08:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by kskate2jbs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is being both emotionally and physically abusive, and you should be extremely bothered. Trying to make you feel worthless is not looking out for you, and calling you those kinds of names is disrespectful regardless of what you've done for him. If you don't have the strength to leave on your own, please get in touch with a local women's center or a hotline, or at least your family and friends.
ETA: He's lying. This is not the way the world works or how real men behave, except in his own twisted mind. Follow Lisa M's advice (or if going home isn't an option, get yourself to a shelter) and find out for yourself.
2007-12-10 08:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by MM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly should not accept this kind of treatment. Nobody deserves the kind of verbal and physical abuse he gives you. Get away from him, leave him right now. Tell him you will only come back when he get treatment for his anger issues, and you want to see some proof for this. And girl, MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY IT. Proof on paper, proof in behaviour.
Love should not mean walking on tippy toes around your beloved in case you wake the raging bull. Love should mean support, encouragement, positive vibes - he shouldn't be calling you those awful names, he should be telling you how special you are to him, how he loves you, how pretty you are, encouraging you to try things, to test yourself, to be challenged.
Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. No matter how much you love him, if you want to avoid being his punchbag in the future, you need to love yourself a little bit more.
2007-12-10 08:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question. You said that his behavior bothers you. If it bothers you, then leave. What's 4 years compared to 21? Pull up your bootstraps and kick rocks. Leave him, his angry temper, and his mental/physical abuse ALL ALONE. He'll realize how much a mistake he's made by being abusive. You just got legal...you should be doin' it up!!!Not tied down to some old azz dude who hits you and speaks crossly to you. MOVE ON!! Life is too short to be dealing with that shyt!!!!!
2007-12-10 08:25:07 · answer #5 · answered by gzmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This wont get any better. His anger management issues are not something you should have to deal with. Regardless of the length of your relationship you DO NOT have to put up with this behaviour. It will only bring you down and lead you into someday believeing he is right. No person in a relationship hs the right to speak to their partner in this way.
Get out now, while you still can - he will never change
2007-12-10 08:23:09 · answer #6 · answered by sweetnlow 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To me psychological abuse is worse than actual abuse.With actual abuse yours harm's are healed in a quick volume of time,yet regrettably with psychological abuse your harm's can some years to heal.
2016-11-15 04:36:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is abusive. anyone can be nice to you when things are going good and they are happy. but the true test is how do they treat you when they are angry and thing are just not going the way they want. he should respect you even when he is angry. calling you names, pulling your hair, and trying to make you feel bad about yourself is not a bad temper- it is abuse. that is not anger issues- it is abuse. an abuser will say things that make you feel bad about yourself to keep you trapped with him. never accept someones behavior when it is hurtful to you.
2007-12-10 08:30:25 · answer #8 · answered by adelaide 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ABUSE! Sometimes emotional abuse is more damaging than physical abuse, stop making excuses for him! Get into counseling, make him go to counseling. I've been in a severely abusive relationship I know what I'm talking about!
It's not in any way normal to be called names, period!
2007-12-10 08:21:48 · answer #9 · answered by Excellante 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has knocked your brain completely out of your head. Why in Gods name do you stay with someone that doesn't love you? That is not love. If my husband called me all those things he would be picking his self up out of the front yard. Get rid of that thing and move on in your life. And when you go, file assault charges on him also.
2007-12-10 08:25:25 · answer #10 · answered by God Bless America 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋