My fiance has a 4 1/2 yr old daughter with another woman. We are torn apart on what to do!! We know for a fact that her mother smokes pot, drinks and has several men in and out of her life. She doesnt have a stable job. She is now without child care and just found out that she is getting evicted from her apartment with nowhere else to go. She is never home when it is time to drop off his daughter on weekends. It's almost as if she doesnt "want" her!! We dont have a lot of money, but we have a stable home and jobs. We have 3 children together and feel she would be much better off living with us! I know that the courts cater to mothers with children and try to leave the child with the mother, but do you think we would have a chance??
2007-12-10 07:53:00 · 10 answers · asked by Heather C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also, we do not have a lawyer and cant afford to hire one. Where would we even start to try to get her??
2007-12-10 08:00:23 · update #1
He doesnt have any kind of custody ordered. She was born out of wedlock. All he has is court ordered child support, which gets taken directly from his paycheck and is current.
2007-12-10 08:03:43 · update #2
For sure you have a chance. Document all your findings and you must have people who can witness that she's not a good mother.
It's very courageous of you to do that.
2007-12-10 07:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by Deens 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good news for you hun, 65% of men that request custody at divorce GET CUSTODY. The problem is, however, men don't usually ask for it!!!
Go to a lawyer (most lawyers give a free session for the first time) and talk about it. But first, answer these questions:
- What are you doing to make your own future better?
- How can you and your fiance give his daughter a better future?
You have HUGE advantages. Your lawyer can get info about her being evicted from her apartment (who will her and her daughter stay with? Will they be jumping from friend's to friend's house -- NOT GOOD FOR KIDS). Your lawyer can also bring up her work history in court.
Two things you must do to gain custody of this girl:
1. Get married. In a good environment, two parents is better than one, and the court knows this. If you aren't married, you're seen as less of a mother figure to her. You could just get up and leave tomorrow if you have the means... divorce isn't that simple.
2. Get a lawyer. Sounds like she won't even be able to afford one, so if you can, get one. This is very important if you both really want custody of her.
My boyfriend's son is 7 and hasn't seen his mom in over a year. I WILL adopt him one day, but I would be wasting money and time by going to court right now. I need to be married to his father and I need to graduate college first.
Good luck with this. I'd love to know how it all turns out.
EDIT EDIT EDIT -- Ok, I see you can't afford a lawyer. I'm really good with getting around on state's .gov websites. Please e-mail me if you want help and maybe we can find a way around this.
2007-12-10 08:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by Thinking 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, does he have a custody order right now through the courts? If he does, make sure that he is following it to the exact letter.
Whether he has one or not, he needs to get a family law lawyer and file for custody of the child.
Meanwhile, since the Mother is being evicted, isn't working etc.., ask her if the baby can stay with you until she gets it together. If not, I'd call child protective services in on it.
2007-12-10 07:59:49 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a great chance. The courts don't so much favor the mother anymore. If you file for custody of the child they will do a Custody Evaluation to access what is in the best interest of the child. That is all the courts are worried about is the best interest of the child.
2007-12-10 08:00:16 · answer #4 · answered by Teresa R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very sad story, and I hear it alot. One thing you should try to do is get data that proves they are unfit parents! Arrest records, video of child abuse, school records that may indicate the child is being abused or neglected. Other than that it will be an extremely difficult battle. Till then support the child the best you can, and perhaps you should contact them about being able to have longer visitation periods. If you have any to begin with that is...
You may also wanna find a lawyer and see if they will work with you.
2007-12-10 08:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Der Brewmeister 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you stand a chance,especially if you have evidence or witnesses that she is doing this stuff.Try checking with her landlord and see if they will give an avidavit of why she is getting kicked out.Then file for a petition to revise custody with the courts.It sounds like she sees this child as more of a burden than a blessing anyway.
2007-12-10 07:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband could let his attorney know he'd like custody of the child. he can ask for a psychological evaluation of the mom (in most cases, both parents have to take one, but it is a huge determining factor in many child custody cases, because these evaluations tell all about a person -- their stability, their child-rearing techniques, etc.).
if your husband is this concerned, he will talk with an attorney. Judges do not always cater to mothers...
take care.
2007-12-10 08:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without a lawyer, there isn't much that can be done. A lawyer could help you prove to the courts that the environment at her mothers is unstable and unsafe...
2007-12-10 08:01:43 · answer #8 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a chance...call Child and Family Services and see if they can help...some lawyers will work with you on payments...just try for the little girl's sake.
2007-12-10 08:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by madsmaha1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hire an attorney and pursue full custody... once your attorney files for full custody then she will have to prove that she is a "fit mother" ...
2007-12-10 07:59:14 · answer #10 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋