If you occasionally shout at your children, are you a bad parent?

Question

Love my daughter, she is only 2. Occasionally she infuriates me ( as all 2 year olds can!)

I dont advocate shouting, but sometimes it just comes out. I dont really smack her, i mostly put her in naughty corner for 3 minutes. But I do occasionally shout at her when she does things that i have repeatedly told her not to do.

Am i a bad parent? Do I need help with parenting? Or do all parents occasionally shout at their children/lose their tempers? Its just that i read a question on here today which more or less indicated that parents that shout arent fit to be parents.

Am i an unfit mother? Please be honest. Thanks

To answer your questions Jay:

I have hit her before, usually when I have tried again and again to behave and she wont. I have only ever slapped her legs, and its only ever one slap, and its only with my hand.

Like I said, sometimes she gets me mad, and i lose my temper, but I dont believe that i really lose complete control. I am not a violent person by nature anyway, i can get a bit shouty i suppose, but i dont call her names, certainly not worthless etc (she is never worthless, not even at her very naughtiest!!)

But i do say things like "Are you mad?" which i always think is daft to say, cos she is only 2 - the things she does are not crazy to her, they're quite fun! Last night I shouted "get to bed now" because she is always hotfooting it out of bed lol

Laura - yes I am home alone with them all day every day. I actually have 2 children, my other child is 8 weeks old. I dont get much opportunity to get away because i am breastfeeding the 8 week old, and i have been unsuccesful as expressing milk. If I want to go anywhere, we ALL have to go!

I am not saying I only shout at her - i play with her, talk with her, educate her etc, cuddle her etc ... all the other things. But there is the occasional shouting, only when she continues to do very naughty things.

Answer 1

In some cases shouting gets your point across. Sometimes people won't even listen or take you seriously until you start shouting. It tells someone... this is a serious matter! I mean what I say! Do this (or stop doing this) or there will be some bad consequences!
Remember to always use self-control. You may say things you didn't mean to say and can't take back. And in many cases shouting can lead to violence.
Shouting is perfectly OK. Just stay in control and there are other ways to get your point across. So, don't shout all the time.
Keep in mind.... every action has a consequence. Let your child know that good actions have good consequences and bad actions have bad consequences. It is a part of life.

Answer 2

No, you are a normal parent. What I've found is this though. Shouting is more about me having a bad day than my kids doing anything unusual. If I'm having a great day things run smoothly. You just need to make sure you have more good days than bad. If you find you are shouting every day you might need to re-structure your day so that you have a little more mommy time. Get up an hour earlier than the kids do. Put them to bed at night and then do something for YOU. Relax during nap time. Don't forget that moms need breaks too. Getting an occasional night out or day away always makes me a better mom. Good luck and don't worry, if you're unfit then so are the rest of us!

Answer 3

No you are not an unfit mother, every parent yells at their children at one point. I have an almost 5 year old daughter and a 17 month old son and sometimes when my daughter just won't listen and continues to throw a fit, it is hard to hold it together and not to go crazy and not yell , when it is so easy to do.
Lately everytime I get frustrated it with her and feel like I am going crazy I step away from the situation usually in the bathroom and take a few deep breaths and then go back and talk to her about it. It has helped alot.
Good luck and no you are not a bad parent.

Answer 4

You are a dreadful woman

Personally, I don't believe some of the "experts" on here - either they're liars or they actually have no children.

Of course she drives you nuts some of the time. She's 2 and you're knackered because of the new baby. Relax. All she will learn from the occasional shout and/ or smacked bum is that there is a point at which it is wise to stop winding Mummy up. Children are remarkably resilient little animals, you know.

Answer 5

Only a good parent would care enough to shout at their child for doing something wrong. There are too many parents who just don't give a crap, their kids run a muck and never learn their boundaries. Of course they turn out to be even worse adults than their parents. I've been shouting at my kids for 20 years and will continue to do so until the day I leave this earth. If your shouting is well intended then who cares what other people think.

GO MOM!!! ( I yelled that just for you)

Answer 6

Shouting is a normal response when someone's frustrating you. It's not the best response, but it is understandable.

It's OK for your child to learn that her behavior can have the consequence of making mom feel so frustrated that she decides to shout.

It's also good for you to start teaching her, though, that shouting is not the best way to communicate and teaching her (by modeling the behavior yourself) how to say "Sorry about that - I was frustrated & shouted when I should have tried talking to you in a different way instead. How about you & I work on really listening to each other so that I don't get so frustrated again".

Answer 7

is your toddler a bad kid when she does something she shouldn't do? of course not; she's just doing something wrong. same for you (and me!) and the shouting. it doesn't make you a bad parent, but it's still something to work on. i do occasionally shout ... i'm okay with shouting when the baby is about to touch something hot, for example, but i know i need to stop and take a breath when i shout at misbehaviors that don't involve imminent threats to safety. if i find myself doing that, i apologize, repeat what i was saying in a more reasonable tone, and then turn on some classical music or go make myself some tea or declare a quiet time for 15 minutes till i calm down. sometimes i say mommy needs a time out because she needs to calm herself down. the kids get that, and it's true!

Answer 8

Of course shouting doesn't make you an unfit parent-otherwise, we'd ALL be unfit!! Whoever made that comment, I guarantee is NOT a perfect parent, no matter what they may say on-line.
We all get fed up as parents and if we need to shout or yell sometimes, then so be it-doesn't make us any less of a parent that loves our children. :-)

Answer 9

you're no longer something like your mothers and fathers (so some distance as i will see). you in user-friendly terms raised your voice at your son because of the fact he might have probably harm your daughter, he needed to understand that what he did exchange into incorrect. Your parenting skills look above universal, and that i doubt you're abusing/ will abuse your little ones. i might recommend getting some style of counseling that can assist you recover from your former abuse. this might join the reason which you have faith which you would be abusive. i think of you sound like a superbly known mom that has a healthy relationship together with her little ones. i understand which you will destroy the cycle! remember of certainty, you have already got! i desire this facilitates!

Answer 10

No not at all. In fact it is alot better to yell and get it out than the alternative. If there is a parent who hasnt yelled at their kids at least once I would be very surprised. Dont worry about what others think . Unless they walk in your shoes they wont understand your motives for your style of parenting. Be patient, it gets better!