Was I really wrong in this argument with my sister in law?

Question

We had a party and my brother's wife was sitting in the lounge with all the men after dinner, drinking sherry. I told her she should go and help the other women in the kitchen clear up because she was acting like a loose woman. She went very red and told me not to tell her what to do in her house. Well I got very angry as me and my brothers were brought up to be the men of the house, and so I told her to leave now or I would force her. Then her husband slapped her. I think she deserved it. She started crying and I haven't seen her for 3 weeks now. Should I apologise?

Answer 1

I think that you are FULL of Crap....Because her husband would be your Brother and if he was raised the way you say you were raised she would have been in the kitchen already.....

Answer 2

I do hope your sister in law leaves both you and your family, both you and your brother belong in your mothers house, were she can still treat you like her precious babies and hope she will teach you to behave like real men the second time around.
A real man does not hit a woman Not even with a flower, regardless how she was behaving, and it was not up to you, she is your brothers wife not yours, it should have been up to him ( IF HE WAS UNHAPPY) TO TALK TO HER AFTER THE PARTY.As far as I am concerned that is grounds for divorce, emotional abuse, humiliation, and battery, I would have gone straight to the police and charged you.
On reading your letter again I have to wonder if you are from a country that treats women badly,has your father done the same to your mother ?
At my house the person that cooks does not do the cleaning up, IT MAY BE A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU AND YOUR BROTHER TO start this practice, first in your sister in law's house, as a way to beg her forgiveness,you may have to do this for years before she realizes that you are a nice guy after all, then go to your mom's house and do the same there, you will then have proved that you have finally become a real man

Answer 3

What century do you live in? Men can sit around and rink and women need to be in the kitchen cleaning? Women can do anything they want and don't need any man telling them where to sit, what to do or where to go. If it was any-ones business it was her husbands and if he didn't say anything to her, neither should you. Then you embarrassed your brother and that's why she got slapped.
You should apologize to her and your brother and really rethink the way you were raised. You should also talk to your brother about slapping his wife. No matter what she does, no one has the right to hit, slap or touch any anger anyone else.

Answer 4

You were brought up to be "the man in the house." I assume that makes you superior to the women. and allows you to boss them around. It also defines your duties, which is to sit around with the guys after dinner, keeping an eye out for any approaching enemies, while the women cook and clean up.
It's an old fashion view of life, which a lot of guys hold on to, because it greatly benefits them.
According to modern lifestyles, where women are equal, you are wrong.

Answer 5

First off, yes you were very wrong. A cooment like that is very disrespectful let alone in front of everyone. She must've been humiliated! You need to apologize. This isn't the 40's. If you were so concerned about her kitchen being cleaned you should've helped. As for your brother slapping her. He needs help.!!!

Answer 6

Yes,you were wrong.After all,it was her house.Your brother was also wrong for slapping her.And the worse wrong?You making her leave her own home.There is such a thing as being raised properly,but it sounds like you and your brothers were raised like animals.If you were my brother in law,I would not only have had you removed from my home,I would have had my husband arrested for abuse.I absolutely can not tolerate a man who wants a wife to be childlike in her obedience and not as an equal.I was in a relationhip like that once,and I will do everything I possibly can to prevent my daughter from ever being in one like that.If your sister in law was acting loose because she was drunk,her husband should have stepped in and asked her to please remove herself from the group,not slap her.

Answer 7

You insulted your sister-in-law for being a good host and socializing with the guests who came to HER house?

Wow, I really thought we lived in the 21st century. There's no place for that "macho" mentality anymore. And if her husband really slapped her instead of defending her from you then I really feel sorry for her. Sounds like the men in your family need to grow up and really become men!

Answer 8

Would you apologize if we told you to? Doubt it. First of all, "loose woman"? "Man of the house"? Do you realize what year it is? There is nothing wrong with her having a conversation and a glass of wine. Perhaps she wasn't living up to your standards of how a woman should act, but she didn't do anything wrong. Tell your brother he is a jerk.

Answer 9

First of all, I think that you were wrong to make such a comment in front of everybody. That's just humiliating. Yes, she should have offered, but just because she didn't doesn't give you the right to say that she was a "loose woman."

Second of all, your brother should never have resorted to physical abuse. That's just a big no in my book. It makes me wonder just how you and your brothers treat the women in your family.

It's just my opinion, but I think that you couldn't have been more wrong. Sorry.

Answer 10

Your main concern in life needs to be your own behaviors, and your own choices. Telling another adult what to do is insane.... if your sister in law wants to sit around and drink with the men, it's her choice not yours.

Whether it is proper or not for her to do, is also not up to you. Her life and actions are her own business.

I don't know what "men of the house" do, but if you have to stick your nose in to other people's lives, yours must be out of control too?

take care.